People Share The Dodgiest Things They Used To Do In Their Teen Jobs

Turning 14 and 9 months and being able to apply for a casual/part-time job in Australia is basically a rite of passage.

But while working in fast food or retail may definitely serve up many life lessons, there were also times where you just ran out of fucks to give while on the job.

Maybe it was being underpaid, maybe it was a rude customer, but chances are while we were slaving away to make some coin to pick up some sweet 2 for $40 deals at Sanity, there were times we weren’t doing the job to the best of our ability.

We asked people about the dodgiest thing they did while working retail as a teen and here are the best responses:

The pizza pocketer

“I worked at Domino’s and occasionally when I was starving I’d just fuck up a pizza so I’d have to remake it, because I could then smash the dud one. Also two people once fucked on the cutting table at a nearby store.” – Anon

The proof General Pants wasn’t alway so cool

“I worked at General Pants and was so hungover I slept on a mountain of clothes in a cardboard box house in the storage room and vomited in a bin in my lunch break. I was 2IC at the time.”– Cathy

The accidental witness

“I used to work at a 24-hour Kmart and do the overnight (graveyard) shift. We’d always get really weird customers during this time. One time a rough looking middle-aged man came in at 4am, picked up a bottle of chlorine and asked me if I knew where the shovels were kept. Trying to be a good employee I showed him exactly where the best shovels were.

I didn’t realise till later he was probably definitely trying to get rid of a body…” – James

The secret revenge

“I used to work at a Macca’s super close to the school I dropped out of to go to uni and heaps of the asshole guys from school would come through so I’d crush their fries and burgers in their takeaway bags and overfill their frozen cokes so they’d explode over them because I was a salty 16/17-year-old.” – Pat

The great escape

“I got fired for letting the puppies out of the cages in the pet shop and they ate the corners off all the expensive food.” – Rae

The bananas deal

“When I was 14 I worked the checkout at IGA. We had a special on bananas — 99 cents a kilo — but I didn’t know how to use the weigher so I was selling unlimited bananas for 99 cents. They say word spreads fast in small country towns but fuck, people were buying baskets of bananas and I was just selling that shit for 99 cents. By the end of the day, my boss came out and the IGA was banana-less and then he checked the registers and yelled at me, then fired me.

The worst part is it was a couple of hours before my mum was picking me up so I had to walk home in my fucking IGA uniform.” – Brad

The life lesson

“For six years in my late teens/early 20s I worked at a café in a very wealthy suburb that yielded a disproportionate number of entitled cunts. Once this extra, extra hot soy latte-drinking ‘regular’ bitch came in and snapped so rudely at the 16-year-old kid three hours into her first-ever shift that something inside me snapped and I spat into her coffee. Like hawked up a big ol’ loogie and served it right up.” – Anon

The free choc tops

“I worked at a cinema and we had to write off if a product was out of date, or something broke etc. A lot of the time our write-offs were just ice creams we got out of the freezer and ‘accidentally’ dropped on the floor so we could eat them later without having to pay for them. We’d also ‘accidentally’ break M&M packets on the sharper edge of the stand and be like ‘oh no, better write it off!’ before secretly eating them out the back.” – Tahlia