‘MAFS’ Commitment Ceremony: Put Your Toasted Pizza & Nutella Out For Lizzie
We’re back and ready to commit ourselves, in general, and to this show for a brand new week.
You know the drill: our couples say if they want to stay or leave the experiment. I tried to say leave, but the experts wrote stay and we’re all stuck together for another week now.
Tonight’s commitment ceremony was a little more action-packed than usual because the rumours about Sam and Ines’ secret affair were confronted head-on and people had FEELINGS. Feelings of outrage! Hurt! Anger at being lied to! Annoyance that people can’t tell them the DAMN truth when confronted!
But enough about my last breakup.
Let’s recap what happened on tonight’s Married At First Sight dinner party:
We open to the lines: “Four weeks ago, 20 courageous singles took the leap of faith…”
OK, fam, calm down they didn’t go FIGHT A WAR. They went to fight for their right to gain an Instagram following.
We didn’t even hit the commitment ceremony for at least 20 minutes of the episode. While the show rehashed literally every single thing we’ve already seen, I started getting a glimpse into what it must be like to be friends with me when I get drunk and start going on the same rant every hour or so…
I’d like to take this moment to apologise to all my friends. But I think you’re all great.
Sam let us know that Ines had been texting him non-stop and it was freaking him out.
Hugely relatable. I have this one guy constantly texting me at the moment being like “Miss you!” and “it’s time to treat your tastebuds!” but then eventually I realised that it’s not a real person, it’s just Menulog.
Jules and Cam revealed their happy news that they have dropped the L-bomb to each other.
Personally, I think the experts were shook that they matched two people who have actually made this work so far.
Mike and Heidi’s turn on the couch got hectic when expert John decided to really go in… on Heidi??!
“I’m not playing this game with you Heidi,” John said sternly when Heidi asked how she was meant to push everything to the side and start each day with a fresh approach. Strong therapy advice, 10/10!
All in all, the experts were confused that Heidi was still upset even after Mike apologised. Some of us would say that maybe she’s still upset because his apology seemed hugely insincere and not even slightly genuine, but oh well! I’m no expert, like John!
Michael and Martha, our incredibly good looking but incredibly boring pair choose to stay on for another week.
I have an observation however, so stick with me.
With Dino and Mel also choosing to stay, Mel made a joke about Dino’s morning routine which makes everyone laugh. When this happened, Michael looks directly at Martha and laughs, which is what you DO right when you like someone, right? You like to see if they have a similar reaction! I do it to the huge life-size cutout of Gerard Way I have in my room. He often doesn’t laugh back.
But where does MARTHA LOOK?????? Thanks for asking.
She looks directly at the camera.
And there we have the evidence my friends: I predict our girl Martha…isn’t that into Michael.
Don’t @ me.
Fast forwarding through the other couples who choose to all stay, we finally end up at Sam and Lizzie’s decision.
Sam finally admitted to “catching up” with Ines. Cam was all of us:
Basically then Sam contradicted himself a whole lot, saying that the Gold Coast was the first time he and Ines met up, before sticking his foot in it and saying maybe that wasn’t the case etc. etc.
He then eventually said if he had his time again, he wouldn’t have accepted Ines’ message. Meanwhile, I am still messaging every single guy I know on Instagram the chicken hatching out of the egg emoji, but getting zero responses. It’s so rude.
Of course, both Lizzie and Sam chose to leave.
Queen Cyrell then goes IN on Ines and Sam.
I know we’re sorely at the point of overusing this word in pop culture news, but it was absolutely iconic. I need Cyrell in my life during every bad stage to yell at people who have wronged me and make me feel better. I bow down to her. I will serve her. Cyrell… I love you.
“You ain’t KING-DING-A-LING,” Cyrell screamed at Sam, after Ines has left the building. End the season now, it’s not going to get any better.
Cyrell and Nic end up leaving the commitment ceremony, as Ines comes back to face Bronson and the experts.
Ines was very clinical when discussing Sam and any wrongdoing… it’s almost as though she’s talking about just watching a mildly interesting TV show unfold, but wasn’t part of the experience.
When expert Mel asked Ines if she cares about the impact this whole saga had on Bronson, Ines… well, didn’t really give a shit. “Bronson’s been through a bit in life, so I’m sure he’ll survive,” she smiled.
Other Mel is truly all of us right now:
The show ended with everyone yelling at Sam and Ines to get their timeline right while the experts just sat there looking dead behind the eyes.
HUGE SAME.