What The Condition Of Your Phone Says About You As A Person
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There are things we humans do on the daily that seem meaningless but can be extremely telling of who we are as individuals.
Basically, if you thought something as simple as the state of your mobile phone doesn’t have a direct link with who you are as a sentient being, honey, you’ve got another thing coming.
Curious as to what the bloody hell we are on about? Horoscopes are officially cancelled and the Myers Briggs test is obsolete, because this precise and totally legit reading is so accurate that you’ll soon be feeling very seen.
Let’s do this thing.
Wrapped Up In A Protective Case Larger Than Your HECS Bill
Damn, son, how’d that phone get so THICC?! Oh, that’s right, it’s inside the world’s largest, dorkiest, most-protective case.
You’re clumsy AF but self-aware enough to recognise it’s a problem.
Nobody fully trusts you with stuff, like driving their car or looking after literally anything of value, but it low-key works to your advantage because you can get out of boring stuff that people with responsibilities have to deal with.
Someone wants you to watch their bag while they go to the bathroom? Um, think again, sweaty! Kindly remind them that you’re a garbage person who will likely fail at this simple task.
Most likely to: Not be trusted to hold babies. Like, ever.
No Case, But In Flawless Condition
You’re the human embodiment of being here for a good time, not a long time, aren’t you?
Either you give absolutely zero Fs, are completely delusional for genuinely believing you’re exempt from a cracked screen, or have your life together enough that you literally never drop your phone. Whichever the case may be, you’re a bit of a wild card and honestly, we stan.
Be that as it may, you still give everyone you come in contact with second-hand anxiety.
Most likely to: Be a sociopath. Kidding! You might be a straight-up witch though.
It’s A Mystery How It Still Kind Of (But Not Really) Functions
You’re a teeny, tiny bit of a disaster.
The screen is smashed, you can only take calls through your headphones, and the battery is held in place with sticky tape that needs to be reapplied every couple of days. And, while we’re being honest and are amongst friends here, you’ve killed every house plant you’ve ever owned, haven’t you?
You’re a trash monster, but you’re our trash monster. You’re by far the most fun and most loyal in your friend group and everyone is literally obsessed with you because you’re a bloody good time.
Never, ever change.
Most likely to: Drop a piece of toast face-down on the floor, but still eat it like the winner you are.
The Phone You Have Is The Same One From High School
People say if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, and it will likely be engraved into your tombstone.
The good news is that the hot pink Motorola Razr you’re still rocking to this day has sort of come full-circle and is considered “retro”. The only thing cooler is that you can honestly say you really don’t care about Instagram removing likes, because you’re still not entirely sure what Instagram is.
You sometimes feel left out, but also stick to your guns – we respect that.
Most likely to: Eventually stop living your Paris Hilton fantasy, cave, and buy a smart phone.
Look, The Screen Is Pretty Cracked, But It Still Works
Your phone may be a bit bashed up, but the front-facing camera still works, glass has finally stopped falling out, and you can still read your texts, so it’s not a total loss.
Most of the time you like to think you have your life together, but in the words of our Lord and saviour, Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days, everybody knows what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, everybody gets that way.
You’re content with things being average, which is pretty much why you’re living with a busted-up phone. You deserve the world – you deserve a new screen.
Don’t let life treat you like free salsa. You’re guac, baby girl.
Most likely to: When their engine light comes on, put a sticker over it.
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