An Ode To The ’00s Rural Aussie House Party

Picture this: it’s 2007, the iPhone had just come out but you were still using a phone that either slides or flips, your favourite movie was Knocked Up because it seemed hilariously scandalous, and everyone had a newfound crush on Pete Wentz even though you had been crushing on him since at least 2005… but whatever.

Beyoncé’s ‘Irreplaceable’ was top of the charts, alongside Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’, and you had just bought a brand new vest from Supré. You became an entry-level coder putting your MySpace page together, and the words Instagram or TikTok were absolutely not in your vocabulary.

Maybe you worked casually at Wendy’s or Red Rooster. If you weren’t working, you’d spend your Thursday nights “downtown”, a hot pink Supré bag slung over your shoulder and school skirt rolled over a couple of times to look shorter, as you sat at Macca’s and tried to perv on people from other high schools.

You’d sign into MSN when you got home, chatting with your friends you had just been hanging out with, talking about how you could get your grubby little hands on more alcohol to sneak into Ted’s party this weekend. Ted was renowned for his kickass parties and his parents were, like, cool, and didn’t give a fuck as long as you didn’t trek mud inside.

When Saturday rolled around, you’d be filled with the eager anticipation of what it’s like to have two Vodka Cruisers and feel slightly buzzed. First, you’d have to get through your usual netball game, and then you’d spend hours painstakingly getting ready for Ted’s, rimming your eyes with a thick, black, Rimmel pencil, and carefully straightening your hair before teasing it up at the top, and spraying it with hairspray.

Your teen acne would be covered by Maybelline’s Dream Matte Mousse foundation probably a shade darker than your actual skin, and you had just picked up a new pair of coloured skinny-leg jeans from Jay Jays. You’d listen to party bops on your iPod shuffle to get you in the mood.

God, you looked hot.

Then it was time to carpool to the house party for the night of your life, anticipation rife in the air. Who would hook up? Who would argue? Who would be the first to chunder from a goon x Passion Pop x beer King’s Cup mix?

Just to really set the scene, here are all the gloriously nostalgic things that always happened at an Aussie ’00s house party.

Me at my peak in life.

1. Someone’s semi-questionable older brother agreed to buy you some Passion Pop for a slightly bigger fee, and then you’d rock up to the house party at a fashionably late 7pm or something.
2. You’d usually have a strict midnight curfew but you’d try and get permission to sleep at one of your friends’ houses instead — the friend with the most lax parents, anyways.
3. The party would nearly always be at someone’s house who lived on a farm, or had a random paddock, or at least a lot of outdoor room for all the antics.
4. The boys and girls would remain on opposite sides of the bonfire for the first hour before the liquid courage of a Voddy Cruiser or Woodstock Bourbon would sink in.
5. Two people you had never seen mingle before would start making out on the trampoline at some stage.
6. The high school It couple would fight, someone would cry, they’d breakup, and then probably be back together before the night ended.
7. “Can we go for a walk?” would be code to pull one of your girlfriends aside for two reasons: you needed someone to keep watch while you squatted behind a tree, or you had to decode something your crush said to you.
8. If you were lucky, at some point you and your crush would have a drunken makeout session in a field, both smelling like bonfire smoke.
9. Someone would 100% spew behind a tree.
10. Someone would 100% pass out in a field somewhere.
11. You’d take a bunch of pics on your digital camera that you kept wrapped tightly around your wrist.
12. You’d think you did a fantastic job of being sober on the car ride home, only to grow up and realise 15 years later it would’ve been absolutely obvious you had more to drink than just 1-2 Cruisers.

And to top off this trip down memory lane, there’s a real chance that one couple that met or hooked up at a party like this is probably still together, with 2-3 kids to this day… and you’re just here reading this list like “surely it wasn’t that long ago?”

Sorry to sound like a boomer, but gosh, those were the days! And I cannot stress how glad I am that they happened before TikTok. Some things were just never meant to be seen.