Our Guide To Surviving This Racing Season W/ Your Dignity Or At Least Some Shoes
Racing fever is once again taking hold of Melbourne: For one week the city absolutely lives for the Spring Racing Carnival which has nothing to do with horses.
Tbh, no one really wants to watch an archaic race that probz should have died off decades. But we do want to eat cured meats, dress like we’re rich and day drink. We really do.
So we’ve compiled a survival guide for this year’s festivities so you can get drunk, stay safe, and leave the day with shoes still in hand.
Prep Your Makeup Like A Queen
Whether your mug is going to look decent the whole day will come down to what you did at the beginning of your makeup routine. Make sure you apply sunscreen and primer before you even start your face. It’s all about that base, baby.
Get To The Track Stupidly Early
Unless you have a private marquee (bitch pls!) then you will need to get there VERY early to secure a spot on the green for you and your mates. You’ll no doubt be drinking from 8am anyway, so you can always set up your spot and have a nap until the action starts.
Bring Your Own Toilet Paper
This is basic, I know, but like any outdoor event that involves far too much of the earth’s population, bathrooms will be a nightmare. Just to be safe, bring an extra dunny roll.
Pick Shoes That Won’t Paralyse You
Say it with me, fam: don’t wear uncomfortable shoes, no matter how cute they are. Believe me, you won’t remember how they looked. You will remember having to limp home early because your feet became so swollen that your sky-high heels became fused to them like some Frankenstein hoof. Not cute.
Embrace Being Extra By Wearing A Giant Hat & Sunnies
Fascinators filled with skull-piercing bobby pins are just not a good time. When else can you wear a fuck-off huge hat without looking like you’re heading to the royal wedding? You’ll look great, it’s sun safe and you can avoid interacting with people with a quick brim flick. Chuck on a giant pair of sunnies and you’re done. Byeeeeee.
Bring Lots Of Snacks & Plenty Of Water
Buying food at Flemington is bloody expensive so do yourself a favour and bring snacks. If you plan on a day of drinking (is that even a question?) then don’t forget to pack lots of water so you don’t dehydrate in the Melbourne heat.
Don’t Hide Alcohol In Your Sunscreen
Hiding booze in random objects is a fine art. Just don’t choose a sunscreen bottle. I’ve done it before and it never looks anything other than suss AF and security WILL NOTICE. When would it be acceptable for a punter to just randomly pump their Banana Boat into a glass of Red Bull?! It ain’t normal.
Stay safe fam, and remember if all else fails just leave the overhyped races and go to the pub.
