9 Things That Happened In Tonight’s Rather Confusing Dinner Party Ep Of ‘MAFS’
Welcome back to another week of Married at First Sight – it’s either our fifth dinner party or our 72nd one, there is no in between.
We’re six weeks into the social experiment studying how fast anyone recapping this show can lose their sanity, and let me tell you – that part of the experiment is working.
The marriages however? Let’s just say we’re glad we didn’t go in with high hopes.
Me binning all remnants of men since learning they don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. #MAFS pic.twitter.com/gbtC0Wa1ib
— PUNKEE (@itspunkee) March 10, 2020
As the couples prepare for another wine-fuelled, tantrum-filled dinner party, here’s the background information we need to get through to the actual dinner party:
Cathy and Josh haven’t spoken since their fight on the beach. Seb and Lizzie have banged. KC wants to be taken out for dinner and have the guy pay for it, whereas Drew hopes his daughter one day doesn’t grow up wanting fake boobs or lips, therefore dragging KC. So just another normal day in MAFS world.
We also have an incredibly staged Michael and Stacey convo where Michael filled Stacey in on running into Ivan and hearing about his issues with Aleks. The show wants us to believe this is the first time Michael and Stacey have discussed this new tidbit of drama as though Michael didn’t run back and tell her straight away, while also alerting the concierge and the dude down at the local 7/11.
Michael and Stacey talk about the fact Aleks and Ivan HAVE been intimate (Trish’s little ears are burning!) and Michael reckons the next logical step is to bring up the fact Ivan and Aleks have banged at the dinner party. It’s all very normal behaviour, as usual.
Oh yeah and Connie still has the mirrored wall of Johnny’s flaws.
OK as Drew would say, let’s kick on(s)! Here’s everything you missed in tonight’s very confusing dinner party:
1. Steve and Mishel decided to give everyone stuffed toys.
And yet, this still isn’t the weirdest thing that’s ever happened on this show.
The general message behind the gift was quite sweet. Steve and Mishel decided to spread the love, giving each person a little stuffed toy so when things get stressful they could give it a hug.
KC had war-like flashbacks to Drew’s toys from hometown visits and was less than impressed.
2. Josh entered the dinner party solo, but that wasn’t the most shocking part.
Josh, babe, what are you wearing? If I wanted to get a flashback to my past growing up in Wagga, I would’ve just stayed there.
As the experts tried to desperately figure out where they went so wrong with Josh and Cathy, Expert John wisely told us, “They walk on eggshells all the time, they’re constantly in the dog box.”
Honestly the “dog box” sounds like a safer place to be than this dinner party so take me there, John!
3. Lizzie can’t stop telling people she’s banged Seb.
The best part was when she told Jonethen and he clearly had no idea how to react so he goes “how was it?” and she goes “REALLY good” in that kind of way your girlfriends would pick up on like “ohh yeah 😉 gotcha”, except Johnny is a man and he was like “OK then!!!”
But thankfully, this is a new storyline for Lizzie and something she CAN’T pin back to Sam because they never got horny with each other! MASSIVE points to Seb, he can be his own person now!
Literally though imagine an Aussie guy appearing on this show and NOT making a joke about only lasting a few seconds. Men are so baffling.
“You’re just jealous because you’ve had zero seconds this year!” my next door neighbour Doris yelled as she burst through my front door, wheezing with laughter. “I, on the other hand, have had more minutes than I can count! Hours actu-”
Sorry BRB, gotta go get my locks changed.
4. While Aleks confided in Lizzie about friendzoning Ivan, the experts once again couldn’t fathom how their little Sims have gotten so out of their control.
It happens to the best of us. You start off with a golden Sim, and then all of a sudden it’s their life ambition to do CRAZY shit like make the world’s best goopy carbonara and next minute they’re up at all hours, crying in the kitchen, not sleeping, peeing their pants, and waving their hands wildly in the air screaming for help.
Anyway, enough about my life. If the person who controls me is reading this, please… I just want to sleep.
Basically, the most important part to take out of all of this is that Aleks has friendzoned Ivan and started feeling differently for him after the last commitment ceremony. Then there’s Michael and Stacey, who reckon Aleks and Ivan have had sex and plan to expose them during dinner for reasons none of us fully understand.
5. Things then hit a boiling point with Ivan, Aleks, and Michael. Warning: Please do NOT drink every time someone says the word “intimate” in this episode.
As Aleks explained during the dinner party, she’s uncomfortable talking about intimacy. She also said with Ivan she’s found a best mate but not a soulmate or a lover.
