the bachelor tweets

Tonight’s ‘The Bachelor’ Premiere Retold Via Hilarious Tweets

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Welcome back, Bachy fans! It’s been approx 48 hours since we last gabbed on about Bachelor In Paradise but with a new year brings a new cast of faces on The Bachelor. Let’s say a prayer for the BIP contestants and never speak of them again.

Thankfully, we have a whole host of ladies that debuted tonight and wow! These women did not come to play and have huge personalities. Areeba is a boss! Zoe-Clare has red hair (and don’t you forget it!) Laura will NEVER go to Bali! Oh, and one contestant believes she’s a penguin! How fun!

After all the ladies’ introductions, predictable drama descended on the Bachy mansion over one girl interrupting another’s chat. Fun fact: this exact same argument has occurred on every single premiere of The Bachelor since the dawn of time…probably. What was new was the girl’s reaction (Zoe-Clare) and her forthcoming rant about red hair rights.  Got to love this show for keeping us on our toes.

We simply must relive the entire garbage fire through the episode’s funniest tweets!

Tonight’s The Bachelor premiere retold via hilarious tweets:

It’s a brand new season! We meet Locky and learn that he likes extreme sports and falling in love with two women simultaneously.

First girl Steph talks about nothing but burritos for five minutes, and just as Locky reveals he doesn’t like spicy food Izzy arrives to force him to eat a plate full of chillies.

Then we meet Areeba who is A BOSS. We know this as she says it approx 876 times.

While Rosemary comes as a penguin because she just loves them! Then Zoe-Clare saunters in to crack open a beer with her teeth.

Next is Laura, a self-confessed snob who thinks Locky’s second home Bali is “so gross!”

Charley is obsessed with her own eyebrows and she burst into the mansion to tell the girls that she ‘swears on her eyebrows’ that Locky is from Survivor.

Then we meet the winner Bella, who sweeps Locky off his feet and gives him a heart to wear on his sleeve.

Osher arrives and announces a new triple threat rose before Locky bursts in to choose penguin-suited Rosemary for the first chat, which angers the other ladies. A penguin? In this economy?

Areeba interrupts Zoe-Clare’s talk with Locky, which sets her off for the rest of the episode. She later decides she was targeted by Areeba for her red hair and rants about it to anyone who will listen. She eventually gets in Areeba’s face in front of all the other girls.

Nicole, the dancer, convinces Locky to pull off the lift scene from Dirty Dancing and is rewarded with the triple threat rose.

At the rose ceremony, Paige and Nadine were left roseless. Bring on this hot mess of a season!