‘Married At First Sight’ Episode 2: Don’t Talk About Viagra At Your Best Mate’s Wedding
Married At First Sight premiered last night and luckily for us, we still have weeks and weeks to go of this hot mess.
We saw Jules and Cam tie the knot, while Nic and Cyrell finally got rid of Cyrell’s weirdly possessive brother. But now it’s time to meet our new married couples!
We met Jessika, who is ready for someone to fall in love with her personality and not just her looks.
Relatable, hands up if you have the same struggle!
“Put your hand down,” my mum texted me.
John compliments country boy Mick on his humour, before sliding in the knife. “We often use humour to keep people away from that sensitive side.”
Wow fucking @ me next time, John, I watch this show to be entertained not to go into an existential crisis.
Just kidding, I watch this show because I loathe myself.
Elsewhere, Mel, the hyperactive one who hasn’t bonked in 8 years, gets matched with meditative Dino.
Mel got very emotional while wedding dress shopping, while Dino tried to be one with his energies or something. Mel then slept in the day of her wedding, got locked in her own garage and made the taxi pull over on the side of the highway because she thought she forgot her wedding dress.
Mel, we love you, you messy binch.
At Jess and Mick’s wedding, Jess’ mates reckon she won’t be into Mick. “Sorry to disappoint you already,” he told the crowd.
As Jess made her way down the aisle to meet her new hubby, she asked him how he is. “Good, mate, how are you?” he replied.
Damn Aussie men are romantic.
At the other wedding, Dino proved not all Aussie men are a lost cause, and decided to propose to his new wife at the altar.
It was kind of sweet if you ignored the fact he rocked up late on a horse and the fact his vows were absolutely bonkers.
At Jess and Mick’s reception, Mick’s best man decided it was time to give a speech — about viagra.
Nothing like your new wife hearing that you drunkenly took a boner pill on a camping trip then had to rub one out 177 times.
Jess’ family were… less than impressed.
The brother and dad took Mick aside to give him a stern talking to. Mick let them know he very much disapproved of his viagra story leaking out and that he’d reign his best man in. Jess’ dad warned Mick that he is a “thunder clap” so he needs to treat his baby girl right.
IDK, I don’t get it either, I try not to speak the language of “Aussie male”.
Meanwhile, Mel and Dino got talking about spirituality because Mel was worried Dino may be a little too zen for her. He calmed her down by talking about a weird-ass dream he had.
The details are hazy to me too because I tried to block this scene out, but it was something about old mate Dino being in the Himalayan mountains and having a snake wrapped around his neck. I tried to meditate it all out of my memory, but it hasn’t worked yet.
Mel tried to reassure us (and herself) that things would be OK, because the experts had obviously put them together for a reason. This is definitely the face of someone who… believes that statement:
You know shit is doomed when people still trust the experts and think any of their reasonings are actually genuine.
Jess and Mick find their footing again after the speech mishap and talk about how they both want kids.
Personally I can’t think of anything worse to discuss on your first date, or on any date for that matter.
And Dino and Mel wrap up the night with Dino telling Mel he’s keen for his lemon water in the morning. Talk dirty to me, Dino!
Somehow I don’t think Mel is going to break her 8-year streak tonight.