The Most Hilarious Tweets From Tonight’s ‘Bachelorette’ Premiere
Just when we thought we could all take a deep breathe from the cesspit known as the reality TV dating game, The Bachelorette started back tonight.
Oh boy, that was A LOT, wasn’t it? There was a dance routine, a man inexplicably dressed as the Tin Man, a giant bear with hideously long legs, a goat, oh, and Ali was also there.
Like most occasions where men are involved, an unnecessary fight almost broke out between predicted villains Paddy and Nathan. It was a complete shitshow and the drama was about as fake as Osher’s smile putting up with the incessant dude patrol.
The episode was an awful lot to digest, so thankfully Twitter was there to translate the whole mess.
Tonight’s premiere of The Bachelorette retold via its funniest tweets:
After saying she wouldn’t fall in love with the first guy she saw, Ali fell in love with the first guy she saw.
Ali at 7.31pm: “I’m not going to give my heart away too quickly this time.”
Ali at 7.31.56pm: “Fuck, I love Charlie hey?”#BacheloretteAU
— Jenna Clarke (@jennamclarke) October 10, 2018
Shes fallen in love with the first guy already… this is going to be a loooooong season!#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/hbBLWe6zQN
— Stweetheart (@stweet_heart) October 10, 2018
Ali: I’m gonna take it slow and really make sure I find the right guy to fall in love with.
Also Ali: #bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/jqaH0yiYlF
— Edwin Smith (@edwin_smith1) October 10, 2018
Ali: I will not fall in love with the first guy that gets out of the car
First guy that gets out of the car: hi my name’s Charlie, I made you a love journal
Ali: #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/LOJEoLkKNe— mat whitehead (@matwhi) October 10, 2018
We met a villain in Nathan, who is going to shit us to tears.
Hey Nathan, Michael Cera called, he wants his moustache back #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/mhvzzKUQqc
— Hannah Michelsen (@hannahmicheles1) October 10, 2018
"I wanna come home to a friggin banging chick"
#bacheloretteau pic.twitter.com/rCBMt5uPaT
— Ira Snave Ooky Spooky Kooky (@IraSnave) October 10, 2018
Nathan is the sort of guy whose Tinder profile is just three photos of him at the river with the boys with the bio: “Best sex I’ve ever had – Megan Fox”. #BacheloretteAU
— Emily Olle (@emilyolle) October 10, 2018
But Paddy is the absolute worst.
I'm suing Channel 10! I did a tequila shot every time Paddy said "fit as fuck" and now I am (unfortunately) dead! #BacheloretteAU
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) October 10, 2018
If every day of the year humanity could choose one person to get punched, Paddy would get punched 365 times. #BacheloretteAU
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 10, 2018
Can someone tell me the gym Paddy owns so I never go to it? #BacheloretteAU
— O'Malley (@Skualg) October 10, 2018
Prediction: Paddy is going to pop 'fit as fuck' in his wedding vows. #BacheloretteAU
— Em Rusciano (@EmRusciano) October 10, 2018
It’s not the best bunch of blokes tbh.
90% of the guys are there to grow their insta following and get brand rep deals for protein shakes #BacheloretteAU
— charlotte’s web (@charlottes_web0) October 10, 2018
Wait wait wait this season is the cleverest postmodern satire reminding us 99% of white cis men are absolute bin lords #BacheloretteAU
— Jessica Bellamy (@jessbellamy) October 10, 2018
And it feels like we’ve seen some of these faces before.
SHOOK#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/miUyvCWSRG
— Georgia Love (@GeorgieALove) October 10, 2018
Anyway else getting mad Sasha vibes? #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/MSefJfxwLO
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) October 10, 2018
Okay but #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/CqpXfQ2ftH
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 10, 2018
this is literally what it’s like getting in an Uber pool on a Saturday night. #BacheloretteAU https://t.co/sKUhxqpgAY
— Xantre Aston (@xantreaston) October 10, 2018
Somehow Bill got the ‘wild rose’ (which is a thing!?!) and even scored the first kiss.
A first kiss? At the cocktail party? In the first episode?! With Bill/David??? #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/CrPuWObnBx
— Sophia Phan (@Sophia_Phan) October 10, 2018
Ali you don’t kiss a boyfriend in front of your 20 other boyfriends unless that is an agreed kink #BacheloretteAU
— Bachie Beast 👩💻 (@BachieBeast) October 10, 2018
Ali saying she was going to take it slow but then kissing Bill in front of 20 other guys is the equivalent of me saying I’ll only have one and throwing up in the shower when I get home #BacheloretteAU
— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) October 10, 2018
Bill (formerly David) is robot I'm telling ya. He's straight out of Westworld trying to learn how fit in with the humans #BacheloretteAU
— Frenchy (@sungaattack) October 10, 2018
How does Bill look 20 and 45 at the same time? #BacheloretteAU
— Jennine Khalik (@jennineak) October 10, 2018
Two nobodies were sent home. Strap in, fam. This season is going to be a total garbage fire.
Wow I’m loving the look of this seasons guys #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/dqIAzgdHe0
— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) October 10, 2018
"It's really humbling that you're actually coming here for me"
Someone tell Ali that the only reason anyone goes on this show is for the cheese platters
— Pipe down, Chachi (@bishcheese) October 10, 2018