I Tried To Score A Date On Tinder By Only Using MSN Lingo
Don’t you miss the golden years of the internet? You know, coming home from school, racing your siblings to the computer room (because your house had a computer room) and logging on to MSN to chat to your pals from school.
It was a simpler time. A time where you could confess your love to a primary school crush, date for a week, hold hands in the bus line, and then tragically break up on account of girl germs (no returns).
If only dating were that easy in 2018, right?
Why can’t it be? I decided to go back to the beginning of the internet – the MSN days – in hopes to find myself a date on Tinder.
We’re really doing this thing:
The rules are simple:
- Swipe right on everyone
- Open with/reply to someone using only ‘00s MSN lingo
My dating life is abysmal, so I’m more than happy to sacrifice my Tinder for this fuckery, and maybe (hopefully) even find The One. What could go wrong?
#1 The one who wasn’t having a bar of it
Are we off to the best start? Absolutely not. I think it’s worth chucking this one in here though because silence was my most common response.
Honestly, I don’t blame them. I probably would have done the exact same thing. I guess I just need to accept that MSN lingo chat up lines aren’t for everyone, BB XD XOXO.
#2 The Tinder virgin
Oh Lord, I do feel a little bad about this one. Imagine finally deciding to take the leap into online dating, and your first match being this piece of shit (me).
And I’m a garbage person on the best of days, but when I’m talking to strangers on the internet for money (are you proud of me putting my degree to good use, Mum and Dad?) it’s a whole other level of shittiness.
It goes like this: everyone in the world, rock bottom, hell, slow walkers, and then me.
#3 The one who gets it
Now this one was off to a slow start, not knowing what “HWZ U?” meant, but I’ll let it slide.
They’re so full of ~relatable content~. In fact, Netflix and Avoiding My Problems is the title of my autobiography, coming out in February next year, and available in all good bookstores (that sell fake books).
But the real tea is that maths fucking sucks! Anyone who shares that common belief is OK by me. Leave Miss Fleming out of this though TBH, she’s cool.
#4 Did I just get married?
You know what’s sexy? Confusion, and this person was wildly confused the entire time. All I was looking for was a date to the school social, someone to dance The Nutbush beside. Little did I know I’d find something so much more.
After obviously hitting it off, I laid it all on the line, and said those four words, those five syllables that could either make or break our relationship: “u wanna d8 me?”
Was I rejected? Is it the beginning of our love story? All will be revealed if you purchase my book, Netflix and A–
Next thing I knew, I was pregnant.
#5 A brief love story, but a love story nonetheless
The one that got away… SMDH.
I didn’t find The One and I’m totally okay with that. Seriously, I love being single! It just gives me more time to focus on myself, you know? Do I wake up every morning very much alone? Yes. Has it been months since I’ve felt the touch of another human? Sure. Do I care yes no.
I’M KIDDING. Could you imagine?
But for reals, my takeaway is that this is a really bad idea that nobody else should try. I could have very much matched with and messed up my chances with my soul mate, and that’s just something I have to live with.
MSN was brilliant, but unfortunately, belongs where it died, the ‘00s. RIP!