What Exactly Is Tantric Sex? A Sex Coach Explains
What feels like many moons ago, The Bachelorette finale showed Brooke Blurton and eventual winner Darvid Garayeli go on their final single date where the two engaged in some tantric yoga to spice things up.
Practising some slow breathing and getting into weird positions while someone watches on sounds confronting, but tantric yoga and tantric sex offers a whole different way to be able to connect on a deeper level with your partner.
It was "out the crown of the head" for us. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/OFOO3ZgtWS
— #BacheloretteAU (@BacheloretteAU) November 25, 2021
We got Love Honey Sex Coach and Tantric Practitioner Cam Fraser to explain the ins and outs (no pun intended) of tantric sex and what to expect.
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So, what is tantric sex?
“To kick us off, I want to first say that there is a beautiful historical and philosophical kind of classical tantra originating in Northern India which is fascinating but it’s somewhat separate to this conversation of tantric sex. What we’re talking about today is a more modern interpretation of tantra, sometimes called neo-tantra, which is where our understanding of tantric sex comes from. The layperson definition of tantric sex is about bringing sacredness, intentionality and spirituality into your sexual experiences.
Tantric sex can be practised on your own, with a partner, or with multiple partners. Tantric sexual practices are intended to combine the spiritual with the physical in order to cultivate a deeper reverence for, and awareness of, consciousness.
Tantric sex can be described as a meditative form of sex where the end goal is not about orgasming but instead about the sexual journey as a whole and sensations of the body. It focuses on moving sexual energy throughout the body for heightened states of pleasure and, in some instances, profound experiences of healing.”
How do you get started with tantric sex?
“Tantric sex is all about being present in the moment, for a deeply sensual and fulfilling sexual experience. You’ll want to experiment with certain elements, such as breath, sound, movement, and touch, as well as creating a container for your experience, minimising distractions, and bringing everything to a close. In order to do this, the first step is knowing your own body. Tantric masturbation or solo tantra, is the best place for anyone to start their tantric sex journey.
Set the mood first, you’ll want it to feel romantic, even if it’s just for yourself to help ritualise the experience. At the heart of neo-tantra is breathing. Box breathing, also known as square breathing, is a great breathwork exercise used to slow down your breathing which can be applied to tantric sex to help ease your mind and become present. When you begin touching, don’t go straight to your usual pleasure zones, go to your secondary erogenous zones – inner thighs, elbows, hands etc.
The best news? Sex toys are encouraged! I suggest using toys that can create different sensations, such as glass or stainless steel dildos, as these can be either cooled down or warmed up for some temperature play. Work these toys slowly around your secondary pleasure zones and embrace the feelings of pleasure before moving to your primary pleasure zones.
When trying partnered tantric sex, the first step is learning your partner’s body. Sit across from each other cross-legged on the ground, build a nest out of pillows, make a comfortable space. Each place your right hand on the other’s heart and then your left hand over your partner’s hand or genitals. Use this time to make eye contact to heighten intimacy and establish that deep connection. Then begin to synchronise your breathing and imagine your breath intertwining with your partner’s on each exhale.
Consider moving to a slow, full-body massage, using massage oil to enhance the experience and awaken sexual desire. Don’t stick to your usual sex script, tantric sex is about experimentation and what feels right in the moment – it doesn’t have to follow the usual linear sex pattern of foreplay, intercourse, climax.”
What are the benefits of tantric sex?
“There are many benefits to tantric sex, including everything from accessing and achieving greater pleasure and discovering full-body or multiple orgasms, all the way through to releasing sexual blocks, and possibly helping you heal from potential sexual trauma.
For people who have penises, the benefits can also extend to overcoming premature ejaculation or discovering an ability to experience non-ejaculatory orgasms. This can allow for longer sexual experiences and greater relaxation during sex.”
How can tantric sex benefit relationships?
“Aside from the personal benefits, tantric sex holds a lot of potential benefits for couples or those in a relationship. Couples who try tantric sex often experience a new and deeper connection with their partner/s, along with increased communication and trust.”
Why tantric sex coaching is a good date idea
“For those in a long term relationship, experimenting with tantric sex can help reignite the spark or show your partner that you’re prioritising your connection. We may find that in our busy lives, we’re not taking enough time out to actively focus on our partners. In this instance, having a neo-tantric date where you get to intentionally work on enhancing your relationship and building a deep connection with your partner is a fantastic idea.
For new couples or those still in the honeymoon stage, engaging a professional tantric practitioner or trying out some neo-tantric practices at home, can show that you’re open to forming a deeper and more intimate connection. You won’t want to overwhelm your partner with too much at once, so start by teasing them and pique their interest by sending across articles, watching a documentary, or listening to a podcast together. Be open and honest about why you’re wanting to engage in tantra with them. Like all sexual experiences, open conversation and consent is key.”