We Ranked Every Couple On Ep 2 Of ‘First Dates’ Based On Their Awks Chemistry
Tonight’s particularly bonkers episode of First Dates was a real treat. It included a woman who legit thought she was a Disney princess, without any sense of irony.
Shit got weird in the rotating restaurant of broken hearts and hymens. First Dates’ efforts to couple compatible people failed as usual, creating only two successful matches which was actually a bloody miracle.
We met James, the new series regular that I bet people will love to hate. I’m currently sitting firmly in the hate column. In tonight’s ep the real estate agent was offensive as hell, and came across as an arrogant tool. Let’s get on with it then shall we.
We ranked all the First Dates couples from ep 2 from least awkward to most painful:
Ashleigh and Kyle
Awks level: Not terrible but not good.
They do make a very hot pairing and they were also pretty stoked with each other’s appearances too. They both seemed smitten from from their first meeting. Just when wedding bells started ringing in our heads, Kyle had to become a big sleaze and say gross/ inappropriate stuff to Ashleigh mid-date.
Don’t get ahead of yourself dude. However, Ashleigh still seemed keen and they make a decent couple – by First Dates standards – anyways.
Suzanne and Ray
Awks level: I need a stiff drink.
Not much to say about these guys. Ray was keen. Suzanne was not. Their date went pretty okay. No sparks but watching it didn’t make me want to set myself on fire. So that’s a pretty good date in my book. They left as friends, meaning they never spoke again.
Suzanne did say she wouldn’t date a man with nicer hair then her, so I don’t know what went wrong for poor hairless Ray. He made her hair look fabulous, tbh he’s hubby material.
Dannielle and Victor
Awks level: My soul feels unclean.
Let’s be real, Victor is an intense and creepy dude. He also seems to have a rather niche fetish of loving Pink… well Pink’s hair to be specific. And Dannielle has Pink’s hair – apparently. What a perfect match.
Their date comprised mostly of Victor staring deeply into Dannielle’s eyes to the point of trying to make her melt into a puddle of water, like Alex Mack. Or he just said non-stop sexually suggestive stuff that made me want to hurl. It’s a no from me.
Abbie and James
Awks level: SEND HELP.
These two were probably matched purely for being 20-somethings that both work in real estate. Fancy that? That’s surely one in a million.
Do you know what’s not one on a million? Gross guys like James, that don’t know how to speak to women. Instead they reckon insulting their dates is the way to their hearts, in an effort to lower their self-esteem to appear more desirable.
How Abbie put up with James’ pick-up techniques….that he likely learnt from Reddit, I’ll never know. She really should have just swilled him with her wine and destroyed his wanky tie. Abbie, you are an actual angel.
Megan and Dayle
Awks level: Everything hurts and I’m dying inside.
Where the hell did they find Megan?! She’s actually from another planet. Poor Dayle had to put up with her lecturing him on Christianity while simultaneously impersonating Snow White, like she’d been possessed by Bambi mixed with the Bride of Chucky. Scary stuff.
In the end Megan dumped Dayle because… he wasn’t religious. You dodged a bullet there buddy.
Maybe Dayle and Abbie should talk, as they both recover from First Dates PTSD.
