Lost Your Libido This Pandemic? Here’s How To Revive It

It’s not new news that GOOD sex has great benefits for your mind and body: we all love that post-sex afterglow.

But in the times of a global pandemic when we’re struggling to find a line between work and life balance – maintaining lust in a relationship when you see your partner constantly or being single in lockdown where every day feels like Groundhog Day – the stress is enough for anyone’s libido to go into hiding.

If you’re wondering, ‘is it normal I don’t feel like having sex with my partner anymore?’, or if you’re single and it’s been a while since you’ve slept with someone and you’re not sure if your libido still even exists, just know you’re not alone.

Melbourne-based psycho-sexologist and Love Honey sexpert, Chantelle Otten told Punkee that, “just under two thirds (60%) of Aussies said that heightened stress during restrictions has impacted their sex life, for both singles and those with a partner.”

Instagram: @chantelle_otten_sexologist

“Many of us are struggling with the loss of eroticism due to lengthy lockdowns and being in a state of hypervigilance due to the pandemic,” Chantelle said.

So, while the pandemic has uprooted our lives and flipped it on its head in more ways than we could imagine, we won’t let it come for our libido’s too.

To help unpack this hot topic, we spoke with Chantelle Otten to get her spicy tips on reigniting your libido in lockdown (and maintaining it when restrictions ease because there is light at the end of this long-ass tunnel).

Start by understanding your libido

‘Libido’ is pretty much a word used to describe your want and drive to have sex as well as the sexual thoughts, desires and fantasies that play out in your head.

It sometimes gets confused with the word ‘arousal’ but there’s a bit of a difference between the two. Arousal is the way your body responds to those natural thoughts through things like increased blood flow, natural lubrication and change in heart rate and breathing.

While we all love hearing about dating stories and hookup goss, it’s important to remember it’s totally normal if your sex drive isn’t as high as some of your friends’. After all, the libido and the things that turn you on is subjective.

Another important point to remember is your libido never stays the same and fluctuates throughout your life. One minute you might be Charlotte York and next thing you know you’re Samantha Jones banging everyone in sight – it’s all part of being ‘sexual beings’ as Chantelle Otten says.

“The concept of libido shouldn’t solely hinge on sex alone, it encompasses our entire sense of eroticism, spanning [from] our sense of sexual curiosity and exploration through to our feeling of aliveness.”

For many years, there’s been this misconception that males have a higher libido than women and Chantelle says that’s incorrect.

“We know that sex and gender is a colourful and wonderful world that goes beyond just male and female, so not only is this myth outdated, it’s also incorrect. Libido is not something that is tied to gender, our eroticism varies from person to person and fluctuates based on circumstances.”

Signs your libido might be low

Lifestyle changes (like going through a breakup or starting a new job) to hormone levels, switching medication, and the state of your mental and physical health all affect our libido and our need and want to have sex.

Chantelle explained that, “[feeling] low in erotic energy, intimately distanced from your partner, bored or avoidant with the thought of sex,” can be a signal that your libido is low.

“There will be times when sex and desire is good and high [and] times when there is hesitancy, boredom, or a sexual script that you tend to repeat. Often, this means something is holding us back – there is a dissatisfaction with our sex life and the quality of sexual life, or the individual [or] couple is suffering,” she said.

Understanding if your libido is low or ‘abnormal’ comes down to you as an individual and noticing your own patterns and thoughts when it comes to sex.

“There’s nothing wrong with a lower sex drive as long as you’re happy,” Chantelle said. “It’s important to remember, how much someone desires sexual activity varies from person to person and there’s no such thing as a ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’ libido because everyone is different”.

Four ways to recharge your libido

It can be tempting to buy into a quick fix supplement or pill on the market claiming to improve your libido (often without scientific evidence) but it’s often the little things we do every day that can make the biggest difference. If you’ve noticed a change in your libido and looking for ways to get your sex game back, start with these four simple tips:

1. Activate endorphins:

Get physical by incorporating some form of exercise into your week, like weightlifting, yoga, or cardio. “Libido-boosting effects of exercise makes us more likely to feel happy and horny. Another effect is improved blood flow, which can contribute to increased levels of arousal,” Chantelle said.

Exercise won’t only give you strength and stamina to give those Kama Sutra positions a try but will also release those feel-good endorphins to give your libido a boost.

2. Go solo: 

Life can get in the way in the best of times but if your libido or sex life is lacking, it might be time to lock the door, put some slow jams on and do a little solo session.

“This will not only increase your confidence and give you a more positive body image but also help keep your sexual pilot light on,” Otten said. “Bust out a sex toy that can help you explore your body and discover new sensations. For our vulva-owners, I’d recommend a rabbit vibrator, and for our penis-owners, a vibrating masturbator.

3. Treat yo’ self: 

It’s safe to say we’ve all been doing the whole ‘business up top and casual on the bottom’ while working from home but nothing says, ‘not in the mood’ like dirty hair, baggy trackies, and run down ugg boots. “The best thing to do is acknowledge you feel a bit beat and take time out to focus on what makes you feel good,” Otten said. If you’re looking for another libido pick-me-up, there’s nothing more wholesome than a little self-care. “Treat yourself to a relaxing bath, then pop on something that makes you feel sexy! When we empower ourselves and feel good about ourselves, we’re more likely to want to be sexual beings,” Chantelle said.

4. Rest and recharge: 

Sleep is often underrated but is so important for our physical and mental health.“Some studies show women who get more sleep have an increased sexual desire the following day,” Otten said. “Additionally, women who have longer average sleep times report better genital arousal than those with shorter average sleep times.”

If you’re finding it hard to switch off, try and incorporate a bedtime routine to help your body and mind relax by reducing screen time, reading a book, or meditating before bed to get a good night’s sleep and improve your life inside and outside of the bedroom.