Strap Ya Feed Bag On, Because Here’s The Recap For ‘The Bachelor’ Episode 6

Welcome to another episode of Honey Badger’s Horny Quest For Love!

Honey Badger invited Rhiannon for a single date, saying she caught his eye on the very first night. Meanwhile, we still weren’t entirely sure who she even was.

CBS flew in quickly to drop a little extra cash on the date, and they jetted off on a hot air balloon. If you look closely, Cass kept an eye on it from the trees.

I zoomed in for you.

Back at the house, Vanessa was handcuffed to a lounge by the producers so she couldn’t escape.

Will our beautiful Rapunzel ever be set free?!

Osher backflipped in, impersonating some chick called Emily (he gets bored waiting in the wings OK?). The ladies were told six of them were going to paradise!

That’s what half of them came on this show to do anyway! But alas, no it’s not Bachelor In Paradise time just yet.

Vanessa got picked for the group date, and our queen didn’t give a flying frying pan that the other girls thought she wasn’t excited.

Honestly, she’s the only one that makes any sense in the house. Even Queen Lizzy is ready to give up the throne for her.

Oh, and Britt, Alisha, Romy, Shannon and Cass also got picked.

On the single date, things were more awkward than the time I said hi to a random guy at a cafe thinking it was my friend.

I don’t wear my glasses often.

Honey Badger and Rhianna? Rhiannon? Rhinna? (we’ll just call her Rhi from now on) asked each other questions. The first one about the ~meaning of love~ really stumped our girl Rhi. And tbh fair, because love to me means someone delivering me a big, dirty pad Thai after a night out. And by someone, I mean a Menulog guy. And then they knock on my door, set it down and leave so I don’t even have to see them.

Eventually, for some unknown reason Badge gave Rhi a rose, and they had a cringeworthy near kiss.

“Should we kiss?!” Rhi screamed in his face 86 times. “Do we kiss now?” she desperately yelled. “DO YOU WANNA KISS?” she bellowed into a microphone, over a loudspeaker at a public school nearby.

The fourth wall was broken and some very strange chat with a producer happened, where Rhi started crying… and look, it was weird.

I miss the days of people like Sam and Snez falling in love, ya know? No weird producer cameos, no Quinn King voice in my ear.

Honey Badger chilled out with some Passion Pop, ice bucket Osher, and Kimmy K while this was all going on.

I’m not saying I deserve the next Archibald but I’m not saying I don’t.

Interlude:  Here’s a collage of Vanessa Sunshine just being really over everyone’s shit.

It’s going on my vision board.

On the group date, everyone got dumped in the bush and only one could make it out alive.

They had to decide who to kill and eat first as food. Unfortunately it was Osher.

KIDDING! Osher, in fact, told them that while six ladies were there now, only five would be going home. Yep, you got it. A bush rose ceremony was going to happen later on.

Vanessa nailed making her swag (haha puns!) and also imagined what that hammer could do to Romy.

Romy, Vanessa, Alisha and the Badge went quad biking. While Romy tried to stay as close to Nick as possible and copped a face full of dirt, Vanessa just happily zoomed along doing her own thang and arrived immaculate.

Romy and Badge spent some solo time together, where Romy basically told Badge that Vanessa thought he was ugly and she wasn’t all that attracted to him.

Badge then asked Vanessa what that was all about. She didn’t hold back.

“Blonde curly hair, blonde curly moustache, I just thought maybe you needed a little makeover,” she told him of her first impressions. Strangely, nobody has bothered telling the Badge this before and he was taken aback. “But you have lovely teeth,” she diplomatically finished.

“I’m not your run-of-the-mill standard rooster,” he told the camera earnestly, looking confused that someone was yet to fall for his larrikin charm and ’80s perm.

Back at the camp, Honey Badger was ready to once again “strap the feed bag on”. Romy couldn’t wait!

He was talking about cooking dinner, you absolute sickos. I mean, I think.

As the clouds covered the sky and I howled at the disappearing full moon and all that BS, everyone went to bed. But of course, Romy decided to sneak into Honey Badger’s swag. All we heard on our end was a lot of laughing. You know, just two mature 30-year-olds having a classic joke. I guess it was meant to be scandalous, but also I was too busy thinking about the new Macca’s apple pie McFlurry.

The next day Honey Badger and Cass had some solo time.

It was surprisingly nice and chilled, and Nick even said he had a connection with Cass. Can’t wait til he rips her heart out and tosses it across a paddock, bounces it into a lake, and a hungry goose eats it.

As the girls packed up and got ready for the rose ceremony, I couldn’t help but notice something odd…

Seriously, who the fuck needs that much shampoo for a night away?! Have you heard of travel bottles, sis?

At the rose ceremony, Badge did the unthinkable. He kicked out Vanessa Sunshine.

Even after she nailed making her swag, was a pro on the quad bike and was basically a MasterChef of cooking burgers over a campfire!

Honestly Nick, show some goddamn RESPECT.

On the plus side, she’s now free to come back out and rule the country. Move over Scott Morrison. Your six-day reign is up.

Next week: Someone has a freakout and tries to run away and it’s not even me!

And you know the drill: Stay tuned to a Punkee Facebook near you tomorrow morning for our video recap!