Survivor AU’s Biggest Mistakes: How The Season Failed In Honouring The Franchise’s Legacy

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I’m not the first to say that last night’s big Survivor Australia finale was a major letdown, especially when compared to the entire Survivor franchise.

For some unfathomable reason, the final three ended up being Kristie, Lee and El – three people that didn’t play the game particularly well or took any big chances and made any big moves whatsoever.

While players that deserved to be there, were ousted painfully early – like Nick, Phoebe and Kate – and one player managed to fluke her way to top, as sole survivor: Kristie.

I love Survivor. One could say I have an addiction. I started watching when I was about fourteen and now I  listen to all the podcasts, read all the recaps and have a nifty talent of being able to list the winners from… Every. Single. Season.

So when it was announced Australia was finally going to have another crack at the beloved format, I was thrilled. This would be our opportunity to make a season so amazing, other countries would bow down to us in awe.

Did that happen? Not even close.

Australian Survivor had all the ingredients for a stellar season. It had an awesome cast, perfect location and a fitting host to boot (sup, Jonathan 😉 ). However, despite this aforementioned awesomeness, the local series wasn’t able to meet the mark, due to some critical key failings.

If you want to keep basking in your post-finale orb of positivity, then maybe click away now. However, if you’re a cynical fucker like me (my favourite kind of person) steam ahead.

Here’s the series’ biggest mistakes:

It was too bloody long

Firstly on the agenda is the length of this freaking season. I mean it went for 55 days. FIFTY. FIVE. Even American Survivor knows not to do that. In fact, the only time the show went over the stock-standard 39-day run was back in 2001, and even then they knew extending it by more than a few days would be pushing it.

I remember when I read the day-count the first time, I thought it must have been a mistake. It just kept going and going and going.

Flick even started hallucinating, it had dragged on so long! I love Survivor, don’t get me wrong, but there is something known as having too much of a good thing, which leads me to the next point.

It was on too much

There was a time during this season where I was almost watching Survivor every bloody night. I’m not even exaggerating. It was information overload. And the crazy part is: they sometimes gave us literally no warning.

Sure, the Sunday and Monday night memo was widely distributed, appearing under a variety of buses with Jonathan Lapaglia’s gorgeous face on them (side note: hey, Jonathan 😉 ). But episodes were aired with not even the slightest hint of warning.

This sets off a dangerous chain of catching up on the last episode, while simultaneously missing out on the latest episode. All while your hard-drive gets increasingly full of ill-timed recordings, that somehow manage to catch the whole last section of The Project but cuts the moment Jonathan declares he’ll read the votes.

In the words of a famous American philosopher, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’. Once a week is just enough for me, thank you very much.

There were too many twists

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good twist. Some of the most essential elements of modern Survivor started out as a once-off shake-up. The tribe swap? Twist. Hidden immunity idol? Twist. Basically anything that isn’t the vanilla two-tribe format came from a twist, which is freaking awesome. However, as I have said before, having too much of a good thing is never good.

I will admit the time they brought two tribes into tribal council then were like ‘SIKE you’re actually going to the other tribe lol’ – actually had me screaming in delight. But then when they did not one, but two swaps? And then there was a tribal council where Brooke just randomly got to choose someone to join her tribe? Honestly, at this point the fun was wearing off.

The whole point of twists is to add a little bit of unpredictability into the works, but when you get too many of them the game becomes less about strategy and more about sheer luck.

Some absolutely brilliant players were sent home long before their time just in the name of ~ shaking things up ~. Think of Craig! Phoebe! Hell, KRISTIE would have gone home, if it wasn’t for the bloody Brooke twist. The freaking winner! That honest to God speaks volumes about the shoddy state the season ended up in.

Craig didn’t make the jury

Not really a production issue but still. You may not have made the jury, Craig, but you made the whole damn season. We will never forgot you.

It couldn’t compete with its legacy

Look, I know you must think I sound like a real sad sack. So, to end on a positive note I’ll provide three exquisite seasons, that should serve as an example to production and players alike.

Survivor Cagyan

The benchmark of modern survivor. This is the one where everyone sat up and went ‘damn’. A sarcastic lawyer, crazy engineer and cocky poker player make up just one of these three quirky tribes. The merge is undoubtedly iconic.

Survivor Philippines

Hooo boy, this one’s a doozy. We see the birth of an iconic figure in Survivor folklore, we see the demise of what is quite possibly the worst tribe in Survivor history and we see someone kiss Jeff after they’re voted off. Like I’m not even joking, go watch.

Survivor Blood vs Water

Don’t mistake this for the ill-fated sequel; the original Blood vs Water format was genius. A tribe of returnees vs a tribe of their loved ones. What could go wrong? Thankfully, plenty.

For Australia Survivor, the good news is because of the impressive ratings, it looks like the series has been given a second chance and has been green-lit for another season in 2017. Treated with care, it has all the potential in the world to rival the series’ greats.

Despite its faults, never forget the best part of the Aussie version…

THE CHICKEN LIVES.