schoolies australia 2019

28 Things That Happen At Every Aussie Schoolies

It’s the most frightening time of the year. Kebab shops are flooded by teens. The beaches are no longer safe. Surfers Paradise becomes a wasteland of horniness. Schoolies is happening.

This week schoolies kicks off, signifying a truly cursed but uniquely Australian rite of passage for school leavers.

The class of ’19 are currently swarming the shores of Surfers Paradise, Byron Bay, Lorne and even Bali and it’s got all of us here at Punkee reflecting on how we celebrated graduating high school back in the day.

It seems like no matter where we did schoolies, we all shared similiar experiences, so I have compiled a list of what happens on every schoolies week which will have y’all saying ‘SAME!’.

Here are 28 things that happen during every schoolies week:

#1. The trip begins by stocking up on all essentials like Midori, Tequila and UDLs

Mixed with some fancy wines you stole from your parents’ liquor cabinet.

Via Tumblr

#2. Someone gets crazy sunburnt on day one

And they whinge about it the whole damn week.

#3. You have a hectic drunken fight with your bestie

It’s usually over something super serious, like her flirting with your crush or stealing you hair straightener.

#4. The gang has to take an obligatory balcony photo before every night out

If you don’t take a photo on the hotel balcony, did the night even happen?

#5. Someone flashes their boobs

There’s nothing more freeing than flashing a group of strangers, often at a passing vehicle swiftly before running away with your mates and laughing your faces off.

#6. Someone passes out before you even leave the hotel

There’s always a lightweight who has one Bacardi Breezer at pres and is a write-off for the night.

#7. Someone vomits in the maxi taxi or rented van

Or worse, they actually pee themselves.

#8. Someone vomits at the beach

Did you even do schoolies if you didn’t end up vomiting at the beach after too many Jägerbombs?

#9. Everyone lives off juice mixed with cheap alcohol

As beer for breakfast starts to become less appetising, this becomes the healthiest alternative.

Via Tumblr

#10. When they’re not chowing down on a dirty kebab

The schoolies diet is basically kebabs and Macca’s 24/7.

#11. Some idiot always buries themselves in the sand

Then they are stuck there while all their mates either give them boobs or turn them into a giant penis.

Via Australian Schoolies 2018 Funnys/Fails

#12. A couple tries an open relationship just for the week

If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have an open relationship just for schoolies, they are really just wanting permission to cheat.

#13. You hook up with someone you never would sober

Beer googles on schoolies is on a whole other level.

#14. Everyone posts a bikini selfie captioned, “It’s a vibe”.

It really WAS a vibe.

#15. The gang spends everyday hungover in the pool

If you’re going to be hungover everyday, you may as well be floating in a pool sipping on gin and juice.

#16. Your mates steal a trolley from Coles or Woolies

The only acceptable mode of transport on schoolies to get to the beach is a shopping trolley.

#17. Someone gets a bad tattoo

It’s just a classic gag that will scar your body for the rest of your life.

#18. Someone tries to cook and almost destroys your hotel room

Schoolies is not the time to find out if you should be the next MasterChef. It usually ends with some idiot nearly setting the place on fire.

#19. Someone streaks around the pool or runs into the ocean naked

There’s always one person in every group with a weird obsession with volunteering to streak without any form of provocation.

#20. Your whole group ends up at a random person’s house

I once ended up in a stranger’s caravan in Coffs Harbour. Class of 2019, please make better choices than me.

#21. A mate gets turned down at the club because their fake ID is so bad

Or they get so drunk that they show the bouncer their L-Plates licence proving they’re underage. Another story that DEFINITELY didn’t happen to me.

#22. One person in the gang gets targeted for constant pranks

There’s always one friend that has all their stuff wrapped in cling wrap or tin foil or their suitcase filled with garbage.

Via Australian Schoolies 2018 Funny/Fails

#23. Some random D-list celeb will host an event

Why is it always Scotty T?

#24. By the end of the trip all the alcohol is stacked on the table

The empty bottles become a schoolies altar.

Via Schoolies Fails Facebook Page

#25. Or left in a pile and used as a bed

I heard used cans or a half-filled goon bag make an excellent pillow.

Australian Schoolies 2019 Funnys/Fails

#26. You lose all your mates on at least one night out

They are usually just standing out the front of the venue looking for you, but for those few minutes you feel completely alone in the world.

#27. It’s not schoolies unless you spot a toolie lurking about

We see you.

#28. By the end of the week your hotel room is trashed and you all lose your bond

Mistakes were made, now it’s time to finally live up to your responsibilities and…ask your parents to pay for the carpet to be steam cleaned.

Via Schoolies Fails Facebook Page

Stay safe, fam.


Header via Schoolies Fails and Australian Schoolies 2018 Funnys/Fails.