milf manor watched recap funny

We Watched ‘MILF Manor’ AKA The Most Cursed Reality Show On Earth

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Once again, our love for reality TV is being tested and perhaps… we deserve it. 

This time, the test has come in the form of MILF Manor: a new reality dating show doing the rounds for being the most cooked thing ever. 

After securing the name they surely had to check was available via incognito mode, the producers of MILF Manor invited eight single mums to the titular manor so they could drink, mix, and mingle with some young men. 

And because I’ll try anything to fight depression (just kidding, unless??), I thought I’d give it a watch!

We meet the MILFs (that’s Mum I’d Like to F**k in case you missed the ‘00s) which includes Pola, the ballerina who thinks this is a competition; Kelle, who is clearly the horny main character; Charlene, who is way too normal for this show; Stefany, who’s looking forward to what ‘God has planned for her’; and Soyoung who likes to joke that she is not old, she’s ‘so young’.

I hope you like that joke because they make it a lot!

There are other contestants but production quickly forgets about them and so will you.

Anyways, where are the young men for our MILFs to do sex on? The MILFs are aged between 43 to 59 and the younger men range from 20 to 30. 

Some would say they’re old enough to be the women’s sons. 

Well, that’s because they are.

Yes, the dating pool for our eight MILFs is made entirely out of their corresponding eight adult sons. The mother/son duos will be doing everything together including socialising, direct to camera interview segments, competing in woefully produced competitions, and trying to pull with their family member seemingly always in view.

Oh, and mothers and sons are sharing rooms because this is apparently what I want as a viewer.

How about we just take a moment to let that sink in and look at this picture of a baby seal for a sec.

What a curious little fluff ball.

Alright, now back to MILF Manor which is a real show, not to be confused with MILF Island, a 30 Rock bit from 15 years ago. To be sure, I thought this was a weird idea before they brought out the sons to date.

I have to live the rest of my life with a pair of hands that have typed that previous sentence.

Picture this: someone thought of the idea for MILF Manor. They thought it was good enough to share with people. There was a pitch meeting for this, probably with a PowerPoint that was well rehearsed. Presumably, there were brainstorms, pre-production meetings, interviews for potential crew members during which the adults who concocted it would have to repeatedly explain MILF Manor is not porn, or a joke.

Let’s get this clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with single mums wanting to date or fool around with a younger bloke and vice versa. If everyone’s consenting and of age, go for it. 

However, you don’t necessarily need to do it where your mum/son can see and you certainly don’t need to do it in front of cameras where I can see! 

Understandably, the contestants have been duped and didn’t know they would be in a dating pool with their flesh and blood. Charlene states this made her feel ‘overwhelmed and uncomfortable’ because like I said, she’s the most normal one. 

Otherwise, everyone else is pretty keen to get on with it and so they do.

So what have you missed?

I don’t think I need to spell this out but the show gets weird pretty fucking quick. I watched the first three episodes and there was some pretty crook stuff in there, starting with Kelle and her Andy Samberg-at-home son Joey talking about breasts. Her breasts specifically and the various nourishments they have provided over the years.

Take a shot every time Joey says ‘MA!’ and you still won’t get drunk enough to deal with this show. You might end up as drunk as toenail polish connoisseur Jimmy gets after a mother/son secret guessing game where his mum, Soyoung, reveals she once slept with his best friend.

Later, Billy tries to impress Kelle by telling her he’s got an illegally sized monster dong in his pants. That wouldn’t have been so weird but naturally, Kelle tries to confirm the size of Billy’s willy with his mum.

You also missed meeting the show’s host but so did I because there isn’t one.

Instead, contestants take turns reading out messages on their phones, proving in the process that being a reality show host isn’t as easy as it looks. Presumably production saved money by doing this but I like to think no one wanted to host it after hearing the concept because who wants to be ‘that MILF Manor guy’ for the rest of his life?

With no hosts (or expert panel) the contestants are also required to do the heavy lifting regarding the show’s paper thin aim of breaking down the taboo around relationships between older women and younger men. It’s pretty lazy and as someone ogling at this House Lannister of a dating show, I can’t help but feel like I’m contributing to the taboo now.

So do I recommend you watch MILF Manor?

No, not really. It’s not streaming in Australia (even with a VPN you need a US credit card to pay for Discovery+) and take it from me, breaking the law to watch MILF Manor makes you feel like you really deserve to be charged for piracy.

My main takeaway from MILF Manor is that once you get past the overwhelmingly inappropriate concept, it’s really just another reality dating show. People go on ‘dates’ they pretend they organised, contestants humiliate themselves behind the guise of self-discovery, and someone who should have studied harder in school recaps it on the internet. 

Yes, it’s a pretty crook concept to overlook but I was scared by how easily I was able to do it. This is something you don’t need to learn about yourself. I feel like one of those cave divers who ignores the sign that says ‘don’t dive in here’ and ends up lost in the dark forever.

Maybe we need shows like MILF Manor to show us how much reality TV has warped what we expect from entertainment without regard for those involved?

Either way, at least think of Jimmy solo skinny dipping to deal with his mum revealing she once rooted his best mate, all on a TV show that doesn’t even offer a cash prize.