SURVIVOR S2E5 Dumb Recap: Here’s The Absolute Worst Survivor Recap You’ll Read
I’m sorry Survivor superfans. This recap is incredibly dumb.
I’m the opposite to a superfan, meaning: I’ve just discovered the (34 season long) series and actually have no clue what’s going on. They’re on a island. They have to survive. But like, the production crew surely can’t let these people die, right?! Surely someone is slipping them a sandwich from time to time.
Over at Samatwo-er, the tribe guys just lost their Tarzan – I assume every group gets a metaphorical Tarzan as their jungle king?
The gang keep talking about fire. Tessa is sad Tarzan is gone because she now has no friends. She’s worried she’s going to get slaughtered. Wait, what?! This show is S.A.V.A.G.E.
Shifty AK is acting shifty.
*Inhales deception*
The tribe that are wearing the red turbans are catching sea creatures. They’re a bit shit at it. They have a giant net that they just throw into the water and hope for the best. Luckily for all their efforts, they found a rat in a bag of rice.
Shifty AK is trying to get people on his team and he is not very convincing. He wants to get rid of Pretty Mc Tall Boy.
Cookie Monster is still eating cookies in the jungle and finishes THEM ALL. He then hold up the jar and sings the theme of The Lion King. It’s a beautiful moment.
Shifty AK is telling Pretty Mc Tall Boy lies and duuuh, he knows you’re lying dude. He’s saying he never tried to blindside him, in between organising his team to blindside him. Nice.
The girl that keeps it real, Tara I think is her name (great name) is just spitting truth bombs and she defs needs to out-survive that AJ idiot. Out-survive? Outlive? Either/ or.
Also, why are they cooking hair for dinner, tho?
yummmmmmmm
Next all the survivors gather on what appears to be an active volcano. Geeez! I don’t know where this host guy is from?!? But his arms are huge and he looks like Anthony LaPaglia after a juice cleanse. Anyways, Hostie Mc Biceps is saying things to the tribe peeps.
They are doing a “immunity challenge”, but first Henry has to give Hostie Mc Biceps a magical vase. I don’t think it matched his shoes anyway.
The challenge is basically each team holding hands for an hour. It’s rather romantic but with the addition of… FIRE.
By the end there’s only four people left holding hands. All of a sudden, huge fuck-off waves start crashing into them on the cliff edge. Is this part of the challenge? Which team survives is the one that isn’t washed away by the sea?
‘Sure, Jimmy got taken by a tidal wave into the South Pacific Ocean and was never seen again, but he sure did hold hands real good.’
In the end, the team that is better at everything won. But no one got caught in a tsunami – so that’s good.
The losers are heading back to camp. Everyone looks concerned when they already know they are fine and Tessa is going. Shifty AK wants Aimee to go cos he suddenly wants Pretty Mc Tall Man to stay. I think we know why…
Jared and Pete walk literally five metres from camp for a DM. They think Locky and Tara call the shots in the team so they decide to vote out Aimee. Makes sense.
Tara is blindsiding Shifty AK. Shifty AK is blindsiding Aimee. Everyone has forgotten Pretty Mc Tall Boy was the one they wanted out last ep. They should keep a diary.
‘REMEMBER MEEE?!?’
It’s nighttime now and we arrive at ‘Fire Chat’ with Hostie Mc Biceps. People are saying how great Shifty AK is and it’s the most transparent thing ever. It’s so bad that Tessa says she wants to lay down and die. Same tbh.
Aimee says that there isn’t a strong eight in the tribe and suddenly everyone at ‘Fire Chat’ is losing their minds. It was something she was not suppose to say. Must be some Illuminati shit.
SEND HER INTO THE SEA, FAM.
They talk cryptic shit for a loooooooong time. Tara explains the difference between small and large alliances. It’s about the numbers in the alliance. I’m taking notes.
V. dramatic music plays and Aimee’s name gets written HEAPS. Heaps enough so it means: buh-bye Amos.
Aimee is “spewin!!” I bet you are.
CYA AIMEE….
