‘The Bachelor’ Episode 10: One Girl Finally Breaks Free & Desperately Flees The Mansion
As the sun rises and sets on another day, so does one girl’s chance of mating with a Honey Badger.
These are the days of our lives.
As we start the new episode, Nick reckoned it was a great day to get on the speedway and “burn some rubber”.
As it turns out, this is not a sex thing.
Brooke, Britt, Sophie and Dasha (aka our top four) arrived for the group date.
The women in the cars tried to crash into Nick and Osher to destroy the remaining male population but were unfortunately not successful.
The group date revolved around weird, competitive driving activities and Nick said he was looking for someone who was “going to push their limits, in a safe environment.”
Which is also not a sex thing apparently.
The winner was to get solo time with Nick AND a box of avocados for the house. Seriously. These girls suck at negotiating, like idk, try negotiating for your FREEDOM????
The first challenge involved the ladies getting blindfolded and driving, which is normal and safe!
Nothing screams “I want to fall in love” more than being blindfolded, thrown into a car, and made to drive around plastic cones.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Cass wasn’t picked for the next single date.
Jamie-Lee and her moon boot got the lucky single date card!
As the group date dragged on, Osher frantically climbed to the highest point in a desperate search to find help.
You’d think six seasons in he’d realise there’s no point, but kudos to our boi for trying.
Meanwhile, the Badge did what we all did at uni and tried to steal a traffic cone to take home.
I mean who hasn’t woken up the next day with a bright orange cone in their bed… room. Just me? Oh, ok.
The Badge picked Sophie, aka Soph-a-loaf, for some alone time and served her up some dins.
Imagine dating someone and then realising their favourite Macca’s item was a filet-o-fish burger, and not even just on Good Fridays.
Just kidding he did give her a box of avocados… which is basically as good as a house in Sydney these days.
What is this show? Why are the girls not being fed avocados in the house? This isn’t bloody Survivor. Give the ladies the strange green fruit!
They then had a gross kiss where Nick really messed up her hair and it stressed me out.
That’s how it gets knotty! And if you’re trying to cut back to washing your hair only twice a week it makes it hard to stick to that routine! God, men are stupid.
Ironically, as Jamie-Lee got ready for a date we had a nice zoom-in of some products Sophie would be needing to borrow.
Where’s the detangling comb, fam?
Badge pondered the meaning of life near some greenery while he waited for Jamie-Lee.
“So soft,” he thought as he stroked the leaf. “So green. But how do we really know if the sky is blue and the plants are green? What if the plants are blue and the sky is green? Which girl will I pick, to touch the peen?”
Jamie-Lee wasn’t exactly stoked at their Japanese-themed date that involved Badge having a great old time twirling his sword around.
Once again that wasn’t a euphemism, and I really need you to stop thinking dirty. I’ve upped my reconciliation to three times a week. I suggest you do the same!
The date only got more awkward.
First dates are always awkward though, right? No I’m asking you for real, that’s just me making an assumption. I don’t go on dates.
As they entered the cocktail party, the eagle-eyed girls noticed Jamie-Lee didn’t have a rose. She had a whimper about how fkin awkward her date was.
Maybe that’s why I don’t get asked to go on dates because I like to cry on them too.
Badge took Tenille off for a chat (drama!) and Emily decided now was the time to spout some more words from The Bachelor encyclopedia.
“We all have a purpose,” is also what I whisper to myself every evening before bed when I realised I’ve spent so much of my evening putting Comic Sans on images.
Nick saw a light shining through the darkness and was drawn to it much like Eve to the apple in the garden of sin.
IDK you guys, I didn’t pay much attention in religion despite what you probably think.
In a moment that has left us all wildly confused, Tenille eliminated herself from the competition before Nick could leave her roseless.
Which was weird, because it was so obvious to EVERYONE that Jamie-Lee wouldn’t get a rose, and then Tenille freaked the fuck out and just bailed on out of there?
“It doesn’t matter if you’re 6’2 and 100 kg, your heart can get crushed by situations like this, each rose ceremony its harder and harder,” Nick lamented, wishing he could keep all his girlfriends.
Also, I used that line once to my boyfriend but he was like “um you’re 5-foot tall and also I’m your Uber Eats driver, can I go now?”
Osher delivered the bad news to the girls: They were ALL dumped!
Ahh classic gag. Nah, he just told them Tenille had bailed for good this time and had finally out-run the producer who followed her down the driveway. The girls were devo to see another wife fall.
We will remember her.