This causes Michael to pop off, and he decided to question Aleks about her intimacy with Ivan, trying to dig out of her that she and Ivan HAVE slept together.
Here’s a little Ivan moodboard to break up the confusion you’re probably feeling right now:
Nah fuck it, I HAVE decided to drink every time someone says intimate in this episode just so I can feel something again.
Now Ivan does a REALLY good job at playing the perfect gentleman in this whole clusterfuck of a fight, stating he and Aleks went into the experiment as mates and will end things as mates and that’s TOTALLY fine and he respects the fact Aleks is “missing” something with their connection. Meanwhile, as Aleks denied being intimate with Ivan again, JOSH jumped in to say he heard they had done the sex too.
This made Aleks start yelling about how KISSING is intimate to her, so the only form of intimacy she and Ivan have experienced is actually just pashing. Are you keeping up? Because I barely am.
“It’s not hard to keep up,” next door neighbour Doris said, where she’s now made herself comfortable on my foam roller. “It’s just that you haven’t experienced any intimacy in about three years.”
As Michael and Josh harp on about the fact they’ve heard Aleks and Ivan have banged, Aleks ended up getting up and storming out of the dinner party while Ivan followed her.
6. But folks! It’s not over yet. Apparently Aleks had been going on DATES with another man.
Mishel dropped that she and Aleks went to a Serbian event where they met some people, and a man there who DRIVES a FERRARI took a shining to Aleks. Michael ALSO seemed to think Aleks had told him about a date she went on the previous night. Was it with Ferarri guy?! Who knows! Certainly not us.
Mishel then talked about how if she had a man treating her like Ivan treats Aleks, she’d “fall at his feet and lick his toes.” Honestly, that is 100% what she said. Sometimes there is not enough wine in the world for this show.
Mishel then goes on to say this about Ferarri guy:
I mean, at least I think it was about Ferarri guy and not Ivan.
7. Lizzie finally got the drama she signed up for as the “Aleks went on a date with another man” rumour started circulating around the table, courtesy of Michael.
“Did she cheat on him?” Johnny asked. “Yeah, how is that right?” Michael replied. I, uh… Michael…
The experts let us know that if this news is indeed true, Aleks has made a fool of Ivan, a fool of the group, and a fool of the experiment. The nerve! As if we’re not all giant fools already, sitting here watching this.
As it turned out, Michael had already told Ivan about the date so Ivan now had the power to “tell the truth to the group” whatever the fuck that is meant to mean.
Meanwhile, Mishel decided to question Aleks on the DL if she went on a date with “that” guy. Aleks’ tired answer is every woman trying to keep up with their friends’ hectic dating lives:
As Aleks found out about the new rumour spreading, shit hit the fan and she let everyone know she went to dinner with a female friend, to a Serbian restaurant where the owner — a 50-year-old man — sat with them. Michael then countered it saying “that’s not what you told me when you got back to the lobby.”
Honestly, the only thing I’ve learned from ALL of this is that Michael must hang around the hotel lobby a lot, sniffing out drama. Must be why he’s always sniffling away on the show.
Aleks then went back to defending herself against the claims she and Ivan had sex, once again saying their intimacy was pashing only.
8. Now THIS is where things got reaaaal interesting. Josh and Michael decided to close in on Ivan, and implored him to stand up for himself and tell the truth that he and Aleks had shagged or whatever.
Ivan immediately tried to drop the subject and neither confirmed nor denied he and Aleks had a grown up hug. This caused a ruckus with Josh and Michael, who then went in on Ivan saying that he was making them look like idiots.
One could argue they do that just fine on their own, but not the point, because… drum roll please…
Josh and Michael then dropped that Ivan ASKED them to bring up the intimacy thing at the dinner and back him up on everything, and now they’re feeling betrayed and stitched up from trying to back up their mate.
Was this whole thing a mess of Ivan’s own making? Did he make up to da boiz that he and Aleks had been “rooting like rabbits” to get some clout? Because if so, that is really fucking gross.
9. Aleks then called out Ivan, saying his actions said A LOT about him before leaving the dinner party for good.
Ivan followed her, denying he had any part in… anything that went down, leaving everyone not involved (including myself) wildly confused.
It was Connie, however, who may have read the situation the best out of everyone. She let the remaining group know that she thought Ivan stitched up the boys to create some chaos so he’d look like a hero and win Aleks back.
Well if any of this is true, in the words of Mishel…