‘Married At First Sight’ The First Dinner Party: Fights, Tears & A Runaway Husband Returns
Tonight saw the first dinner party for our newlywed couples. If you’re new to the show, the premise of the dinner party is that all the couples get together to get more lit up than a Christmas tree and, of course, drama ensues.
The first dinner party of this season had it all: Fights, tears and screaming… and that was just me writing this recap!
Classic gag! Like Ryan from last season, I too will be launching a comedy show soon that just involves me yelling about myself.
Let’s recap what happened on tonight’s MAFS!
The experts were frothing at the mouth for some drama to kick off.
“Comparison-itis is going to set in tonight,” Mel gleefully exclaimed, as though there’s nothing more thrilling than watching a bunch of narcissistic people compare themselves to each other.
Then again, that is what we’re all watching right now in our free time, so go off I guess.
Mike lets Mick know he’s punching above his weight with Jessika.
As we’ve all seen Jessika’s behaviour, this is hugely debatable. “I like Jess,” Mike tells the cameras, not sounding seedy at all. He lets us know he finds her attractive but isn’t into the fake lips.
Well, thank God I can sleep tonight now knowing what a 44-year-old man thinks about botox and fillers.
Da boiz grill Matt about how far he’s gone with Lauren.
Let’s be real, he’s probably gotten further than any of these other men have with their wives.
“Give us something to chew on,” Mike said, as my fallopian tubes sealed themselves shut.
Lizzie rocked up solo and filled the other couples in on her runaway groom, but failed to mention she toasted her pizza.
I’ve been thinking about that all day.
Cyrrell puts her two cents in and questions if Sam was even at a funeral. When her husband, Nic, tries to defend Sam, Cyrrell blows up at him and they start arguing.
Ahh wedded bliss.
Meanwhile as Cam and Jules remain in their happy love bubble and kiss, expert John softly says: “Mmm I love to see that.”
Ines isn’t shy about the fact she’s basically at the dinner party because she’s on the search for a new husband.
She reckons this season will be different and everyone will get a new husband. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns into a massive sex party,” she points out, looking hopeful.
Sam returned from NZ and told Lizzie that he couldn’t contact her because he didn’t have her number.
Ugh, makes sense, probably why I never heard from the guy I went on one date with earlier this year. Silly men losing phones and forgetting numbers all the time just after they’ve blocked you on Instagram and whatever.
Lizzie and Sam have a big fight over dinner.
Where is Cyrrell’s mum when you need her? Stop 👏 yelling 👏 and 👏 swearing 👏 in 👏 front 👏 of 👏 the 👏 food 👏 FFS.
Sam subtly gaslights Lizzie every time she tries to talk to him. You know the way, she gets mad saying “You need to hear me out” and he says things like “well, I’m not talking, I’m listening!” but every time she starts a new sentence he then interrupts it just enough to throw her off course and then blames everything on her being emotional.
Mike gives Sam some advice on how to deal with an “emotional woman”.
“Seems stupid,” my two-year-old son muttered, looking up briefly from his Sudoku book. “Wasn’t Mike the one who admitted he couldn’t listen to his wife for longer than a minute at a time? As if he has a fundamentally deep understanding of how to deal with women, he’s a middle-aged fuckboi.”
Meanwhile, Ines is thriving on the drama and reckons Sam banged his ex-girlfriend in NZ.
“If I was Elizabeth, I’d have sex with him as much as I could before he left me,” she tells the camera.
Lizzie ends up pulling Sam away for a private chat, and he’s taken a page out of Mike’s book and zones the fuck out while she talks.
Personally, I can’t wait to zone out on Sam’s existence when he leaves this show.
Lizzie is pacified with Sam’s apology. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that,” she beamed at him. “Oh yeah, right OK,” he said, probably thinking about how good he thinks he looked doing a slow-mo run on the beach at Red Leaf during his promo shot.
The drama isn’t over yet, though! Jessika starts crying about… something.
Apparently Jessika is crying because at some stage Mike referenced her being or looking fake, so naturally, she decides to confront him about it.
Mike, looks perplexed but we also now know he’s a pretty serious actor. “Should I draw a diaphragm?” Jessika asks him.
No, Jess, hon, please don’t.
Jessika then gets mad at Mick for not standing up for her.
Poor Mick is just bewildered as shit. He’s got no clue what’s going on. He’s probably still wondering why his wife wants to draw a diaphragm.