What Your New Year’s Resolution Says About You
January 1st is fast approaching y’all, and that means a few things.
It’s time to stop eating Christmas cake doused in custard for breakfast, it’s time to regrettably pash a stranger to numb the loneliness when midnight hits, and (most importantly) it’s time to carefully consider what your New Year’s resolution will be.
New Year’s resolutions are a scam, and the “new year, new me” movement is pure bullshit. Amanda Bynes once tweeted, “new year same me because I’m perfect.” I really felt that.
But when January rolls around it just feels like a fresh start, you know? We all become drunk on the idea that the New Year will magically motivate us to do all the shit we’ve been putting off because the timing was never right.
Anyway, ya filthy animals, here’s what your resolution – official or otherwise – says about you.
Get a boyfriend/girlfriend
Life can be going great. You’ve got good friends, a great job, an awesome home life, but when you’re single it can feel like you just have to fill the void to be truly happy.
Not true, bitch.
Alternatively, you can be feeling pretty shitty and think that jumping into a relationship is going to magically fix everything. You and I both know that’s not the truth. Stop talking about how single you are and go get a hobby. Learn to kickbox, take up origami, enter an eating competition – you don’t need a partner to feel fulfilled.
And for the love of God do NOT get back with your EX!
Lose weight
If losing weight is your New Year’s resolution, it’s probably not the first time you’ve made the pact with yourself come January 1. I reckon I’ve made this resolution five or so times before realising it was the least effective weight loss strategy.
Look, if you need the push of a new calendar year to make changes in your diet and exercise regime, you’re probs weren’t too motivated to begin with.
You’re a smart, beautiful, bad-ass who will lose weight when they’re ready to, if you even want to! Comfortable on your own skin? Own that shit!
There’s literally nothing sexier than confidence.
Save money
Telling yourself you’re going to save money is a bit vague. I mean, if you manage to put away a dollar coin and not spend it for a calendar year, technically you achieved your goal.
If you’re trying to save, you’ve got to find a savings goal – something you can put a tangible number next to and work towards.
So if you’re making this resolution, you obviously respect yourself enough to have grown-up goals and rely on your hustling abilities to provide a better quality of life. Damn sis, get it!
Spend less time on your phone
Remember how you used to hear that you shouldn’t have any more than 2 hours of screen time per day?
After working or studying in front of a computer all day, getting maybe half an hour of TV time, then looking at memes at night, I’m looking at a conservative 12 hours a day – I wish I was joking.
If you want to spend less time on your phone you’ve at least grasped the concept that technology is LITERALLY taking over our lives, or at least have updated your iPhone to see it now takes tabs on how long you spend looking at your screen.
Either way, I think we can all agree this is a good resolution to make. BRB, just going to go walk outside for a sec.
Volunteer overseas / Learn a new language
On the surface, you look super put together. You always dress really nice, have great stories, make voluntary super contributions, are never late to class, are in a happy relationship but low-key high-key you’re internally screaming at all times.
You’ll go to India, upload the entire experience to Instagram in hopes of finding yourself and will probably get married within the year because you’re so desperate to seem perfect. Or, you’ll actually do some seriously fulfilling stuff on your travels, learn a new language and come back a more level-headed, well-rounded person. *sips tea*
Look, constantly trying to better ourselves as people is really important, don’t get it twisted. But don’t think that the turning over of a calendar year means you have to suddenly have your shit together, or be in the headspace to makes such huge changes to your life – you’re only setting yourself up for failure.
Instead of focussing on the year ahead, take some time to celebrate and reflect on all the good things that happened in the year that was. You did really cool, impressive and important stuff and don’t you forget it.
Happy New Year, binches.
