spider-man

Every Spider-Man Ranked By How Much They Make My Spidey Senses Tingle

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Now that Spider-Man: Far From Home is in cinemas, we’re all very much here for Tom Holland.

This gorgeous spider boy has won our hearts over and over. His Peter Parker is an awkward nerd AND a drop-dead hottie, and we stan.

But two other actors have played Spider-Man, and it’s time that we talked about them: Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire — bless your pretty faces and even prettier butts.

We decided to find out once and for all who made the best Spider-Man. In our assessment, storylines and superpowers don’t mean much tbh. All we care about is: which actor playing Spider-Man made my Spider Sense tingle the most, amirite?

Before y’all come for us, crucially, while Spider-Man is a high school student, all three of the actors are much older so all bets are off.

This is a ranking of Tom, Andrew and Tobey as Spider-Man from least to most hot, and therefore worst to best Spider-Man.

#3. Andrew Garfield

Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man is like seeing a super hot guy who thinks that wearing fake glasses and pretending to be into video games will make him look like a nerd. You know it’s fake, but you’re into it anyway.

But if seeing muscles and the men they’re attached to save the world isn’t your reason for watching a superhero movie, then what’s the point of cinema? Andrew Garfield is hot, and his Spider-Man is hot too.

But his movies simply aren’t thirst traps. There’s no gratuitous shirtless scene when he first gets his powers, which is a stereotype of the superhero genre for a reason.

This is all we get and I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed:

spider-man

What a tragedy that the Spider-Man with the most potential to make us feel things was shafted over by two movies that didn’t give his muscles a chance to shine.

Still though, gladly:

#2. Tobey Maguire

Let me just tell you — as a kid I had a big crush on Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man. But kids are idiots.

Would you rather watch Tom Holland do literally anything or see this face?

spider-man

I thought so.

But Tobey took his top off more than any other Spider-Man, and for that, we’re grateful.

Whether you loved or hated his movies (again, that doesn’t even matter at this point), no one can deny that Tobey was hot as Spider-Man most of the time. So let’s examine some of his more tingly moments.

Good morning to this shirtless scene and this shirtless scene only:

spider-man

And he still has the hottest make out scene of any Spider-Man:

Of all the actors who played Spider-Man, Tobey sure was the one who took his clothes off the most.

#1. Tom Holland

Sweet, hot Tom Holland is just too gorgeous to deal with. You just know he’d swing into a burning building to save a puppy and then post a photo of the pupper cradled in his thicc arms.

But he’s so much more than just a big pair of biceps with perfect Boyfriend Hair. Tom Holland as Spider-Man is sweet and adorably awkward.

His Spider-Man is funny and smart and did I mention his hair?


My skin is clear, my depression is cured, my student debt is gone thanks to Tom Holland as Spider-Man.

Boy doesn’t even need shirtless scenes to make our spidey senses tingle, but he gives them to us anyway:

Zendaya out here handing out some powerful truths:

Tom Holland is the best Spider-Man there ever was and ever will be and my spidey senses are still going off after seeing Far From Home on the weekend.

—

I won’t be taking questions.