Let’s Talk About The New Bachy Girls Because Yikes, What A Mess
Just when we had gotten invested in the storylines of the women we met on the premiere of The Bachelor last night, the series has gone and thrown in a new bunch of gals.
Tonight’s cocktail party was gatecrashed by EIGHT new women and the OG girls couldn’t have been more filthy. We had a lass playing the ukulele, a boxing sesh and a cheerleading brigade.
They made enough of a spectacle to result in the original 18 ladies losing their damn minds, throwing insults their way and getting all kinds of jealous. What a mess.
Here’s our assessment of the rest of The Bachelor ladies introduced tonight:
Monique
The Gossip Queen
Monique was planted in the competition to get on everyone’s last nerve. She admits it’s easy for her to meet someone. Ah, cool. Why are you here?! Monique added she wants to find someone to adore her.
After introducing herself to Matt, she immediately drops in that she loves lacy lingerie, but is a low-key tomboy who loves boxing, before maniacally laughing in Matt’s face for a very very long time.
Tbh, this all seems too good to be true and I reckon she’s playing Matt like a fiddle.
Most likely to: Say “no offence” right before saying something offensive.
Julia
Mother Theresa
Julia says she’s a “children’s entertainer” before singing Matt a song. I assume she thinks Matt is a child. I did enjoy her stripped-back rendition of ‘Miss Polly Had A Dolly’. But our Bachy looked visibly uncomfortable the entire time so I don’t see much chemistry there.
Julia also said she wants to be his cheerleader so I guess Nikki (the show’s official cheerleader) is slowly plotting her cheerful death right now. If she escapes unscathed, I’m sure Julia will take on a mother role in the Bachy mansion as she seems like a gentle soul.
Most likely to: Lend out Tupperware and cry when someone doesn’t wash it properly.
Jessica
Bad Bitch
She’s covered in tattoos and so hot she almost set my laptop on fire. Jessie is a definite contender and will be leading the charge as the newbies compete against the OG Bachy girls.
When she first arrived at the mansion, she admitted “these old girls are going to be shook,” before declaring, “the new girls are going to give the old girls a run for their money. Game on.” The girl is competitive AF but might get distracted amongst the drama of it all.
Most likely to: Scratch her competitor’s eyes out with her acrylic nails.
Renee
New Lady #1
I don’t know her.
Most likely to: Sleep at night and wake up in the morning.
Sam
New Lady #2
She sure did wear a blue dress, didn’t she? A blue dress. Can’t believe it.
Most likely to: Eat food and drink liquids.
Tara
Dr. Feel Up
Tara did not mess around. Upon approaching Matt, she told him, “I think the heart knows what it wants before the head can catch up,” before getting out a random stethoscope, declaring “So I thought I could have a listen to yours.” She then demanded Matt take his shirt off. Yes bitch.
I don’t think our Bachy was feeling it tho. His eyes were screaming out for help. She soon confirmed that Matt’s heart was “racing.” My heart often speeds up when I feel like I’m in danger or near death.
Most likely to: Offer to give Matt mouth-to-mouth…while he’s fully conscious.
Danush
Sogand 2.0
Danush has been sent into the mansion to replace Sogand as there can only be one Persian beauty in the competition, well, according to Sogand. Tbh, we didn’t find out much about Danush. She gave Matt a tasting plate of sweets, did a spin and off she went.
The rest of the night she was stalked by Sogand, who was possibly putting some kind of hex on her or doing a genetic test with her fingernails to prove she isn’t actually Persian.
Most likely to: Catch Sogand shaving her hair while she sleeps.
Nikki
Bachy’s Cheer Squad
Ah, Nikki. What a star. She rocked up dressed as a cheerleader, bumbling towards Matt before presenting him with some of the most beautiful prose I’ve ever heard on this show:
“Hi there, my name is Nikki,
Finding love can be quite tricky,
Oh Bachy, you’re a cutie,
Let me see you shake that booty.”
GOOSEBUMPS. Following her exquisite rhyme, she kind of just continued off down the garden path without saying another word to Bachy. Will she only speak in high-spirited chants? Stay tuned to find out.
Most likely to: Accidentally eat glue.