I Rated The ‘Love Triangle’ Singles Based On Their Chaotic First Impressions

I always get a sick buzz off meeting new people. I used to think this was just something that happened in-person, but I’m quickly learning that it translates to reality TV too.

When I see new characters on reality telly – particularly if it’s a dating show – I am immediately invested. I establish my opinion of them in record speed and then am hooked on following their journey to finding love. This of course also means that I get way too emotionally invested in everyone and are therefore devastated when my faves get their hearts trodden on as they’re dumped on national television.

So I had to mentally prepare myself a bit for the new season of Stan’s Love Triangle.

The first season was way more intense than I thought it would be, and with this new season promising more twists, turns and romance than ever before I knew I was strapping in for an emotional rollercoaster.

But before we all sink our teeth into the new season, I wanted to share my snap judgements of the cast. Partially because I’m a writer, so I don’t know where else to put my feelings, but also because WE ALL JUDGE, OKAY?! And I’m making this a safe space where you can judge freely too. Welcome. 

Here are all my first impressions of the new Love Triangle cast. 

Heads up: This article contains minor spoilers from the first two episodes which are currently streaming on Stan. 

Jacinta

A 28-year-old model from Victoria

Okay, so Jacinta is a model so my immediate first impression is PHWOAR. What a stunner! 

She’s quick to share that she’s a pansexual and has been in relationships with men and women but hasn’t dated a man in over four years – which is fair, because boy can they be disappointing in a dating scenario. Just stay tuned to meet some of the fellas on this season… 

I’m quickly drawn to the warmth and honesty of Jacinta, because she straight-up admits that she’s been going on dating apps purely for validation. It’s a location for compliments and ego boosts only. No long-term commitments, thank you!

But now she’s genuinely looking out for that special someone and is here on Love Triangle to find them. And she’s being sneaky about it too… because she changes her name for the text week to ‘Jay’ so her matches don’t make any assumptions about her gender. CLEVER. 

My first impression is that she’s going to be blunt in the best way throughout this season – because she’s not going to suffer fools gladly at all. I’m anticipating some zinger one-liners and some rapid dumping from darling Jacinta.

Alan

A 32-year-old electrician from Victoria

Oh Alan… I’m not going to lie, I did not get a good vibe initially from him. I think perhaps because he put zero effort into his first text to his two matches while standing on a sports field – two large red flags for me. And yes, that is regarding misc sports, as all are a snooze fest for me. Sorry. 

Alan claims that his charismatic ways often lump him with the label “F Boi”, and I think that’s a fairly accurate assumption at this point. But he does say that he just has his “walls up” and looks for the negatives in the situation as a defence mechanism – so maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on him.

But then he sends the worst text of all time. 

Sort of SPOILER ALERT here, but in the first episode of Love Triangle, Alan is sexting with one of his matches and he types the words: “I can hear the waves crashing in your vagina.” I will need extensive therapy to get over witnessing that. 

Hopefully, Alan can turn around my opinion of him quicksmart, because it’s not looking good right now…

Nellie

A 25-year-old comedian from Tasmania

I need to be best mates with Nellie.

She’s hilarious straight off the back, and that all makes sense when she reveals she’s a stand-up comedian. She’s cracking jokes left, right and centre and has potentially the best giggle I’ve ever heard on national television. 

After a long list of dating disasters, Nellie is looking for someone to truly adore her and while I’d happily offer up my services of fangirling her for all eternity, I’m keen to see who she clicks with on Love Triangle. And that’s a little bit because I’ve never really seen someone like Nellie on a reality dating show before, so I’m fascinated to see who her matches are and how she navigates romantic hiccups as and when they crop up.

Sam

A 35-year-old business owner from Western Australia

I have never gotten the ick faster. Sam immediately comes across as arrogant, detached and, frankly, a bit of a knob. 

When asked what he’s looking for in a partner, he almost exclusively lists physical features. It’s all hair, height and body type and EWW. Are you not looking for any emotional connection, bro? 

Seems not, because he shares that he’s used to operating at the surface leve, often going for looks over substance. He even admits that on multiple occasions he’s been guilty of shacking up with a girl cos she’s hot before becoming bored by ‘basic’ personalities and dumping them.

Yuck. 

The only saving grace he seems to have is that he’s ‘open’ to flying women in from interstate to visit him in Broome. Yes ladies, the bar is that low. 

I wish him luck on his venture to find a “woman in the same league as him” because I genuinely don’t know any lasses this shit. 

Tamera

A 26-year-old content creator and model from New South Wales

Tamera looks immediately familiar to me. The second her face pops up on my screen I’m sure I’ve seen her before. It took a second for the penny to drop, but then I remembered: I’ve been sitting on Bondi Beach before witnessing a full-blown selfie photoshoot happening and the gal at the end of the phone was Tamera. 

She says on the show that she’s ready to meet ‘the one’ and I’m suddenly worried. I think that putting the pressure on one person to be your everything – your best friend, partner in crime, confidante, the person you fancy most etc etc – is too much. And this worry ramps up when she starts sharing her list of standards…

At 5’11, Tamera wants a guy who is 6’5″ or above, is an entrepreneur and/or professional athlete and has a ‘depth of character’ that she believes she can interrogate through a handful of texts about the ocean.

This feels like it has disaster written all over it. And I can’t wait to watch.

Sulei

A 28-year-old social worker from Queensland 

Sulei has the most impressive mullet I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s curly, short on the sides and has some serious height. And I’m immediately drawn to him because, bless him, he feels a little bit helpless on the love front. 

He has been single for four years and thinks he’s never been in love and why do I suddenly want to scoop him up and become his go-to wingwoman?

I was lucky enough to get a first impression of Sulei on screen and in-person as he popped into the Punkee studio for an interview, so this is a little biased, but I think he could be the sweetest dude like… ever?! He was so lovely, funny and excitable in that gorgeous infectious-energy way that I am now extremely emotionally invested in him finding true love on this show.

Please excuse me while I stress-watch the rest of the season to find out what happens to this lot. 

The Stan Original Dating Series Love Triangle is streaming now, and the first two episodes are live so go catch up now! New episodes will drop weekly every Thursday.

Editor’s note: This piece is an unbiased editorial piece, but we do have commercial partnerships with Stan.

Image Credits: Stan / Nick Wilson