20 Things That Happened On Tonight’s Very Dramatic ‘MAFS’ Dinner Party

There are many things that can leave a sour taste in one’s mouth: sucking on a lemon after a tequila shot. Biting into a squishy grape. Watching a dinner party episode of Married At First Sight.

If you were thinking things had been relatively tame on MAFS up until this point, then tonight’s episode took it to a whole new level— and let me tell you, not in a good way.

Now here’s the short version before we dive into it: with a heated “he said, she said” debate about Michael and Hayley “macking on”, the dinner party was chaotic from the get-go and pretty much everyone yelled at some stage (minus,  Jonethen who often looks like he’s walked into the wrong show and is confused about it). But things took a nasty turn when it was revealed David had carried out revenge on his cheating spouse Hayley by scrubbing their toilet with her toothbrush.

Bring back the days of Martha dumping wine on Cyrell and Jessika undoing her top to get Dan’s attention. Things were so tame back then.

Let’s recap this absolute mess of a dinner party:

1. We learn David had messaged Stacey about what went down between Hayley and Michael.

As it turned out, the night of the drunken pash, Stacey was back home visiting her kids and when Stacey is away, old Michael will play.

Michael, however, seems to think he and Hayley did NOT mack on, and he was just flirtatious towards her. “So, what is the truth?” my elderly next door neighbour yelled through the wall, banging it a few times with her fist.

Fuck, Doris, I don’t know, I’ve got the same information you’ve got, settle down.

2. Natasha and Mikey made the smartest decision in the world to skip the dinner party and I wish I could say I did the same.

So Mikey and Natasha get to tap out, but we don’t? Wow.

All the other couples seem to know about the drama but are relatively stable this week. Honestly, I’d probably pay good money to see the group chat between these drama kings and queens, I’m not even ashamed to admit it.

3. Stacey and Hayley hashed it out woman to woman before the dinner party.

For her part, Hayley doesn’t see it as “cheating” because she was done with David. But, Hayley, do you give a fuck that you hooked up with your friend’s husband? Because I think maybe… you should.

Hayley told Stacey that she and Michael were both drunk and things got out of control and it just “happened.” Stacey took it all in fairly quietly, and Hayley left feeling like she had Stacey onside.

DUN DUN, cue that dramatic Law and Order music though… Stacey is actually EXTREMELY mad at Hayley. In fact, she said she was going to turn a “steam train” onto her at the dinner party. Whatever that means.

See, ICYMI, Stacey is a lawyer and she has seen the good sides of Michael so apparently the evidence isn’t stacking up for her here. I mean, sure, maybe it is hard to doubt your husband cheated on you when he’s already lied to you a handful of times, got drunk constantly, and abused you after drinking.  I’m sure he’d draw the line at a drunk party pash. Absolutely.

But because Stacey is a lawyer, she needs hard facts and evidence about this alleged kiss because otherwise it’s not going to “stand up in court”. Judge Judy is shaking.

4. Mishel told Hayley that David rubbed Hayley’s toothbrush in the toilet and filmed it.

I’m sorry, but WHAT THE FUCK.

This is where we’re told Mishel alerted Hayley about the incident “straight away” so Hayley didn’t use the contaminated toothbrush. Remember this, because things change down the line…

5. John mansplained to his fellow experts and the audience this is the FIRST time we’ve seen the couples together since the last commitment ceremony.

As Ivan and Aleks (our two shining beacons of normal human behaviour) walked in, John enthusiastically told Mel and Trish that they had NO idea what the couples had been up to since they last all saw them! So weird, haha!

Mel can’t even believe it! Time flies when you’re wasting every last breath watching this show.

6. David made an entrance and started talking about Hayley and Michael’s hookup.

The experts were shook as though infidelity has never, ever happened on this show… though, low-key, Trish was secretly gleeful for some drama, it’s probably the first time she’s felt alive this season.

David and Johnethen had a conversation where David stated he’s proud of the way he’s acted throughout the experiment, well, for the most part. “We all do shit things,” Johnny replied, to which David smirked, “well, sometimes we do.”

Friends, we call this foreshadowing. You’ve got your whole seat but you only need the edge of it.

Hayley pulled old mate Steve aside to tell him about the toothbrush scrubbing, and said to Steve that she didn’t use the toothbrush. OK. Good. That’s good.

7. Stacey and Michael arrived (separately) and things got awkward AF when Michael walked in. Thankfully this dude appeared.

As God herself Mariah Carey once sung, “And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on.”

Give this man a pay rise.

8. At the dinner party, Michael decided it was important to get up and make a speech about HIS side of the story.

“The fuse has been lit,” expert John said sagely. “And there’s a big elephant sitting on that table,” Mel agreed solemnly.

Golly gosh, she is RIGHT.

Michael admitted to flirting and dancing on Hayley, but said he didn’t kiss her. He then says he doesn’t remember EVERYTHING.

“I cannot apologise for something that I have no recollection of happening,” he said, which is also me when I wake up and find out I’ve slid into the DMs of someone and been left on “seen”.

Hayley then asked the group what she could have to gain by telling them all she made out with Michael, which is an EXTREMELY fair point. Like, no one would admit to that willingly.

David said he believed every word about Michael and Hayley’s hookup but no one really wanted to listen to him because he’s wearing this hideous green shirt:

As we later learn, this is not his worst offence of the evening.

