Here’s A Summary Of What Happened In Week Three Of ‘Love Island’ Because I Don’t Have A Life

Greetings. Another week has ticked by, and you know what this means: More drama on Chlamydia Island.

Here’s what went down in week three.

Sunday night: Cassidy has feelings for Josh now, Elias and Millie are all over red rover

I don’t know, I can’t keep up either. All I know is Millie was very vehement she didn’t make the sex to Elias in the secret sex dungeon, and Elias still seems confused about how he wound up here in the first place.

Cassidy has now decided she may have a spark with Josh, because newbie Jaxon is a little too short for her. You know what they say, the shorter the man, the bigger his… personality.

Monday night: Toodleloo Tash, Eden and Erin survive their first fight

The recoupling ceremony saw Josh choose Cass instead of Tash, who seemed to be shook that she had to leave Friendship Island before she met The One. Remember Tash was there to meet The One, but she had some fairly specific requirements like “must own a boat”. As many guys in their early-to-mid twenties do.

In Justin news, he is a soul too precious for this dramatic island. Someone ship him to safety!

Cass cried a lot in the lead up to the recoupling, because she now feels a spark with Josh but was terrified she’ll be rejected again. Girl has PTSD from recoupling ceremonies after the whole Grant drama.  Tash was pretty sad to leave, and said she hoped that Cassidy’s feelings for Josh are real, though she like, seriously doubts it.

New girl Mac, yes like the Macbook, teamed up with Jaxon who shockingly hasn’t grown overnight! She is also concerned he’s a little too short, therefore love can’t exist for them. So sad for all the short people out there and the constant rejection they face.

Meanwhile, Erin and Eden had a fight about something, then talked in bed about how good they were at surviving their first fight. Ahhh young love. Just wait until you’re two years in instead of two weeks in, mates. It’s all fucking downhill from there.

Tuesday night: Tall guy Dom comes to DOMinate, get it haha!!

You can’t hate me any more than I hate myself.

The crew also played some game where they had to kick a ball into the open mouths of each others cardboard cutouts. Like a soccer ball, you dirty bitches.

Cassidy started getting restless that Josh wasn’t making the first move. Cassidy then said she felt an instant spark when she saw new guy Dom, or as Tayla would call it, “fanny flutters”. Every girl then commented on how tall Dom is. He’s really tall you guys. So tall. Jaxon, who was not feeling threatened AT ALL, made few more classic jokes about being the shortest guy in the house, except no one reacted because they couldn’t hear him from all the way down on the ground.

Wednesday night: Cassidy brutally dumps Josh because he’s not as tall as Dom

New game: Drink every time Cassidy cries! Just kidding, I don’t want to be sued.

Cassidy decides to tell Josh while she’s really into his personality, she doesn’t feel a “spark”. Cassidy then talks to Dom about how important personality is to her to make a relationship work. Look, I’m not great at maths, but something is not adding up here.

Jaxon decided to have a crack at Millie. “How’s it going darlin’?” he says after making her rub sunscreen all over his weird back tattoo. Millie rejects any of his advances, so Jaxon returns to his bromance with Josh, who groomed his eyebrows for him. (Like, actually.)

Australia chose Francoise to go on a date with Dom, and Dom got to choose a second girl which turned out to be… drumroll please… Cassidy! Dom tells both the girls on their separate dates that they were his No. 1 choice (???) and Cassidy gushed about how tall Dom is, and how the mysterious aura around him really makes her all hot and bothered. Francoise plays it a little more cool in the retelling of her date by making some pointed remarks in front of Cassidy that she’s not the kind of person who just “falls” for people based on one date.

Dom got to choose which girl he wanted as a partner for the foreseeable future (AKA maybe a day, maybe two?) and he went with Cassidy.

The girls then had the choice of who gets the secret sex dungeon room for the night and go with Tayla and Grant. As Tayla goes to put on her sexiest lingerie to surprise her true love, Grant is busy tonguing his actual true love: A huge fucking bowl of pasta.

Grant & pasta – still a better love story than Twilight #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/ayWGOUkZTE

— Love Island AU (@LoveIslandAU) June 13, 2018

Thursday night: Goodbye sweet angel Justin, ride easy with the Kangaroos

The night started fairly tame – well as tame as things can get when you’re half-naked and making a pizza with your body. But that was just my night!

On the show, they were actually… well, OK, that’s exactly what they were doing.

Oh for pizzake that isn't how you make a deep dish! #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/NFctxYcMPs

— Love Island AU (@LoveIslandAU) June 14, 2018

As Mac and Josh had the world’s most boring conversation, and Dom told Cassidy he wanted to take things ‘slowly’ (e.g. Love Island code for ‘I’m not that into you’), Grant and Tayla pondered a life outside of the Love Island house. A life where they could not only have their own bedroom but their own HOUSE in Wollongong. Good luck guys, real estate is getting pretty pricey there and I don’t know if being an Instagram influencer is gonna help you out for the whole deposit.

Eventually, Sophie came to drop the bombshell that not one but two men would be leaving for good. I’d make another sad joke about “sounds like my dating life” here but I’m nearly out and oops I guess I just technically did anyway!

Australia decided to say goodbye to Elias while Erin and Eden were given the choice of who to kick out next: Jaxon or Justin.

And with that, my friends, we said goodbye to our sweet idiot Justin. He will forever Zooland in our hearts.

See you next week!