Just Hear Me Out: You Can’t Trust Anyone Who Prefers Sweet Potato Fries

There’s been something that I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for quite some time and finally, the timing feels right. Anyone who willingly chooses sweet potato fries over normal hot chips has not only proved that they’re an untrustworthy person, but they’re also just doing life completely wrong.

I get it, you think I’m judging you. Well, the thing is: yes, I absolutely am.

I’m sorry, but I do not trust anyone who walks into a pub or orders a burger and opts to get sweet potato fries as the better choice, sometimes paying $3 more to do so? Are you OK?!

Let’s take a moment, sit down, hold hands or whatever, and chat about this crazy sweet potato fries phenomenon.

Here’s why sweet potato fries aren’t actually better than just your normal, average hot chips:

1. They don’t taste as good.

Source: Me.

They don’t. Need some proof? No one ever went to KFC and was like “yo, Colonel, can I have your famous chips with the chicken salt and actually can you upgrade them to sweet potato chips?”

That would be insane.

2. They are often weirdly mushy or limp.

Goodmorning to everyone except people who willingly get sweet potato fries instead of regular ones

— Senpai? (@Cosmicflaming0) May 28, 2020

Sure, every now and then you will get a crispy, delicious, sweet potato fry but it’s a rarity. How often do you eat a bad normal hot chip? Still not as often as you’d eat shit sweet potato ones.

3. They actually aren’t that much healthier for you, so your whole choice was based on a lie.

Remember we’re talking in hot chip form here. My favourite thing in the whole world is people ordering a big, dirty pub feed then switching to sweet potato fries because they’re “healthier”. Damien, babe, the thing is it’s still deep-fried and it’s going with your massive burger. I don’t think switching out on potatoes is going to save you here.

Sure they may have more vitamin A but let’s be real, I’m not eating deep-fried potato to get my Vit A.

4. They can sometimes be more expensive.

To the people who willingly pay more to eat sweet potato fries, this is all I have to say to you:

5. Why change something that’s not broken?

Self-explanatory. Normal hot potato chips, in whichever way they are served to us, are the real deal. No one wants sweet potato gems. No one has ever wondered why Bird’s Eye hasn’t brought out a crinkle-cut sweet potato chip. If you’re reading this like “well, actually, I have emailed McCain’s to ask fo-” please never speak to me again.

Also we all know the best hot chips come with a generous sprinkling of God’s gift to the universe: chicken salt. Are you really telling me you’d hoover down sweet potato fries with chicken salt and think that’s some A+ shit? You need Jesus.

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To conclude, anyone who chooses sweet potato fries over normal ones is immediately untrustworthy. Like one of my colleagues says “you can’t trust anyone with two first names” and I’m also throwing it out there that you can’t trust anyone who opts to pay more for sweet potato fries.

Thanks for listening.