I Am Totally 100% Obsessed With Paris Hilton’s YouTube Cooking Show

The other day I found myself taking a well-deserved break from work and stumbled across a video Paris Hilton put up over a week ago now, titled ‘Cooking with Paris’.

So yeah, I was late to this and that’s fine. Because it’s better to arrive late than never. And this video brought me so much joy that we simply just need to hash it out in a little more detail.

Firstly, I have to admit something: I don’t even like lasagne. I am a strange person who can’t stomach cheese. So it’s safe to say I’ll happily live my whole life never bothering to learn how to make a lasagne. But despite all this, I sat here for 15 minutes watching Paris teach us all how to make it and I have absolutely no regrets.

And yes, she has dressed her dog as a maid.

Here are some of the absolute highlights of Cooking with Paris: the lasagne edition.

1. Her special cooking gloves

She claims the gloves are helpful when it comes to ‘sliving’.  I have absolutely no idea what she means by this and I don’t know if I ever truly will learn. Urban Dictionary did come through to describe it as “slaying mixed with living my best life.”

The more you know.

2. And her inspirational tea towels

While she shows off her certain cooking necessities, she also spends a lot of time sighing heavily as though it was never, ever her plan to be in a 15-minute YouTube making lasagne. It’s the sigh of every millennial after a day at long day at work,  a long commute home, and the realisation they still have to do the groceries and cook dinner and then get up again and do it all tomorrow.

It’s the sigh of “how did I get here?” But in the case of Paris Hilton, that phrase is maybe just entirely about the fact she doesn’t know where anything is in her enormous kitchen… so maybe her sigh is really just about that.

3. When she says this to describe the spoons

SO true.

4. And when she’s stirring the mince with as much enthusiasm as me downloading Tinder for the 257th time

She looks high-key disgusted the whole time then starts using two different utensils to stir the meat and it’s so baffling but I can’t avert my eyes.

5. But the best part is when she starts seasoning it and misses the dish completely

Me when I get home drunk thinking I am still capable of cooking something.

6. And she also just cannot be fucked cutting up onion or garlic, so just refuses to do it

“I was supposed to chop this onion and garlic but I feel… my lasagne should not have onion or garlic in it,” she explained. So true, queen.

7. Most importantly, however, she doesn’t forget to spray her “Unicorn Mist” around

Forget the food, you gotta protect yourself first.

8. And she offers constant wise advice throughout the whole segment

The contestants on MasterChef and MKR are no doubt shaking in their boots.

I honestly cannot wait for episode number two.