the bachelor premiere recap tweets

Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Premiere Retold Via Hilarious Tweets

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Pour a glass of wine, assemble a plate of overpriced soft cheeses, and restart the group thread with your closest confidants. The Bachelor season is upon us!

Tonight’s premiere did not disappoint. We had romantic sparks flying, a host of quirky characters introduced, and a woman who is deeply triggered by pilots being matched with a pilot. The devil works hard but Channel 10 works harder.

There are simply too many standout contestants to list but I have a huge soft spot for Bachy mouth inspector Laura, along with oversharer Sierah, who admitted after meeting Jimmy that she was “busting for a fart” during her entire tarot reading segment. That image she painted of herself levitating because she’s filled with gas will unfortunately remain deep in my psyche forever.

Then there were the wifeys who were blessed with the twinkly fairytale music — namely Brooke, Jay, Hannah and Holly — four women who I wouldn’t be surprised if they all made it to the hometowns episode. But Bachy can be unpredictable and Lily, you know that blonde woman who dropped in by crane, is a dark horse not to be underestimated.

We will just have to wait and see how the season plays out. Until then, let’s relive tonight’s shitshow through live-tweets from very funny people.

Tonight’s The Bachelor retold via hilarious tweets:

We meet pilot Jimmy, his wholesome family and adorable dog. We’re in a brand new Bachy mansion baby, things are moving on up! The first contender to arrive is Brooke, who presents Jimmy with a Sri Lankan love cake — and we already ship it!

Corporate lawyer Carlie makes Jimmy sign a ‘Bachelor Contract’, before frontrunner Jay arrives and wows Jimmy with her mediocre chess skills.

Next up is speech pathologist Laura, who ends up inspecting our Bachy’s mouth cavities. She is obviously my favourite so far. Not to be outdone, Sierah gives Jimmy a tarot card reading featuring a photo of herself on every card. She’s hilarious.

Criminal lawyer Belinda rocks up in a V8 and makes jokes about locking Jimmy in her basement. Ngl, she scares me a little.

A few more random blondes enter, before two contenders meet Jimmy — Hannah gives Jimmy a lock for the love bridge in Paris, then Holly wins Jimmy over with wine. Chanel takes Jimmy on Bachelor Airways, which is the closest any of us will come to international travel for a long while. Soak it up, fam!

Gamer Stephanie is not thrilled to find out that Jimmy is a pilot, having dated pilots in her past. She rants about how she was in a relationship with a pilot for three years and seems to think that all pilots cheat on their partners.

Just as Jimmy is getting acquainted with the ladies, Lily drops in on a bloody huge crane. They have a quick chat before a barrage of different women take turns interrupting each other. It’s a fun game.

This year’s novelty rose comes in the form of a key to the ‘business lounge’. This is a key that can be used throughout the season for uninterrupted time with Jimmy. The lucky lady chosen is Jay (shocker!), who doesn’t just score the key but the first rose as well.

At the rose ceremony, Sierah muses that some ladies aren’t on the show for Jimmy, while Steph reveals she isn’t sure she even wants a rose, as she didn’t feel an immediate connection with Bachy boi. This is clearly foreshadowing some kind of drama — and we’re here for it. Annabelle and Lauren are left roseless and tbh, no one knows who they are.

Too bad, so sad! Goodbye forever!