14 Terrible Activities That Reality Shows Tried To Convince Us Were Romantic
Some reality shows are great at making us believe true love does exist, while others are great at helping us discover there are some really shit people in the world. And most dating shows make us realise that dates can be awkward AF.
There are certain activities on reality dating shows that are used most seasons to convince us, the viewer, that these dates are romantic or done to bond the couple in a different way (no, not exactly in the 50 Shades kind of way).
There are the obvious ones: romantic beach or swimming dates so we get to see two people frolick in the water whose bodies look like they’ve been carved from a Greek god herself, or star-gazing dates, sunset-watching romance, and campfire snuggling.
But there are also the dates that are forced on us like they’re pure romance, and when you start to think about it more you realise… fuck no. That ain’t it, chief.
I could talk for two hours straight about why two people being forced to take a bath together is not romantic. In fact, I save that spiel for most first dates. And no, I don’t get asked on any second ones!
If we were to believe that all the activities and dates that were aired on reality shows were romantic, then our real dating lives would take on a very confusing turn. Can you actually imagine if you met up with a Tinder match and the first thing they did was serenade you with a song they had written for you that has about two words in it?
We’ve compiled the terrible date activities that reality TV shows have tried to convince us are romantic.
You can’t fool us.
1. Taking a bath with someone.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. There’s nothing grosser than sitting in your own filth – except for maybe sitting in another person’s filth while you get to know each other.
Reality TV shows really doing the most in convincing us that taking a bath together is romantic, rather than the reality being that you're just sitting in your own filth and getting uncomfortably sweaty pic.twitter.com/l1bTNZT23q
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) June 15, 2020
At the best of times, baths are hard to get right. Too hot? Too cold? Add some hot water and now it’s too hot again? Fuck!
Throw in a lanky man and you’ve got yourself the date from hell. Stop trying to make romantic baths happen, reality TV!
2. Going skydiving as a first date.
The thing is, for this activity you’re not even getting up close and personal with the person you’re on the date with – you’re strapped to a stranger. While that now kinda sounds like my post-Covid dream, there’s nothing sexy about jumping out of a plane, feeling your stomach fall out, and knowing your date is also launching towards a possible death while strapped to someone else.
Sure, afterwards you can cuddle up and get high off the fact you both survived and maybe that will bring you closer together. But adrenaline dies off people! Your connection is based on a lie!
3. And kayaking.
Don’t even get me STARTED on how this is a bad date. Apart from having PTSD from doing this as a date once, kayaking is another thing that’s not romantic. You’re either stuck doing tandem which means an argument is bound to happen because you are apparently “steering the wrong way”, even though you’re not even going to a “destination” you’re just trying to “have some fun” but your partner keeps yell-
Or you’re riding solo, and have to try and do awkward cutesy things like kiss while not falling in. Grow up! Paddle away from this shit date ASAP!
4. Sharing chocolate-covered treats.
Sharing is not cute at the best of times. Why the fuck would I want to feed my date a strawberry dipped in Nutella? Use your own hands, you giant man-baby! I’m busy feeding myself.
Also one person is going to totally accidentally drool or have something fall out of their mouth at some stage and that doesn’t usually make people feel horny. It always SEEMS like a good idea until you try to actually do it.
5. Combining chocolate AND a bath.
Never do this again.
6. Doing a photoshoot together.
You can actually feel the awkwardness of the below photo.
The photoshoot date is sold to us to test people’s chemistry and overall connection but there’s an astounding lack of wine involved to really push things to the next level.
7. Boat dates.
Another thing that sounds romantic in theory, but the practicality of it is this: you’re wet (get your mind out of the gutter), your hair is probably ruined from the wind, and if you’re me, you’re incredibly seasick.
Do you know what’s romantic? Dry land and being alone with your thoughts.
8. Fantasising about what you’d both look like in sixty years time.
These days relationships are lucky if they last six months instead of sixty years but the notion is cute. Then again, still not romantic. Seeing your date as an old person may actually turn you off them for life.
It’s not exactly something that’d get you in the mood to get all hot ‘n’ heavy with them. If anything, it might be easy to take it all too literally then get irrationally worried about throwing your back out the next time you’re due to make out on the couch.
9. Being blindfolded and guided by a therapist.
I mean, surely the description says it all. This date is meant to fool us into thinking the two participants have wild sexual chemistry, because it’s KINKY. Blindfolds, so hot right now.
But then you remember there’s a third person in the room, just watching you and guiding you, and that’s really kinda weird if you didn’t ask for it on Tinder.
10. Being forced to do a physical group sports date or even a one-on-one sports date.
Sports? On a date? Like that’s romantic? I think not you trick ass bitch!
It’s only romantic if I win.
I go to yoga to be zen, not to think about romance. Romance and love is very un-zen if you ask me.
Let’s not pretend yoga is a romantic date, no matter how much your date may want to downward your dog.
I regretted that as soon as I typed it.
12. Painting each other.
First things first, if someone painted “smile” across my body it’d remind me of the time a male boss said I need to smile more and guess what? That’s not a romantic memory!
Also just because you’re writing the words “sexy” on each other doesn’t mean this activity is romantic. If you found each other this hot, you wouldn’t get that far with the painting, just sayin’.
13. Spray tanning each other?
No romance to be seen. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.
14. Any serenading on first meetings or dates.
Imagine finally meeting up with a thot IRL and then have them play a 30-second song they wrote for you. Romantic? No. Awkward? Absolutely.
If they’re a musician, they could maybe get away with it six months into the relationship but anything before then is stressful.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk. No doubt we’ll revisit this when both Farmer Wants A Wife and Bachelor In Paradise force us to sit through two people making out in a bathtub again.