Just Hear Me Out: There’s Nothing Sexy About Taking A Bath Together

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There’s been something I’ve had to get off my chest for quite a while. It’s been building up for years in fact, and it only seems to be getting worse.

For the love of God, why do reality dating shows keep forcing people to have BATHS together and WHY are these people convinced that this is a romantic thing to do?!

There is NOTHING sexy about taking a bath together: it’s just something romantic movies and TV shows keep trying to convince us is a thing when, in fact, the harsh reality is it’s uncomfortable, squishy, and honestly just gross.

While we’re used to seeing similar dates on shows like The Bachelor and Married At First Sight, nothing brings on a shudder quite like the dreaded bath date – whether it is in chocolate, mud, or tepid water.

God, even the tandem kayaking dates may be better than this, and I don’t say that lightly.

Bachy, MAFS – it’s time to retire the bathtub. For the love of everything holy and for the sake of my eyeballs. Enough with the baths. You’re ruining them for me!

There’s nothing sexy about taking a bath together and we’re here to tell you exactly why.

bath date the bachelor

1. First things first, you’re rarely going to come across a proper bathtub designed to fit two grown-ass humans in it.

They always struggle to get their way in, and no that’s not a euphemism this time around.

2. If you do, then let’s just call it what it is: a spa bath (more acceptable).

MAFS 2020 Cathy and Josh editing fail in spa on honeymoon

Spa bath dates? Fine. Lots of room! Lots of frolicking to be had, some flirty splashes, and you can cuddle up to each other and BOTH stretch your legs out if you want.

3. There is nothing sexy about sitting in a pool of water in your own filth with another human being, no matter how many flower petals you sprinkle in the bath.

Married At First Sight's Cathy Evans appears to have sex with husband Josh Pihlak | Daily Mail Online

You can’t tell me Josh is sitting comfortably here. Also, does anyone like taking a bath with random floaties? (That being the rose petals, I can’t handle the thought of what other random floaties could be.)

4. And here’s the thing about baths. They seem fine until it either gets too hot or too cold, it’s nearly impossible to find a perfect temperature.

Bachelor In Paradise's Brittany Hockley on what REALLY happened during her bathtub date with Timm | Daily Mail Online

You mean to tell me they always get it perfect and not sweating out of their eyeballs? Sounds fake!

5. The only good thing about ever having a bath is being able to stretch out and relax, and being with another person is scientifically proven to not be relaxing.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap: Here's What Went Down In Week Two

I have a bath to relax, not have someone else’s foot accidentally hit me in a place it had no right to be.

6. The Bachelor franchise seems to have been using the same bath for years and while I’m glad they got their money’s worth, I truly hope the bath in question has been given a deep clean.

I don’t doubt a lot of nasty shit has happened in that bath, and I’m not even just talking about the chocolate disaster.

7. Finally, statistics from these shows display that all couples who were forced into the bath together probably won’t make their relationship work.

Richie and Alex? Nope. Josh and Cathy? Yikes. Timm and Angie? Hell no. Timm and Britt? Oh my god, stop putting this man in a bath.

charley locky bath date

Minus Greg and Alisha, the only exception to the rule.

alisha glenn bachelor in paradise

It still doesn’t mean I WANTED to see them have a bath together though. Sorry.