14 Things That Happened On The Hometown Visits Of ‘The Bachelor’

Welcome to the hometown visits of The Bachelor, where we’re forced to relive everyone’s journey and one family member has to ask the Bachy some ‘hard-hitting’ questions before welcoming him into the family with open arms.

The hometowns episode is always quite formulaic and we’ve seen it all before. An overprotective parent questions the Bachy’s intentions, a creepily overprotective brother knows what’s best for his sister, and the final four girls drop lines like “I think I’m falling in love” or come straight out and say it, while wiping a gentle, glistening tear off of one perfect cheekbone.

Now, if you’ve just joined me know this: I’ve been writing recaps about reality TV for what feels like 84 years and I’m starting to think I could copy and paste each hometown recap and just change the names around and no one would be none the wiser… including everyone I work with because they don’t read these unless I force them too (sorry Tara).

Tonight’s hometowns shook the formula up slightly, mainly because all the families had to come to Sydney to meet Locky, rather than him jetting around Australia and greeting everyone in their rented out Airbnb mansions.

But don’t get too excited about this episode. For the most part it was still the hometowns we know and expect. As usual, you’ve got your whole seat but you only need the edge!

Let’s go straight into what happened on The Bachelor: Hometowns edition.

1. Locky thought about how sad it was his horny adventure was coming to an end and the fact he’s about to make the ultimate sacrifice: monogamy.

2. Izzy was up first and as she taught Locky some yoga, we learned he had a third nipple.

“I’m special,” he said gleefully, pointing at his third nipple.

Given the fact we’re in lockdown and I haven’t kissed a human man since February, I used to worry that watching this show would make me miss men and physical connection. Thanks to Locky, I don’t feel like I’m really missing out on anything after all.

3. Locky greeted Izzy’s family in the Covid-safe way.

I honestly pray for the day we look back on these GIFs like “haha! remember this time!” except if for some reason I’m looking at these GIFS when the pandemic is over, please just bash me over the head with my computer screen.

Remember hugs?

Just kidding, I hated hugging anyone before the pandemic.

4. Izzy’s mum and “second mum” quizzed Locky on his views on feminism.

Even Locky could point out the irony of being asked that question on the show he’s currently on.

Anyway, let’s not waste unnecessary time. We all know poor Izzy is going to get booted tonight. Before you yell “Um SPOILERS!” please note I wrote that line before finishing the episode, after looking at the way Locky said goodbye to Izzy vs. the way he was with Irena.

5. Osher rocked up to Irena and Locky’s date, desperate for something to do because he’s not often needed in hometowns.

“Need anything?” he yelled. “Some snacks, a condom?”

Actually, Osher arrived to break the news that the Victorian border had shut and Irena’s family couldn’t make it to Sydney for hometowns, so the two had to go through a Zoom meet and greet instead.

As if meeting the parents isn’t bad enough, but over ZOOM?!

6. Irena’s dad ended up being the star of this episode.

While her brother Igor took on the overprotective role (and took it to a creepy new level) the glee on Irena’s dad’s face when he yelled at Locky and Igor to fight was the best part of the whole episode.

In other news, Locky told Igor in their one-on-one chat that he has been selfish in previous relationships and wants to change, but that he needs someone to help him change and Irena is the woman he can see doing that.

Straight men, say it with me: a woman you’re dating! isn’t a free therapist! who has the responsibility of teaching you to change your immature ways! you have the power! to do it yourself! if you really try!

SO TRY HARDER.

7. Locky went to go meet Bec for a romantic lunch in Rose Bay.

8. Bec told us she was excited to have fun and laugh.

And I believe her!

9. But Bec’s mum stole the crown from right under her daughter’s nose, fawning over Locky and just seems like the world’s nicest lady.

The only thing of note on Bec and Locky’s date was that Bec mentioned she had never been in love before, so she takes dropping the L-bomb seriously. “That makes me wonder if she’s ready to dive into a once-in-a-lifetime relationship,” Locky said earnestly.

Lmao ok champ! That’s one way to put it.

The only “once-in-a-lifetime” relationship I’ve ever had was with the Grill’d burger I ate the other night after being on a solid shred for a few weeks. I’ve never had feelings so strong.

10. Bella and Locky cooked for her parents and practised what they’d look like on a Hello Fresh advertisement.

“Cooking is made so easy with Hello Fresh,” I imagined one of them yelling, like every other Bachelor In Paradise star over Instagram. “I couldn’t EVEN cook before Hello Fresh and now I have convenience right on my doorstep and it’s taught me how to cook! My friends and family are so impressed, omg I used to burn WATER before, haha! But with HELLO FRESH, I’ve never made anything… well, so fresh!”

Sorry, I got distracted role-playing in my mind then, when far worse things were happening on our TV screen. Like this:

11. Over dinner, Bella’s dad Steve wasn’t having a bar of Locky and eventually pulled him away for a manly heart-to-heart.

A manly heart-to-heart is like a normal one but with more grunting and threats.

Steve mentioned he was a Survivor fan, but NOT anymore! The funniest thing is he never mentions why he’s no longer a Survivor fan and if it’s Locky’s fault, he just drops it like this lingering threat and it works because Locky is immediately concerned.

It is hard to be a Survivor fan when you know the Golden God won’t be back anytime soon I guess. Steve isn’t left too charmed by Locky in the end, and doesn’t bother with the fake “he answered my questions perfectly, so welcome to the fam!” bullshit, so we have to stan.

12. Bella got emotional trying to tell Locky she was in love with him, not just falling for him.

She looked exactly like me when I can’t decide if I want Thai for dinner as a treat, or perhaps I eat something healthy then go pick up a cheeky little Kit Kat? Perhaps?

13. At the rose ceremony, we were told TWO girls were going home so the “stakes were high.”

I’m so sorry.

14. We said goodbye to Izzy and Bec.

Bec in particular was upset.

Tomorrow night! It’s the FINALE!

Sorry to make this about me, but I’ve been sober for all of September and tomorrow is really going to push my boundaries.