the bachelor breakup

Love Is Dead, So We At Team Punkee Are Sharing Our Most Brutal Breakups

Well, nobody won on The Bachelor and love is dead. This one’s for the sweet, sweet, broken-hearted Sophie, Brooke, Cass, Britt and everyone else who got dumped by that enlarged neck with arms.

Breakups are inevitable, ya know? It’s like, you enter a relationship and either spend the rest of your life with the person, or it ends — simple. But sometimes a breakup can hit you in the chest like a tonne of bricks, leaving you crippled in the fetal position, crying and drinking red wine in the shower. Just me? OK.

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But hey! The world keeps spinning! So, in an act of solidarity, we at team Punkee are about to share some stories of our most brutal breakups. And we’re totally functioning humans!*

*Functioning the best we can.

A Cheating Dog By Any Other Name Is Still A Cheating Dog

“I was with my ex for 3.5 years until the night I walked down the stairs and found him rather close to a really good friend of mine. He denied anything happened but we broke up that night. I then found out they were together before I had even moved out of my place a mere 4-5 days later.

“Neither of them owned up to any wrongdoing (he flat out denied it and I never heard from her again) but their social media presence was enough to join all the dots. Let’s just say I’ve just celebrated a year of being single, while they’ve just celebrated their one year anniversary.” — T

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He’s Just Not That Into You Girls

“My high school boyfriend had been acting super cold and distant, and I didn’t really know why. But like, boys, right? So, I just shrugged it off.

“Things got progressively worse, so I confronted him about it at a party when we were both pretty drunk and he confessed to cheating on me… with my best friend who just so happened to be a guy.” — Anon

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The Only Instance Where Doing It Via Text Would Be A-OK

“I flew to Europe to visit my girlfriend for a month. She broke up with me on the third day. At 4am. When we were both drunk. About 4 hours after telling me that we’d totally move in together. The day before Pride.

“On the upside, I definitely learned that Amsterdam has some fucking great beer.”  – Jules

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Surprise! Ya Dumped!

“My boyfriend of one year (a lifetime in the eyes of a 19-year-old gay boy) went on a hike one arvo, and he was being super distant and weird. I had a big ol’ pair of dumb love goggles on, so I just brushed it off as nothing serious.

“We went back to his car and mid-conversation he just looked at me and said, “I don’t love you and I don’t think I ever will.” LMAO. After a lot of crying, his car battery died and I had to wait there with him until the NRMA rocked up.

“But what possibly made this the most tragic is that it was like a 2-hour drive home, my car radio was broken and the only CD I had was a mix I made when I was 11. I sobbed the entire way home to ‘7 Things’ by Miley Cyrus. The movie of my life will have a much better soundtrack, I promise.” — Anon

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See, you guys, everyone goes through breakups. But do we get over it? Sometimes. JK, you’ll be fine bbies, just channel that sadness into something productive and give it time.

We love you, and if you ever want to swing by the Punkee offices for some movie marathons while we all sob into a glass of shiraz, hit us up. xx