Punkee Investigates: Is Giggy, Star Of ‘RHOBH’ & ‘Vanderpump Rules’, Actually OK?
Gigolo “Giggy” Vanderpump is an icon, plain and simple. In the 340 years he’s graced this planet with his purple velour dog suit, Giggy has sworn in presidents, opened four restaurants in West Hollywood, and signed the legislation that legalised gay marriage in Australia.
A true canine!!!
But a life filled with such momentous achievement can’t last forever. I’m sorry to say, but it seems like Gigolo, the reigning Mayor of Beverly Hills, is on the last of his four legs.
Now, don’t get me wrong, Giggy has always looked close to death. He has alopecia, his eyes are always glassy, and when he could walk, his movements were about as natural as those of a wind-up robot dog on wheels.
But lately, the Vanderpump-Todds have hinted that he’s closer to death than he’s ever been. He’s had little to no screentime in Vanderpump Rules or Real Housewives of Beverley Hills, and Lisa and Ken keep saying vague things like “his health is precarious” and he has a “heart condition” and “needs a pacemaker”.
Btw …unfortunately,yes Giggy has a heart condition..as you will see,precious lil man.#nurture
— Lisa Vanderpump (@LisaVanderpump) February 5, 2019
We – Giggy’s true fans!! – are gagging for the truth!!
What in the world is happening to the sexy little man? We search for answers.
Giggy’s cure is in the hands of James Kennedy’s mum
Jacqueline Georgiou is a sorceress with straight-up incomprehensible levels of power over Lisa Vanderpump. Why does Lisa let Jacqueline call her ‘Vanderpump’? Why does Lisa keep giving the clearly troublesome James Kennedy a second (and third, fourth, etc.) chance? Why has Lisa and Jacqueline’s history of ‘friendship’ never materialised??
The only possible explanation is that Giggy’s condition lies solely in the hands of that gangsta’s ex-wife.
Yes, Jacqueline Georgiou must have some Pomeranian-specific potion of eternal youth in her back pocket that she’s lauding over Lisa’s head. Something no amount of TomTom money can buy.
It’s an absolutely chilling turn of events but come on, it’d explain a lot.
Giggy can’t die because Ken’s not ready to die
Remember how Ken made that weird vow in season one to be buried by Giggy’s side? Well, Ken’s probably just coming to the realisation that Pomeranians only live an average of 12-16 years (Giggy is 9 and a half… allegedly). Those with alopecia, a heart condition and altitude sickness, probably less so. Eek!
At the young and spritely age of 93, Ken still has some living to do! He’s not ready to say goodbye to his hot wife and silk shirts to follow Giggy into dog heaven. There are too many goat cheese balls to eat! Too many Tom Schwartz’ to look at disapprovingly! Wigs!
Therefore, Ken’s doing his best to keep the Gigster (and himself) alive as long as possible. Then, when they’re both ready, Giggy can peacefully die the way he lived: propped up in Ken’s hot, pasty hand… Forever.
Tired: Giggy Vanderpump is secretly dead
Wired: Ken Vanderpump is secretly dead— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) September 28, 2018
Giggy is a robot
Think about it: robots also can’t grow hair.
Giggy is dead and Kyle Richards has been framed for his death
As we all know, something explosive is coming up this season of RHOBH. Word on the street is that Lisa is going to get her long overdue comeuppance from the rest of the cast, which, OK, we’re watching.
But as IF LVP would go down without serving something similarly explosive right back at them?
After Lisa and Kyle had their huge fight (as teased in episode one of season nine), Giggy likely suffered a massive heart attack – signalling a symbolic end to both Lisa and Kyle’s friendship and the Beverley Hills franchise as a whole.
Giggy is stuffed
Hear me out. That “health scare” Giggy suffered in Aspen last year was rich person code for “died and stuffed to a lifelike degree”. Pacemaker? More like entire replacement of vital organs with mechanic ones! Am I right? It’s why he was in that creepy little incubator for so long!
And who cares, tbh. We stan a taxidermied pom!!
Giggy embodies the spirit of Karl Lagerfeld
Two fashion icons can’t die in one year, hun, facts are facts! When Karl Lagerfeld passed away at the beginning of the year (RIP), he passed on his earthly talents to the Gigster.
Now, Giggy has the stressful responsibility of being the world’s preeminent fashion stylist and commentator. It’s a lot for a lap dog with alopecia to handle! Hence why his schedule just hasn’t been lining up with the famously fickle Bravo filming times.
He now exclusively wears tiny black turtlenecks. Yasss, Giggy, dog boss!!
OK, in all seriousness, I love that hairless dog. Long live the Gigster.
