8 Things That Happened On Tonight’s ‘Locky’s Horny Lockdown’ Bachy Episode

Welcome back to another week of The Bachelor in lockdown! That’s normally how I greet my team every Bachy season because it’s like being in a 14-week prison of our own making, but tonight (as Zac Efron would say) we’re all in this together.

Tonight was our last experience of Zoomchelor, with the show condensing the whole month or so they probably had to film in lockdown into two episodes. And for that, we are forever grateful.

The group date saw Locky meet some family members, while an intruder entered the game via a “get to know me” video that sent Locky into a horny meltdown. The new intruder Bec is basically Locky’s dream girl because she loves being outdoors. To be fair, even those of us who despise the outside world would probably list our interests as being outdoors right now, given the current climate. The other day I fantasised about getting on a train without a mask on, before I slapped myself in a reminder that I am even lucky to get on a train at all.

Anyway, back to Locky’s fantasies: let’s recap this show already!

Here’s everything that went down in episode 9 of The Bachelor: Locky’s Horny Lockdown. 

1. Entering back into virtual Bachy world, Osher announced most of the girls would be back in the mansion soon.

The funniest part was when one of the girls mentioned being in lockdown for “weeks” and then they all jumped online to pretend the latest rose ceremony happened just last night. Thankfully, Osher zoomed in (see what I did there? Haha! Don’t laugh, it sucked), to tell the girls that lockdown was close to ending and they’d be back in the mansion ASAP.

Look at Bella, she’s so off the whole virtual dating.

I am still waiting for Osher to pop up into my life too and tell me lockdown is ending and I’ll be whisked off to a mansion not to meet a man, but just because I deserve it for covering this show for six years.

2. Bella, Steph, Nicole, and Roxi were chosen for the group date and it involved Locky meeting one of their family members.

The real MVP of this episode was Steph’s dad who simply wasn’t having a bar of it. I hope Steph’s dad replaces Osher for the episodes of The Bachelorette he’ll miss. Imagine him just angrily staring all the guys in the house down and not saying anything, it’d be perfect TV.

Steph’s dad proceeded to ask Locky why he hadn’t taken Steph on a date yet. Locky fumbled over his answers, saying “I’ve got her best interests in my head” and “there’ll definitely be some action” which is absolutely not what ANY dad wants to hear.

There has never been a more relatable person on this show.

Steph’s dad now joins Olena’s dad and Britt’s dad in the Bachy Dad Hall of Fame. It’s a prestigious club, and I honestly think they should create a business where women can hire them to suss out their new suitors and scare them off if they’re absolute f*ckbois.

3. From the group dates we learned, courtesy of her mum, that Roxi has an alter ego called Rhonda. This is Rhonda:

It appears for most of the time Roxi has been on the show, we’ve really only ever seen Rhonda. Rhonda is the one who lashes out at cocktail parties, cries when another girl gets close to Locky, and storms out of group dates. We’re unsure if it was Roxi or Rhonda who wanted to be bent like a pretzel, so let’s just assume both.

FWIW, no judgement to Roxi/Rhonda because I also have an alter ego called Pahlia for when I’m drunk. Pahlia is the one who slides into the DMs of anyone and everyone as if their Instagram story was especially tailored to her. Pahlia is an absolute shameless flirt after three margaritas and two fireball shots. Pahlia is currently on hiatus after her last birthday. Pahlia just dry-retched at the thought of a fireball shot.

Bella told the girls that her mum loved Locky so much she was already about to offer him “the keys to the beach house.” Relatable!

We’re all Steph in this moment:

4. Frustrations were running high this episode for a multitude of reasons, so let’s quickly go into that:

Firstly, I was frustrated because watching this reminded me of life in April when peak excitement was sliding into someone else’s Houseparty chat. We could take the little wins then because we kinda hoped all of this would be over in September, yet here we are, in the same place, but things like Houseparty aren’t exciting anymore because nothing is new and exciting anymore.

Anyway, sorry where was I?

Oh yeah, Izzy was stress baking over not being able to see Locky, even though she really saw more than she needed to last week.

Irena was frustrated with Bella being on the group date and this is the FIRST we see of the simmering tension between the two former BFFs. Nothing is really explained a whole lot, but I’m sure we’ll find out more later.

And ALL of the girls were tense, because an intruder has come into the running! And Osher, in a completely demonic move, showed them all the video of the new intruder being all good looking and outdoorsy. She’s basically Locky’s perfect girl.

Just kidding, it’s not Brooke, her name is Bec.

Rhonda was immediately suss on the new intruder because she doubted that Bec has ever struggled to find a man in her life, as if beautiful people aren’t also faced with dickwads on dating apps. C’mon, solidarity for your sisters: we all know how hard it is to meet a normal man, it doesn’t matter if you look like a model or if you look like my 107-year-old neighbour Doris. Though she seems to pull a lot of men, according to her.

5. Locky and Bec went on a single date.

That’s if a single date was sitting down in front of a Zoom call and blinking rapidly saying “wow, you’re so beautiful” every three seconds. I’ve tried that approach before but then my boss told me I wasn’t getting a promotion and exited our WIP.

I have nothing to say about this single date. It was just two attractive people saying they both loved the things the other person loved so I just sat really still for approximately six minutes and screamed really loudly.

6. Intermission: Blistex.

Important to keep your lips hydrated even if you never leave the house ever again.

7. We faced our final cocktail party in lockdown, and Juliette really made sure to deliver us entertainment via Zoom one last time.

Let’s be real, we’re not here to watch people take cutesy sips of wine and compliment each other over video chat. Juliette decided to do the most by throwing Rhonda under the bus and asking her, in front of Bec, if she had changed her mind about Bec only being there for fame now that she’s met her.

Juliette and Rhonda then both blow up at each other, arguing over Zoom chat once again.

Juliette has done her best to be immortalised into GIF form and for that, we must obey her commands because she delivered more than anyone else this episode.

And finally, Juliette, now Queen of Zoom, gave us the perfect impression of all of us leaving a 45-minute long video meeting that should’ve been an email.

You may notice I didn’t touch on their argument here, but it’s because it was truly nothing new. And if I wanted to watch an argument over a Zoom chat, I’d just simply sign into my morning meetings at work, but really, who has the time?

8. In a bit of a shock elimination, Nicole was booted from the mansion.

The funniest thing about this episode is that when I write recap notes, my notes autocorrect “roseless” to “noseless” so the only notes I had on this part looked like this:

Imagine if we got a backstory as to why Nicole was left roseless? Imagine explaining how the winner of the triple threat rose didn’t make it back to the mansion at all, even after three dates with Locky?

An audience needing answers? Don’t be naive!

Luckily I’ve watched so much Pretty Little Liars that I’m used to letdowns and things being closed off without further explanation. Which is also a description of my dating life, now that I think about it.

Au Revoir Nicole! I hope you can go find your dancing king! (Hopefully not Ivan.)

Tomorrow night:

The ladies head back to the mansion, and we may finally understand why Irena and Bella are feuding. Maybe.