7 Things That Happened During The Hectic Hometown Visits On ‘The Bachelor’
There’s nothing worse than introducing the guy you’ve been on two dates with to your parents.
In most cases, it’s an absolute accident because no one wants to meet the family THAT early on. On The Bachelor, it’s deliberate because by the end of hometowns everyone has to confess their love for whatever chiselled man is standing in front of them or risk being left roseless.
Sometimes I get so caught up imagining this scenario in real life dating. Like two-three dates tops with someone and next minute you’re telling them you LOVE them. Seriously! Imagine getting a second date.
Here’s what went down on the hometown episode of The Bachelor:
1. We opened to Matt closing out his last days at the Bachy pad.
He stared at the chlorine depths of the pool as though his chosen one would magically appear.
2. The first hometown date was Abbie and she decided it was time they bloody well got pampered.
Honestly if I was on Warner Bros. dime and my last date had been faux moving in, I’d do the same thing.
Abbie took Matt to a rooftop pool where they could see “all of Brisbane”. “You can see everything that’s important,” she told him.
It didn’t take long for the ever-present physical connection Matt and Abbie share to take over. Did you guys know they have an AMAZING physical connection? Did you know they have CHEMISTRY? Did you know that Abbie finally got to look at Matt jr?
Sorry, sorry, we were all thinking it.
They didn’t even make it into the pool before they were reacquainting their tongues. “I’m holding onto him because I care about him… emotionally… and sexually,” Abbie said in her on-camera piece.
Honestly, I’m starting to think she’s taking the piss now and I am absolutely here for it.
But also, like is this appropriate for this timeslot? My elderly next-door neighbour is going to drop dead of a heart attack any minute now. I hope she leaves me in her will.
OK in all seriousness, it was really nice to finally get to see Matt and Abbie put their physical connection aside and connect on a more intellectual level…
Lmao, just joking, that did not happen.
3. Finally Matt and Abbie got sick of dry humping in the pool and Matt rocked up to meet Abbie’s family wearing a hideous lime green shirt.
Who is dressing this man this season? I’m calling the police.
Matt decided to chat to Abbie’s mum to figure out what Abbie’s real intentions are and where her timeline is actually at. She’s too distracted by how hideous his lime green shirt is.
“Abbie wants a little baby,” she said. “But not if you’re going to pass on your fashion genes.”
OK fine, that didn’t happen exactly like that.
Matt won over Abbie’s family, Abbie’s timeline is that of a normal 23-year-old – see what happens when she meets someone serious and decide from there – and Matt and his boner are thrilled that maybe Abbie hasn’t been lying to him this whole time.
4. Matt met Chelsie’s family and they looked like something straight out of a TV ad about switching your life insurance.
Just your nice, wholesome, family standing around their mansion, you know how it is.
It was Chelsie’s sister who was in charge of the grill that night, zeroing in on Matt to find out if his intentions were pure when it came to her sister. She also told Matt that if he’s not invested to drop Chelsie sooner rather than later, and she said it was such authority I’m pretty sure Matt is still recovering.
“Do you think YOU are worthy of Chelsie?” she demanded.
Um I need Chelsie’s sister to come into my life and grill any future potential partners, because she is a BOSS.
All’s well that ends well and Chelsie tells Matt she is “falling for…” and doesn’t quite finish the sentence, but you get the general gist. She’s falling for the hot crew member, just like those before her.
5. On the third hometown date, Emma’s friend Jen gives her this look when Emma told her she’s in love with Matt.
Jen is then in charge of finding out how Matt feels and he does a worse acting job than Blake Garvey attempting to look sad about his breakup with Sam Frost on The Project. Jen is not buying that Matt is falling for Emma at all.
Emma said goodbye to Matt like a young puppy jumping and licking everything in sight. He finally noticed how dark her roots are and realised the future between them wasn’t there.
6. On Helena’s hometown date, the comparisons between her and Olena from Richie’s season became too hard to ignore.
1. They both have accents.
2. They’re both no bullshit.
3. They both don’t believe in saying anything like dropping the “L” bomb just because the Bachy may want to hear it.
4. They both LOVE tennis. Apparently.
5. They both have angry looking dads!
Have you ever seen Helena and Olena in the same room together? Exactly.
Things went relatively well for Helena and Matt until he stumbled and said he couldn’t remember if Helena talked to him in French on the red carpet. And next minute, they were back to looking like they were about to tell the kids they’re getting a divorce.
After tears, calling Matt’s terrible memory a red flag, and back-and-forths with her mum and sister, Helena disappeared into the night and… BROKE UP WITH MATT.
Literally, she just called it, then they stood around miserably looking like they were filming a bad early ’00s breakup duet.
After a lot of nonsense and Matt pacing around outside in the dark, he popped back inside to smooth things over with Helena. It seemed to work.
Until… it didn’t.
After we cut to Matt saying he was happy Helena had stayed, Helena’s off telling the camera she really, really can’t do this anymore.
Helena is me after drinking too much wine and deciding RIGHT NOW is the time to have a breakup chat. RIGHT. NOW.
Poor Matt has no freakin’ idea what has changed in the last five minutes since they were macking on. “It seems like Helena is terrified of the possibility of falling in love,” he sighed wearily.
Aren’t we all Matt, aren’t we all.
7. At the rose ceremony, Helena made a last-minute entrance to get her man back, after breaking up with him twice.
Honestly, we’ve all been there.
Helena took Matt outside for a chat to apologise to him and explain that she was scared and freaked out. Helena is very blonde, so Matt was fine with it because he finally realised Emma was probably too brunette for him.
And another one bites the dust.
Goodbye my office sweep queen, Emma. I love that YOU love love and I hope you find your one true love soon. Much love.
Next week: It’s finale time and time for declarations of love.
Sure it’s a given: I will profess love to anyone who pays me attention next week. But who will MATT profess his love to? I have a theory, so join our Facebook group to find out.