9. Stacey decided Hayley was the real enemy here and said Hayley took advantage of “vulnerable Michael” and AHHHHHIKMGHJLKGJHNTRFGVBNM.

I do think Stacey is a smart and strong woman, don’t get me wrong. But as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango tongues and Hayley isn’t the only person who betrayed someone here.

Stacey let RIP on Hayley, saying she betrayed everyone in the room and called her out for having no respect. She then got real mad because she let Hayley into her kitchen to bake banana bread, so WHY was Hayley ever with her husband alone?

Honestly, I get it, one time I had a friend over, made homemade sausage rolls and a few weeks later she hooked up with my boyfriend. It sucks.

Nah, but the worst part was when Stacey said Hayley took advantage of Michael, because as everyone is well aware, Michael LOVES to party so Hayley was all of a sudden “encouraging vulnerable Michael.” Call me crazy, but I just feel like this 29-year-old man who has a son, should be able to control himself?? Maybe? Stacey? Hello? You still there?

10. Stacey reminded us she’s a lawyer.

When Hayley questioned Stacey about not believing her, Stacey yelled at her about not having proof. “I’m a LAWYER,” she said. “I’m a lawyer! Get me a video because I’m a lawyer, I need evidence!”

I mean, some would say the evidence is literally the douchebag sitting next to you, but what would I know.

As always, it got me thinking about how low the bar is for heterosexual men. Things are so dire out there ladies, stay strong.

11. Hayley and Stacey continued to yell at each other while Michael kicked back and watched on.

“They haven’t even had the entree yet,” Mel said sadly while John sighed heavily.

12. Aleks, Ivan, and Steve backed up Hayley and offered their support, saying they believed her version of events.

Remember when this social experiment was about love and learning about relationships? Nah, me neither lmao.

Aleks told Hayley she knew she wasn’t lying because she was crying about it. I’m not entirely sure about that logic, but sure. Meanwhile, Ivan continued to be maybe the best person on this series, encouraging Hayley to stay strong and keep her head up. Am I… am I… in love with Ivan now?

Feeling scared and horny.

God, they all must be so hungry for something that isn’t drama though. I am, of course, talking about the lack of meals on the dinner table.

13. Hayley exited for a brief break before she returned back with a little concrete evidence.

Stacey may not have gotten any evidence about the kiss from Hayley, but Hayley sure had some more evidence up her sleeve… or rather shoved down the side of her jumpsuit.

14. Intermission: Thank the lord for Ivan and Aleks, because everyone else is still yelling.

I can’t wait until they make babies*.

*I will be their child if they want.

15. Stacey finally gave Michael a piece of her mind.

“You’ll never understand how I feel, you don’t get it,” she yelled. “All you do is hurt me, Michael.”

SERVE IT TO HIM, SIS. DON’T STOP. THROW A VODDY SODA IN HIS FACE.

16. David decided to step in and give the other “complexed” couples some relationship advice, which pushed Hayley over the edge… and here we have it folks: the toilet/toothbrush saga finally unfolded.

First things first, I want to reiterate David took it upon himself to dish out some relationship advice to, in his words, the other “complexed” couples. I think he maybe meant perplexed, but this isn’t the time to be nit-picky.

Because of this, Hayley got up, shared the toilet scrubbing news to the whole table, and threw the DAMN toothbrush straight at David.

Tag yourself, I’m Cathy.

In all their years of terrible matchmaking, even the experts weren’t prepared for such a gross story to unfold.

All of a sudden, Trish is doubting the t-shirt sniffing test. John thought we had seen it all after last season but was sorely mistaken. Mel has probably been dry-retching ever since she first saw this moment.

I am writing a cheque for the producers of this show to pay for my next round of therapy.

17. David ended up leaving the dinner party while everyone else just appeared to be in a state of shock.

Sometimes words don’t do nasty events justice, so let’s just take in Cathy’s horrified look and Josh’s perplexed vibe. Or do I mean complexed?

David justified his actions by saying his mates have done worse to him. “Do you know why?” he said. “Because practical jokes have no limits.”

David, a practical joke is a prank call asking someone if their refrigerator’s still running. A practical joke is NOT scouring a dirty toilet with someone else’s toothbrush.

18. A distraught Hayley reckons maybe she did use the toothbrush after all?

I don’t know, fam. It’s all just disgusting. Suddenly the fact I took all the cutlery with me after my ex cheated doesn’t seem so petty.

Here’s the thing: David was SO happy to get out of the relationship and Hayley gave him that out, and they both had decided they were over anyway. There was no need for him to stoop to anything this petty and disgusting in order to get revenge.

The fact he justified his actions and said it was just a prank is deeply, deeply concerning and this man needs some immediate therapy and I hope to never see him on our TV screens again.

19. Stacey and Michael took to the sex/cheating lounge where Michael subtly gaslit Stacey in an attempt to seek her forgiveness.

“I haven’t told you this but Stacey I’ve got to be honest, I’ve loved you since the honeymoon,” he said, as a way of winning her back. Cancel all these men, I swear to god. Bring back Troy and Nasser for all I care, because this is some deeply f*cked behaviour.

Michael decided he’s going to write leave on his card for the commitment ceremony in order to give Stacey the power to call the shots/choose to stay if she wants to.

I would hope to god she will be writing “leave” in big, capital letters, but somehow I do not feel hopeful.

20. Anyway, I need a long, long nap and three bottles of wine, not necessarily in that order.

Time and time again, this show really does the most to prove relationships are not worth it.