16 Things That Happened On Episode 2 Of ‘The Bachelorette’
Welcome back to another night of The Bachelorette, just a show about two country girls, ready to meet some nice country men, over a country bottle of wine, and give out some country roses, in the hopes of settling down in the country. Presumedly.
Tonight we saw Elly and Becky take advantage of the country rose (I’m not being a smartarse this time, that’s what it’s actually called) with Harry and Shannon joining them on a double date. Tonight’s group date was the inaugural photoshoot for TV Week magazine, and one man left the mansion, while a bigger mystery glistened beneath the surface of the flower-filled Bachy pool.
Was Osher Gunsberg truly there at the rose ceremony?
We’ve got our whole seats, but you only need the edge. Let’s recap episode 2 of The Bachelorette.
1. Shannon and Harry met the girls for their country-themed date, donning flannos for the adventure.
It was so funny, because the guys had to meet the women on the beach and everyone kept being like “this isn’t the country! haha!” and oh man, every time they said that I just cracked up laughing.
In reality, they met on the beach to then get a chopper ride out to the country, wherever that happened to be.
Just in case you haven’t realised, “the country” is the new “I love hiking” of this season. Just when we thought we had gotten enough of the outdoors with Locky and Irena, well, Elly and Becky came along to be like “hold onto our Akubras we’re forced to wear because, country baby! Yeehaw!”
3. Shannon and Becky got some whip-cracking in, while Elly and Harry had to go wrangle some cows or whatever the appropriate farm word is.
Wrangle some cows? Herd the cattle? Sure, I grew up in Wagga, but there were no cows to herd unless you’re talking about my parents’ Saturday netball run for me and my sisters.
4. Shannon was super horny for a kiss the whole time.
Honestly, they had been on the helicopter for about 43 seconds before Shannon forgot about his fear of flying in order to imagine what that little headphone microphone tasted like…
… then after they cracked their whips, Shannon did that weird half-constipated look people do when they’re going in to kiss you but they’re unsure if it’s the right moment or not…
…then as they sat around the campfire with Elly and Harry, he had the same energy…
…so finally, Elly and Harry got the hint and left.
Harry and Elly went and had a private chat about how he’s got a son, and is 10 years older than Elly, and that his travelling the world days are probably over (lol, same, sis!) which Elly didn’t love.
Harry’s life dream seemed to involve wanting to move to the east coast (Elly then reminded him about his son for this apparent life plan) and he and Elly left things on uncertain terms, with Elly rightly saying they seemed to be at different points in their lives.
Harry then went on to tell the camera there wasn’t amazing chemistry there, but he’s hoping to not get sent home. Sorry, what?
5. Eventually Shannon landed a big one, after Becky got fed up at him staring at her like a dog looking at a schmacko.
Becky then gave Shannon a rose, which they both sniffed. I always thought these roses were fake? Maybe they’re sprayed with Osher’s cologne before being given out? Maybe they really are real, but it’s true love that’s dead? Who knows!
6. Back at the house, Harry had to explain to the boys how he went from hero to zero.
Considering all the boys thought Harry was the biggest threat after being given the cuntry rose, they were all secretly stoked that he flopped on the date.
Meanwhile, I made a mural of Shannon’s bizarre face expressions:
- Shannon gleefully holding his rose.
- Shannon staring at someone with a concerned look while Harry spoke.
- Shannon making some serious eye contact with someone while Harry kept speaking.
Who is he looking at?! What conversation are they having with their eyes?! I must know, so I can incorporate it into my dreams later.
7. The group photoshoot was “Australia” themed, which is why Saj had to dress up as the Big Pineapple.
He kind of looks like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, if the Tin Man for some reason was trying to dress up as the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween.
As Becky explained, the group date was Australia-themed because Becky loves a guy in budgie smugglers and Elly loves to smash a bucket of prawns.
I love to hear the slow, painful groan that comes out of my mouth every time we tick off another reference to these two just being down-to-earth Aussie gals! (From the country!)
Don’t get me wrong, I am of the opinion Becky and Elly have been a nice change from the usual polished Bachys we can see leading the show, but I started doing tequila shots every time they dropped Aussie stereotypes and I only see darkness now.
8. Becky’s solo time was with Pete, and they looked like they were ready to make the adult version of McLeod’s Daughters: The Homecuming.
Sometimes my mum reads these recaps, so I just wanted to extend my heartfelt apologies for all the hard work you put in raising me to be a nice person and seeing that backfire on a public platform.
9. Adrian, who is someone that exists on this show, got jealous watching and decided to walk off.
The other guys watching Becky and Pete’s solo shoot eventually joined him, giving Becky and Pete some alone time where Pete pulled THIS smooth move:
I think they’re kissing. They could potentially also just being weeping softly, together, behind their Akubras, thinking about Adrian’s hat that he never explained last night.
10. Elly got a beach-themed photoshoot and had to be stung by a “jellyfish”.
So that’s what we’re calling men these days, huh?
We got a nice zoom in of Joe’s jellyfish.
On this family-friendly show! My rosary beads just tightened themselves so hard around my neck, I nearly suffocated, but for a small moment there, I saw the light.
Also can we just talk about James — the lifeguard in the scene — making this uncomfortable eye contact with the camera?
I used to have lifeguard fantasies (Zac Efron) but now they’re just nightmares.
11. Elly’s solo photo sesh was with Frazer, who was way too enthusiastic to do… whatever he’s doing here as a gold miner.
Joe gets very angsty watching the photoshoot, and like most fuckbois realise months or years down the track, he decided he wanted something more with Elly and that his feelings were genuine.
I mean, who amongst us hasn’t had the ghost of a former fling return a year later trying to hit you back up?
“A year later?!” my old bat of a neighbour Doris screeched out from my underground wine cellar. “God, love, they must be desperate if they hit you up after a year, you’re absolutely a last resort then,” she cackled, before taking her teeth out and sucking down a goon bag.
13. At the cocktail party, Adrian decided it was time to ditch the hat and put the moves on Becky.
He presented her with a new necklace, saying that the reason he picked the specific necklace was “to represent a piece of my heart.”
I’d also just like to give 100 points to Damien for managing to drop in an Osher phrase considering the HUGE, GAPING ABSENCE of Osher this whole time.
Take it away Damien!
14. Harry tried to sweet-talk Becky into sweet-talking Elly to give him another chance.
Harry, who must I remind you said earlier that he felt no chemistry with Elly, decided to interrupt Becky and Shannon to suss out his chances of getting a rose.
Becky very diplomatically said it was Elly’s choice, and that she wants Elly to choose what’s right for her.
Someone’s gotta school Harry on the actual premise of this show.
15. A wild Osher appeared at the rose ceremony after being noticeably ABSENT all episode.
Hmmmm. No Osher introducing TV Week at the photoshoot? No Osher rocking up to the house unannounced? No Osher ringing in the cocktail party?
But… a wild Osher at the rose ceremony?
He even addressed Shannon directly, but Shannon didn’t even seem to notice. And what we DID notice was not once did the camera do a wide pan to show Osher addressing the lads in the same room. So are the rumours true? Was Osher just edited in later due to filming and consequently being in lockdown because of The Masked Singer?
I kinda hope this isn’t the only mystery of the season. Bring back the days when someone pissed in someone else’s pot plant.
16. We said goodbye to Cupid, aka Jake.
Let’s relive his best moments:
OK, that was fun. See you next week!