The ‘MAFS’ Dinner Party Recap: Was The Thumb Sucked Or Not Sucked?
Welcome back to another night of watching other people get lit, while I sadly sing Butch Walker songs in the direction of my neighbour’s house during the ad breaks.
They told me I sound like a dying cat.
Anyway, let’s chat about what went down at tonight’s MAFS dinner party because, well, it was A LOT.
Firstly, we open to Lizzie in bed after girls night, looking a little miserable.
MFW I wake up after a night out and look at my phone and realised I’ve written back to some crush’s Instagram story but it doesn’t make sense and he never replied it just says “seen” and that “seen” is forever burned into my brain and I will never love again.
Anyway, we take 25 MINUTES of rehashing ALL THE OTHER EPISODES before our couples even get to the dinner party.
Do you know what I could’ve done in those 25 minutes? I could’ve cooked dinner, I could’ve done some pilates for the first time, I could’ve stuck more pins into a voodoo doll of my ex, I could’ve had a long, healthy cry in the shower, I COULD’VE HAD A NAP. But instead, I did none of that.
I patiently waited thinking the dinner party was starting any second and now I’ve missed my chance for dinner.
However! A few important things to note during this time, because you’ll need it for context later: Heidi didn’t want Mike to talk to Jessika without her. Ning told Mark that she spotted Sam and Ines in Jess and Mick’s room. And Ines thinks Sam could be her IRL husband if they depart the show soon.
As soon as the couples start getting together the “Sam and Ines being in Jess & Mick’s room” rumours start flying.
No one is more confused in this situation than the actual room-owners, Jess and Mick.
When Ines arrives, Martha and Jess asked her about the room rumours.
Which, of course, she flat out denied.
Meanwhile, Nic & Cyrell cheers to the fact it’s 7pm and they haven’t had a fight yet.
I just low-key love these two? Like, if they break up in the end I don’t know which one I’d be able to choose???
Lizzie makes her triumphant dinner party return and everyone is still really shocked to see her??
In fact, Michael might have been the most shocked out of everyone. “Jesus!” he yelled.
Not quite, Michael, not quite.
Heidi went off at Mike when she found out he had a quick chat to Jessika… without her.
Heidi and Mike then start arguing at dinner to everyone’s parents, Jules and Cam, and FFS will people STOP swearing and YELLING in front of the FOOD???
Cyrell pulled Lizzie aside to talk about the rumours flying around, and Lizzie just looks like someone kicked her dog.
“I wanna see my friend unleash the DRAGON,” Cyrell yelled at Lizzie, trying to pep her up. Lizzie looks like she’s ready to unleash as much as Viserion was when he was first struck down by the Night King on Game of Thrones. Yeah, I’m just trying to prove I once watched things OTHER than this show, what of it.
Cyrell, girl, just get Lizzie out of there and set her free. Honestly. She’s been through enough.
Somehow Dino became the one to tell Bronson about the rumours.
Maybe because he’s the most zen, maybe because even he doesn’t know what he’s doing here most of the time and thought he may as well get some screen time in. Who knows?
Intermission: Marriage – An Artist’s Portrait
Eventually, Lizzie lets loose at Sam after he says Lizzie “tried to have sex with him.”
Hopefully after the show the only thing Sam gets to have sex with is his hand.
A huge argument ends up breaking out between, well, everyone, and everyone’s just yelling about the thumb-sucking and who did it to who and HONESTLY, is this an ACTUAL THING???? Like, if I ever go on a date again will I have to suck someone’s thumb? I AM A GOOD CATHOLIC GIRL.
Eventually, Sam told Lizzie “you’ve lost your mind” while smiling like some demon from hell and good LORD, I need therapy just watching him gaslight her.
Heidi and Mike have an argument about who has shut the door first on their relationship.
It’s like, the worst point scoring system of all time. “No, I shut the door first!” “Well. I slammed the door!”
Well, I’m slamming my head repeatedly into my laptop right now, coz y’all are stressing me out.
“Relationships are tough work, maybe they’re not for everyone,” Mike lamented to the camera. Honestly, that’s the smartest thing he’s ever said.
Sam and Ines had a secret meetup. “I get so horny when I see you,” Ines told Sam. “When you walk into a room I just die, I have about six orgasms in my head.”
Wow, if only it were really that easy for women to achieve orgasms.
Sam gets freaked out by Ines’ intensity about wanting the two of them to leave the experiment to be together.
“I’ve had to dodge one bullet for another bullet,” he told the camera.
Woe is Sam! Poor thing! Hope he’s going to be OK!
