Sophie’s Rents Caught Out The Bachy Dudes Douchey Behaviour & It Was Cringe
Tonight’s ep of The Bachelorette had Sophie’s folks private eye the bachy dudes under the disguise of drivers on the group date. It was stroke of genius for producers and was an awesome stitch-up.
Under the alias’ Gale and Tommy – which are rubbish pseudonyms, if you ask me – Sophie’s mum and dad drove the boys to their date destination and were privy to the typical guy chat we usually wouldn’t hear. Oh boy was it awks as hell.
It was a cracker idea and Sophie thanked the heavens for setting this up.
‘Amen, hallelujah my bachy god and savior.’
Into one car piled Ryan, Sam, Brett and Eden. It started off okay.
‘What a lovely bunch of distinguished gentlemen.’
But it wasn’t long before Sam started talking. This would lead to nothing but very bad things.
Out of nowhere, Sam started fanging on about banging Sophie, and then made some disgusting comment about exploding all over her.
‘Lust means…that I just want to FUCK YOUR DAUGHTER.’
‘You whaaaaaaat…?’
‘Yeah, but first I’m gonna pash your daughter, a big sloppy filthy tongue pash!’
‘Are you fucking kidding me, m8…?!’
‘Kiss her like this! And I’m not stopping there. You. Me. Your daughter. Going to bang town.’
‘Da fuq $% mothfucker#* piss shit fuck you *& jerk gronk #$ creep idiot!!’
The second car was thankfully more civilised. With Jarrod, Peter, Mac and Jefferson in the car with Soph’s mum, it was mostly just Jarrod being a big creepy keeno.
‘My future son-in-law could be in this car. Buckle up! Look after that potential daddy sperm!’
The convo quickly turned into Jarrod describing Sophie’s eyes in disturbing detail.
‘Sophie’s eyes are blue like the ocean. When I close my eyes at night I take a nude dip inside her pools of blue and bathe myself.’
‘Omfg this dude is a stalker, right?!’
Despite all the #drama that went down, and all the filth that came out of Sam’s mouth, this somehow didn’t lead to the double delight rose-haver losing his spot in the bachy line-up.
Instead 3 more men – that we have honestly NEVER SEEN BEFORE – left roseless.
Off you pop, Pete, Eden and Jefferson.
Buh-bye.
