Apologies, Lies and Jessika’s Wandering Eyes: Here’s What Happened On Tonight’s ‘MAFS’ Dinner Party

Welcome back to another dinner party, filled with arguments, bitching, a lot of champagne and that’s just what I call my usual Wednesday night.

But in Married At First Sight land, the drunken drama is a little more intense than me half-lit singing ‘Drunk In Love’ to myself.

Tonight’s dinner party saw Cyclone Cyrell on her best behaviour, while Jessika decided she’s fed up with Mick and is ready for a little bit of Nic.

So settle in and grab your favourite comfort food, because tonight’s dinner party is bound to bring out at least three different emotions in you.

Our new couples have forged two different paths. Tamara and Dan did the dirty, while Susie made Billy sleep on the couch.

Dan said that Tamara “really opened up to him” last night while she said she “crumbled” and was “weak”. This show portrays such healthy, normal relationships with sex!

Susie asked new husband Billy to sleep on the lounge which he wasn’t very appreciative of. “All I can hear is huffing and puffing,” Susie sighed, while we cut to a forlorn Billy looking like a grumpy toddler.

Nic basically gave Cyrell an ultimatum: she better tame the beast and be on her best dinner party behaviour… or he’d be rethinking things at the commitment ceremony.

I’m currently at the point where I’m super torn about wanting Nic and Cyrell to work out vs. wanting me and Nic to work out.

Mick is struggling with Jess after the last commitment ceremony where she made him out to be the horniest man on earth.

Jessika, of course, tells him that he’s misconstrued what she’s trying to say. That’s at least three times now Jess has said something and it’s been “misconstrued” by the other person! Interesting!

And Mel and Dino have launched out of zen-mode and straight into the fire.

So for some godforsaken reason, Dino decided it would be totally normal to record Mel’s phone call where she was bagging him out. Obviously, Mel blew up and Dino was all like “Um, I did it because otherwise you’d change the story/deny it” while sipping his ginger tea or some shit, which only enraged her more.

And we haven’t even got to the dinner party yet!

“I don’t think we’re connecting as a married couple,” Dino said, in the most astute statement of the series so far.

At the dinner party, Martha zones in on the other women to tell them all her version of the story before Cyrell gets there.

As Martha goes on a dramatic recount of what went down, Jess admitted to the camera that Nic was never touching her leg in a “sexual” way. “But you know what, let’s ruffled some feathers up in this experiment,” she said.

Ugh, I hate this already.

Martha then tried to pull Cyrell away for a chat straight away, and Cyrell politely declined and asked if they could do it a little later on. “Bitch talk to me now, you’re lucky I’m even looking in your direction,” Martha said to the camera. Someone’s true colours are coming out. 🙂 🙂 🙂

The new couples arrive, and the experts find some vague reasoning for explaining it to themselves.

“We’re doing this because we want our couples to deal with real-world challenges,” Trisha said, nodding firmly, as though that explained away the fact they’re really just dragging this show on for an extra few weeks.

Martha and Jess are quick to give Dan the once-over. “That’s a meal, not a snack,” Martha said.

Martha! The delicious meal is, in fact, your beautiful buff, man-bunned husband Michael. Pls! Dan is the drunk kebab you take home after a wild Saturday night out. Get it together!

“Their eyes are sparking, heavier breathing, Dan has made an IMPACT,” Trisha yelled as though he’s having the exact same impact on her.

Dino and Mel have a huge blowup during dinner.

The situation comes to a head with Mel demanding Dino just play the recording and put it all out there. Dino refuses, probably wishing back to happier days of kangaroo scrotums, herbal tea and a 108-minute long transcendental session.

Cyrell ends up apologising to Martha (again), as well as Michael.

Michael is super chill and said everyone deserves a second chance. Martha pretends to take in Cyrell’s apology while telling the camera she doesn’t really give a shit.

For some reason Jess decided she’s into Nic and Martha encouraged her to tell him.

“If I saw a man I liked, I can’t help it. It’s who I am, I would act on that,” Martha said. Martha then went on to say any woman standing in Jess’ shoes would do the same and if they denied it, they’d be lying.

Martha, sweetie, precious, beautiful devil-angel — no. That is not how the real world works for us average humans. Most of us would, oh I don’t know, wait until a relationship had run its course before considering infidelity as an option? But I can only speak for myself!

Thankfully, Nic was man enough to shut Jess down and said he’s not going to do anything that would jeopardise his marriage.

Jess played coy as though she had never propositioned him, even though we all just literally watched her do so. “How am I hitting on you?!” she screeched as though the idea was absolutely insane. “I don’t wanna do this, it’s making me uncomfortable, I don’t think we should be having this conversation,” Nic told her.

YAASS NIC! A lot of men out there should be taking notes right now.

With Nic off the market, Jess zoned in on Dan as her next target.

Somehow, poor Mick is completely oblivious.

Cancel Jess, 2019.