Tag A Karen, Because Here Are All The Things That Retail Workers Are Not Responsible For

Correct me if I’m wrong, but does my name tag have the name ‘David’ or ‘Jones’ written on there?

listen GIF by The Maury Show

How about ‘Peter’ or ‘Alexander’? ‘Bailey’ or ‘Nelson’? No? Then why the EFF do y’all think, that I’m responsible for 99% of what goes on here?

Unfortunately, we live in a world where common sense isn’t so common. People still think that the earth is flat, that tofu makes men grow boobs, and that retail workers are responsible for 100% of the ‘ish that goes on in a store.

Let me tell you something: after 10 years in retail myself, I’ve seen it all. Before Karen, there was Chad, and before Chad there was Susan, and before Susan, there was Ken and before Ken, there was a whole bunch of crazy people (both men and women) who believed I was the sole decision-maker of the multi-million dollar company I was working for.

Just because I work in retail does not mean that I own the company. I’m honestly just here to try and save up for the new pair of Air Force Ones, so therefore your beef with the company does not concern me. I’m just the cutie behind the counter obligated to upsell you charity water.

On that note, let’s break it down.

Here are all the things that retail workers are NOT responsible for, despite what Karen might think:

The prices

This should go without saying, but unfortunately, we live in a world where common sense isn’t so common.

Karen, I hate to break it to you, but us retail workers take ZERO part in deciding what to charge for the products in the store. I KNOW RIGHT?! I was shocked too!! I mean, when I found out that the multi-million dollar retail chain that I was working for DIDN’T let my 14-year-old ass decide how much the cord pants should be, I was like…“why am I here?!”.

The returns policy

Contrary to popular belief, retail workers do not write the returns policy.

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We don’t decide whether you get a refund or not, nor do we decide the 14-day limit of when you can bring something back in for a return.

Even though I don’t have a legal degree because I’m probably 15, I can definitely assure you that the store’s return policy IS NOT ‘against the law’ like you say it is.

This is literally Kmart, Karen. We have hundreds of stores across the globe and a legal team of up to a thousand people. Trust me, if we were operating illegally we would’ve been caught by now. So if you have an issue, take it up with the people who wrote the policy, because my shift ends in 10 minutes.

How busy the store is 

This also goes for hospitality workers, but however long you have to wait for your food or the fitting room is honestly not my problem. I didn’t decide for 984234 people to come in on this quiet Monday when usually I see about two people the entire day.

It’s not like we’re all standing around doing nothing while you wait, we’re actually hustling as hard as we can so that we can get yo’ ass out of the store as fast as possible. So next time you complain how busy the store is… stay home. Won’t be as busy then, I promise.

When your vouchers/gift cards have expired 

Say it louder for the people in the back!

If your voucher or gift card is expired…then it’s expired. The fact that I have to even keep explaining this is beyond me. Would you eat an expired piece of bread? Or drink some expired milk? Then don’t try and use your expired gift card.

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And the best part that every retail person will relate to is the sob stories that we hear about why the gift card is expired. “My Grandma has been in hospital” or “My hamster suffered cardiac arrest and we had to have his funeral in Bolivia.” Nup, soz, see ya later, give your hamster my deepest condolences.

Not having the same stuff as online

As well as apparently having ‘DUMBASS’ tattooed on my forehead, I must also have ‘HTTPS.’ up there, cos y’all people be swearing that I’m the online site.

Just because you’ve seen it online, doesn’t mean it’s going to be in our store. It’s as simple as that. So many factors such as store grades, item demographics, thefts, sellouts, failed inventory or stocktake levels, all contribute to why the item you saw online isn’t in our store. And yes, that does include if the website SAYS we have it and then we don’t.

Save yourself the trauma, CALL FIRST. We will check, we will tell you if your item is there, and then you don’t have to get all bitchy at us. See? Win/win.

That sale sign that you referred to as “Misleading advertising” 

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Let me tell you, if I worked in graphics or marketing then I wouldn’t be here scanning your 2-for-1 Spanx. Us retail workers do not write out the signs, nor do we decide to put ‘exclusions apply’ in tiny letters. Because to be fair, it is written there even though it’s super tiny so technically you can’t REALLY pop off about it being “misleading”. The only thing misleading here is your eyesight, Karen.

The air conditioning

99.9999% of stores, primarily the ones located in shopping centres have literally nothing to do with the air conditioning, so IDK why you’re on my d*ck right now.

Don’t you think that if you’re cold…so am I?! Or that if you’re sweating…I am too? No, you didn’t, because you only think about yourself.

The temperature of the centre/store has nothing to do with us. I honestly don’t even know who DOES control the switch TBH. Maybe someone in a Westfield head office somewhere? But seriously though, on top of the cold air, we don’t need your icy b*tch attitude too, so please chill (lol).