Why The Last 10 Minutes Of ‘Shrek 2’ Is The Greatest Sequence In Cinematic History

2004 was a blessed year. Zucc birthed Facebook, Britney was still topping the charts, and the greatest moment in the history of cinema – the last 10 minutes of Shrek 2 – hit the big screen.

If you’ve not seen it allow me to get you up to speed, you uncultured swine.

Basically, Shrek and Fi Fi head to Far Far Away, to visit Fiona’s ‘rents. They hate Shrek ‘cause he’s ugly as shit, so he breaks into the fairytale version of a chemist to drink some potion that transforms him into a total daddy. Ooft. Seriously. He could get it.

Then, the evil Fairy Godmother chains him up in some well in the outskirts of town so she can hook bitch-ass Prince Charming up with our girl Fiona. Shrek’s not having a bar of it, so he – with the help of the usual gang, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Gingy, Pinocchio, the wolf, the pigs etc. – break out and head on over to the castle to fuck shit up.

Oh, also Fairy Godmother got The King to spike Fiona’s tea so the next person she kisses is the one she will love 4eva. Keeping up? Good.

What happens next is what makes this 10 minutes absolute cinematic GENIUS.

Um, Hello? A Bonnie Tyler Cover

Whoever put together the soundtrack for this film knows what they’re doing and gives the gays exactly what they want. I mean, a Bonnie Tyler cover? Yes, bitch. Work.

Not only does Fairy Godmother slay the song, but it just fits perfectly with the action sequence that’s unfolding. Fairy Godmother is the hero that we’ve been holding out for, IMHO.

The Rise And Fall Of Mongo (RIP)

Otherwise known as the saddest death in the history of animation. Shrek asked The Muffin Man to create this big boi to assist in his quest to rescue his number one gal, Fiona. After a Frankenstein-esque scene, HE’S ALIVE!

Big boi Mongo gets the gang through the front door of the castle by straight-up prying it open with his big-as-shit cookie hands. But at what cost? Well, his life.

After being fatally doused in warm milk, Mongo’s big-as-shit-cookie arms become dismembered, and he falls to his death. As he slowly begins to sink to the depths of the castle’s moat, baby Gingy – clearly traumatised by the fact his only known relative is dying – jumps to his brother’s need. “HE NEEDS ME!” Gingy shouts. Pinocchio scoops up Gingy, and as they make their way into the castle, Mongo’s dying last words are, “Be. Good.”

Why am I crying in the club right now?

Fairy Godmother Really Is THAT Bitch

Want a fine example of an independent woman who gets shit done? Fairy Godmother, that’s who!

I’ve already touched on her slaying the performance of Holding Out For A Hero, but it’s not just that. Fairy Godmother wasn’t scared of no ogres, she embraced her curves, and snatched wigs on the daily.

Name a more iconic villain. I’ll wait.

Prince Charming Is A Lil Bitch And Gets What He Deserves

UGH.

So basically he’s pretending to be Shrek, but as himself with his regular bitch-ass British accent. So here’s my first gripe. Far Far Away isn’t that big, and Prince Charming has lived there for at least 20 years. Now he’s walking around calling himself Prince Shrek? Try again, sweaty, you ain’t no ogre.

But, alas he gets his comeuppance with a firm headbutt to the nose, courtesy of Fiona.

I’m Not Crying, You Are

If this 10 minutes is anything, it’s bloody tear-jerking. I was already a mess from the death of Mongo, but turns out DreamWorks really didn’t come to play, delivering what is the sweetest and most romantic scene imaginable.

Shrek tells Fiona that the potion is still in effect and if they make out before midnight he will stay a daddy forever, and they can live the rest of their lives as a really hot power couple and reside in a castle and stuff.

Fiona replies, “I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after…”. Shrek smiles and leans in to kiss her to seal the spell, but Fiona stops him. “With the ogre I married.”

Bruh, if you’re not crying, you are dead inside. I mean, big mistake on Fiona’s end – daddy Shrek was hot as fuck, but still.

Watch the movie (or at least the last 10 minutes) and tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you don’t feel anything.

IT’S BEAUTIFUL. If you think otherwise, you can fight me.