We Need To Talk About LinkedIn’s Horny Direct Messages

Most of us probably use LinkedIn to search for jobs, connect with coworkers, or more realistically – not at all.

If you do check it every day, good for you! LinkedIn kinda terrifies me because mainly I’m just out here trying to make sure I don’t click on profiles of people I vaguely know and look like I’m stalking them.

What I have noticed though in my short but sweet time on the network is the direct messaging system LinkedIn has set up. When you receive a message from a contact, LinkedIn offers you a few varieties of automated replies to send back, to save you the hassle of typing things like “Thank you” or “See you soon!” yourself.

However, it’s here where things can quickly go awry.

You may THINK you’re having an innocent conversation with a colleague, then LinkedIn prompts you to ask what they’re up to right now.

Having a chat with an old boss? As Scar once sang in The Lion King, be prepared because the prompt reaction may tell you to send a winky face and no one wants to deal with that little accident.

Stalking your ex-boyfriend? First things first, don’t do that on LinkedIn, you weirdo. And definitely don’t slide into his LinkedIn DMs because he really may get the wrong idea.

But, I’ve gotta say, the LinkedIn direct message system can provide a whole lot of laughs if you have a willing friend who has a convo with you using only the prompts.

Here are just a few examples of how my friend Brad and I have decided to converse over time.

It gets even better when LinkedIn prompts you to just end a nonsensical conversation.

Who knows, maybe LinkedIn just gets fed up with people taking the piss.

Things can also get weirder though, trust us.

Now seeing as Brad and I carry on a lot like this, I decided to reach out to a friend I hadn’t previously talked to on LinkedIn to see how long it took for the winky face to come up as a normal response in a prompted convo.

Reader, it didn’t take very long.

In fact, it took ONE whole minute.

Also, as it turns out with prompts it’s nearly impossible to fully end a conversation no matter how much LinkedIn makes you try.

If anyone is ever looking to slide into my DMs, this is the only way to do it now. I am officially a converted LinkedIn fan.