7 Things That Happened On Tonight’s Horny Bachelorette

We are getting close to hometown visits and no I am not talking about the annual trip we all make back to our families every Christmas.

Angie’s down to just six lads: Carlin, Ryan, Timm, Jackson and two others. After the upsetting departure of Ciarran last week, Angie’s faced with a choice: Does she choose a loaf of Tip Top bread or does she go for Timm? Honestly ladies, it’s a choice none of us would really want to make.

Tonight’s episode saw the boys dance it out to see who’d win the last solo time with Angie before hometowns, before sitting down for a last supper – and even without Jamie, some bombshells were dropped.

Anyway, we all have things to do and My Chemical Romance playlists to make. Let’s dive straight in!

Here’s what you missed on episode 9 of The Bachelorette:

1. The boys had to dress up as old men and were partnered with some delightful older ladies to perform in a dance-off.

Damn, maybe we did find a love story on this show after all.

While Ryan had some sizzling chemistry with his partner, it was Timm and Voula who really captured the hearts of everyone watching the show.

I mean, c’mon, look at these two goofing off when everyone is taking the dance seriously. Voula for Bachelorette 2020!

2. Ryan won the alone time with Angie and they tested if they could connect emotionally and spiritually by answering the same questions like “do you pee in the shower?” at the same time.

Once again, Angie reiterates how impressed she is that Ryan has put his life on hold for “something he wouldn’t usually do” and we’re meant to find that endearing and cute and not creepy.

Ryan states a “lack of trust” is his relationship dealbreaker, while Angie comes out with “liars.” All I’m saying is remember this tidbit of info folks… it’ll come in handy for the cocktail party later.

3. Angie and Ryan then met with a love expert and they were blindfolded and had to touch each other.

As Angie had to “seductively” touch Ryan’s head, face, and torso, Ryan called it “torture” and sighed heavily while I did a tiny spew back into my dinner bowl.

Ryan then had to feed berries into Angie’s mouth like she was a little baby bird, and I guess that was meant to be hot and sexy? I don’t know, I’m nine.

MEANWHILE THE LOVE EXPERT WAS JUST THERE WATCHING THEM THE WHOLE TIME! WHAT IS THIS CREEPY SHOW?

4. At the cocktail party, Jackson fake-laughed his way through Ryan sharing the intimate details of his date with Angie.

We’re all Jackson in this moment – in great pain.

Another thing to note here is Carlin said earlier in the episode and reiterated again at the cocktail party that if Angie picked Ryan to stick around, he’d feel quite rattled and have some “big questions for her.” What does this mean?!

Meanwhile, Matt hoped that Ryan had bored Angie to death on their date, but he was wrong. They simply just bored ME to death and this is my bony corpse writing this post.

5. Osher popped up with a mystery box and said this cocktail party, they’d really be doing a last supper. And would there be a Judas? You betcha.

What’s in the box you ask? My heart and soul that Channel 10 captured years ago and locked away for every reality TV season, only freeing it in December for a little holiday.

The actual purpose of the box was that the boys could fill it with anonymous questions that would have to be answered over the dinner table. So yes, we weren’t really going to the last supper after all – we were going to evening TEA. Amirite?

Did you laugh? I hope not, that was a terrible joke.

The first question of the night was addressed to Carlin who admitted he had gotten his lips done after his separation because his confidence was at an all time low. As it turns out, Carlin had spilt that little bit of tea to Ryan in confidence, so sneaky lil Ryan was trying to embarrass him in front of Angie. Which leads us to…

6. Angie discovered Ryan had actually applied for Ali’s season of The Bachelorette and she was NOT impressed.

First up, Jackson admitted to applying for Georgia Love’s season back in the day when he was about 11-years-old. Then Ryan dropped the bomb he made it to the audition process for Ali’s season which would be all well and fine had he not spent THE WHOLE OF THIS SEASON telling Angie he would never “usually do something like this” and he only applied because it was her.

Interesting tidbit of info for the guy who said he hates liars and broken trust! “So I’ve got Ali’s sloppy seconds?” Angie questioned him, to which he replied some bullshit about “leaving it to the universe”.

Good try, sweaty, but we ain’t buying that one! Right Angie? Wait, Angie??? Hello? Did you just give Ryan the first ros-

7. Alex and Matt got cut before hometowns, with Ryan getting the first rose even though Angie was mad at him.

Just wanna shoutout my boy Alex here for doing the absolute least of anyone we’ve ever seen on a season and making it this far. That is some true star power.

Tomorrow night: it’s hometown visits!

Someone in Carlin’s fam brings up his acting career (aka the time he went on YouTube to give a mouthwash review) and Angie is not impressed that he’s never mentioned it before.