10 Iconic Movies That Would Have Ended Quickly If They’d Just Used Phones Properly
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A lot of films fail the phone logic test.
Phones with crazy-good coverage, the entire internet only a tap away, and GPS satellites tracking our exact location; there’s a good chance your favourite film is toast with a phone.
Of course, most modern films do have smartphones, but not very smart people.
As an experiment, we want to put films to the proper-phone-usage test. Yes, a lot of these films are over quickly, but that’s what you get with an extremely reliable phone service and very clever, ridiculously good-looking people.
#1 Romeo + Juliet (1996)
The text message chain that should have happened in Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet goes something like this:
Romeo: Hey Jules
Juliet: Hello lover, I am going to fake my own death so don’t overreact k
Romeo: cool cool cool
#2 Finding Nemo (2003)
How many phones get dropped in the ocean on the daily? The advancements in waterproof technology mean there must be one working at the bottom of the ocean. Marlin and Dory ask around, they find a phone and search P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. The film is over in half the time.
#3 Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Lux Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) manipulates Batman and Superman to get them to fight each other thanks to a series of ludicrous misunderstandings. All Batman and Superman had to do was pick up the phone and have a deep and meaningful conversation about superhero life. Heck, Superman could have just searched “What is Batman’s mother’s name?” Feud over.
#4 There’s Something About Mary (1998)
Ben Stiller’s character googles Mary. That’s it. That’s the movie.
#5 The Da Vinci Code (2006)
If you haven’t read or seen The Da Vinci Code, firstly, what have you been doing for the past 15 years? Secondly, we’re about to spoil it big time. The big reveal is that one of the main characters is related to Jesus Christ. Yes, THAT Jesus. There would have been no need to solve a bunch of intense puzzles if they’d just looked it up on one of those family tree websites on their phone.
#6 The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Two words: Google Maps. The End.
#7 How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)
We’re told at the beginning of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days that Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) is a writer for a popular women’s magazine. She’s a prolific writer known for her “How to …” columns. Not once does Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey), the titular guy she’s trying to lose, bother to look her up. Sure, he’s trying to win a bet, but he’s also getting scammed by his co-workers. At least make a few calls, Ben! A quick bit of recon on Andie Anderson would have revelled she’s always losing guys in 10 days for the sake of journalism.
#8 Fight Club (1999)
If we’re supposed to believe Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are such best buddies in this film, why did they never take a selfie? Boom! Roll credits.
#9 Get Out (2017)
Chris’ (Daniel Kaluuya) phone has no battery because his girlfriends creepy AF family keep taking it off the charger so they can prep him for a brain swap (this film is so much crazier than you remember). Chris, buddy, you always pack a second charger and find a hiding spot if you’re going to be staying with shady rich white people.
If Chris kept his phone properly charged, he could have got out as soon the tea got served.
#10 Jurassic Park (1993)
You arrive at Jurassic Park and see real dinosaurs. You also happen to be a freelance journalist looking for a big break. You get out your phone and dial the New York Times with the story of the century because you have amazing worldwide coverage. Within the hour, the front page of one of the world’s most-trusted newspapers says: “Forget the Backstreet Boys, because dinosaurs are back!” The tour is cancelled, you are probably going to win a Pulitzer Prize, and nobody gets eaten while on the toilet.
This article originally appeared on Junkee.
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(Lead image: Aleks Dorohovich / Unsplash)