We Ranked The ‘Love Island’ Contestants Based On Who We’d Swipe Right
The wait is over. We will soon get to meet the contestants of the Love Island class of 2019.
But just because we haven’t officially met them, this doesn’t mean we haven’t already started mercilessly judging them.
We’ve gone through all their bios and already decided the answer to the most important question when it comes to finding love: would we actually right swipe them on Tinder or Bumble?
The Love Island contestants, ranked from least likely to most likely to get a right swipe:
Cartier is a born-again Christian, who reckons: “The woman’s role in a relationship is to take care of their man. Cook for them, clean for them.”
UMM. I’M SORRY. I was always brought up to think the woman’s role in a relationship was to send cat memes and make fun of your partner’s patchy chest hair.
Cartier went on to say she joined the reality show specifically to meet men with the right motives. “On Love Island, you know the guy’s intentions, they are there to find love, to really open themselves up.” Oh, wow. Bless her.
Would I swipe right? Nope. She’s 19, she’s too young to even be on this show. She’s barely an adult and clearly has a lot of growing up to do. Go on a gap year! Maybe get a bad tattoo! Go nuts!
From: Gold Coast
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Eoghan looks like a viking so I couldn’t be any more disappointed to learn he’s a real estate agent. He describes himself as having “old fashioned values” and is looking for a woman who is “not rude, polite and extremely ladylike.” Which pretty much means: I don’t want a woman who acts as feral as men do. Got to love these double standards.
He goes on to say: “Physically I’m attracted to a natural girl.” This is code for ‘I want you to be born with huge boobs and lips, while looking flawless without a spot of makeup on.’ Again, unrealistic ideals that women can never achieve. Boy, bye.
Would I swipe right? It’s a no from me.
Occupation: Media Executive
This Egyptian media executive runs his own company and is ready for love. He has only been single for six months and is looking for a brunette with brown eyes and tanned skin (blood type?), but before y’all assume he is as superficial as they come, he adds it is “imperative that she has a great personality.”
At least Maurice knows what important, admitting “I could really find the right girl with the thrill of being on a TV show as well,” he says. Yikes.
Would I swipe right? That’s a nah from me, dawg.
Vanessa is no stranger to the spotlight: she briefly dated Married At First Sight’s Dan Webb and had previously dated Jessika Power’s brother Rhyce and ended up filing an intervention order against him.
The Perth-based tattooed brunette knows what she wants in a partner. “I want to find a man who is driven. A man that is fit who goes to gym. Someone that matches my lifestyle, I think that is very important,” she said, adding “He needs to have an attractive face and look after himself.”
I can see her and Eoghan really hitting it off.
Would I swipe right? Yeah nah.
Occupation: Personal Trainer
If you visit Gerard’s Instagram you will immediately notice that he likes to get naked…a lot. He’s defs the type of guy to strip off at the end of the date and when greeted with your shocked face he says it’s just “banter”.
When he’s not posting nudes in random locations, Gerard works as a personal trainer for people with disabilities. He is excited to go on Love Island and has only been single for a year, admitting he doesn’t enjoy being out of a relationship.
“I’m not very good at the whole single thing, I always have too much emotion attached to the whole thing. The last girl I was with was for two years. I was pretty invested in it, I think it is only now I’m getting over it and ready.”
Would I swipe right? Aside from the unnecessary nudity, he actually seems nice so yeah.
Occupation: Executive Assistant
Born and raised in London, this musician turned executive assistant moved to Sydney six years ago and is ready to find a man she can start a life with.
“I’m at the stage now where I’m kind of over partying every single weekend. That’s why I want to meet someone so I can settle down. I still want to go out, but sometimes I just want to have fun nights in and go for nice dinners,” Cassie said.
Would I swipe right? Yes. I shouldn’t but I am curious.
From: Gold Coast
Adam initially applied for the American version of Love Island, but didn’t make the cut. “It didn’t end up happening, so I thought, why don’t I have another crack? I want to find love. I’m 27 now, I’ve done lots of travel, either by myself or with the boys. I want to travel but I want to do it with a significant other,” he admitted.
A commercial plasterer by trade, Adam got his first tattoo at seventeen and is aware what role he’ll be cast into. “You always need the token tattooed funny guy,” he said.
Adam hasn’t had a relationship that’s lasted longer than six months, and defends his dating history based on his star sign, which is something I relate to deeply.
“My dating history is dismal I’ve never really had a proper girlfriend,” he said. “I can be hard work, a typical Gemini. I’m all or nothing. Some days I’m up and I’m all there and I’m happy as, then the next day I’m a bit standoffish, I just want to have a bit of me-time.”
Would I swipe right? As an Aries, I am very well matched to a Gemini so I simply have to swipe right. The universe demands it. Plus, I’m a sucker for tattoos.
Cythia is a 23-year-old Brisbane-based model who is ready to fall head over heels in love, but has found it difficult to find the right guy in the past.
“I have found it really hard to find men who actually want to settle down and have a relationship. I think Love Island makes the groundwork easier. Everyone is there for the right reason,” she said. Ugh, if the ‘right reason’ means Instagram followers and Hello Fresh endorsements, then sure!
Cynthia moved to Australia from Liberia when she was just seven years old and now lives with her aunt. “I don’t just want to be a pretty face. I want to use my brain to its full capacity and be more than just an Insta pic, but impact peoples lives in a way that brings happiness and clarity to their lives,” she said.
We simply must stan.
Would I swipe right? Absolutely. What a gem.
You had me at wrestler/model. It also helps that Matthew is besties with Love Island MVP Justin Lacko. When he’s not walking the runways of Milan and London, he lives a double life as a professional wrestler.
“I have always loved it, from when I was a kid. I’ve got the build and I think I have the personality, so I thought I’d give it a go,” Matt said.
“I went on my first show with only three and a half months training. It’s lot of fun. My character is Charlie Matthews, playing off on the whole model stereotype, it’s lots of fun.”
Matt said he is looking for someone who is honest and trustworthy.
Would I swipe right? You couldn’t wrestle the phone out of my hand fast enough. Hell yes.
While calling herself a ‘waitress’, Instagram influencer is probably more accurate as the 23-year-old from Hobart has 54,000 followers.
She was even a Miss Universe Australia 2019 finalist and admits to applying for Love Island on a whim. “I saw it advertised and I thought it would be a lot of fun. I thought, why not? I applied and didn’t think I’d get that far. I’m looking to come out with a relationship.”
Jessie went on to say that people often think she’s unintelligent upon meeting her. “I’m not dumb, but my mouth works faster than my brain,” she said. “I do speak too fast sometimes for my brain to comprehend what I’m saying. But all in all, I mean well.”
Would I swipe right? Why not. She seems wholesome.
Occupation: International DJ
I’m just going to say it. If I saw Sam on Tinder or Bumble I would swipe right so fast that I’d injure myself. Not only is he lush to look at, he actually seems nice.
The Melbourne DJ is no stranger to fame, having rubbed shoulder with the likes of Justin Bieber and Drake. But he admits he joined the show to find love and settle down. “I’m 28 so I’m probably not like one of the younger ones who are looking for fame,” he said. “I am looking for a relationship 100 per cent. I haven’t dated for seven years.”
Despite looking like a Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ doppelgänger, Sam reckons he struggles to meet people in his industry. “People go out on a Friday or Saturday night and you are there to entertainment then, which we do as performers. People never ask you on a date or ask you for a coffee.” I love coffee! What are the chances?!
Would I swipe right? Well I think I should since this man is my future husband.
Love Island premieres Monday at 8:45pm on Channel 9.