To The Silent Handsome Men Of ‘The Bachelorette’, We See You

There are plenty of blokes on The Bachelorette who are already scoring a lot of on-camera time, often for dubious reasons. But there’s also a handful who have just gone by quietly, ready to swoop in and pull a Taite and win this whole damn thing for being quiet and kind and hot the whole time.

These blokes aren’t being set up as the strangely obsessive one like Jamie, the not-fireman; they’re not suddenly annoying and wanting to police group dynamics, like Sunflowers Timm; they’re not engaging in any cheeky banter or high-fiving dogs like English Ciarran (actually very charming). They’re not even like last week’s legend, Haydn, who got a bit “The boys! The boys!” last night.

Then of course, you’ve got our not-so-dearly departed: Oliver with the case of beer, reptile-haver Josh, Warwick the chicken, creepy sexist Jess, cocky Kayde, and Mitch, who basically demanded to be guaranteed a place towards the end despite barely knowing Angie? It was very odd.

Sure, there’s handsome Carlin in his glasses (STOP. IT. CARLIN.), but we’re forgetting about the full range of hotties living in the mansion who are so far eschewing the limelight.

Here, we pay tribute to the men who aren’t trying to get in front of the cameras (not one of them was on the photoshoot date), but who could absolutely still get it.

Cheers to the quiet beautiful men of The Bachelorette.

Adam

Adam seems like a nice guy, even if he wears backwards caps.

Alex

Alex bought Angie a plant in a dog-themed pot, which is sweet. Whether or not he is Jarrod 2.0 is yet to be confirmed.

Glenn

Glenn is actually extremely good-looking. I would say he and his kind eyes are the hottest in the mansion. He either drew or purchased Angie a weird line-drawing portrait, but has otherwise just been very not clingy and quietly handsome.

Niranga

Niranga made a funny joke about not being the undercover brother in the first episode, and has otherwise been nowhere to be seen. But doesn’t he seem nice!!!

Tom

Tom, hopeless dog-wrangler, was there to tear into Jess when things got out of hand. He’s also been very level-headed every time Jamie has flipped his lid (three times now). Tom is hot, that’s it, that’s the whole thing.

The thing about this list is there’s not a lot to say. These blokes haven’t made a splash. They haven’t made a scene. But aren’t the deepest loves sometimes unspoken? Or at the very least, not so ostentatious and/or needy?

I’d rather be with a bloke who had their own stuff going on rather than talking about me all the time and feeling threatened, y’know?

Mark my words: at least one of these blokes is making it to the final four on The Bachelorette. I can feel it in my bones.