UGG-GATE: A Pictorial Play-By-Play Of Tonight’s Bachy Beef

Who could have seen a pair of ugg-boots (aka hideous sheep clogs) breaking up the lads trip to cause a bit of tension and drama.

On tonight’s ep of The Bachelorette, series nice-guy and ‘stage 5 clinger’ Jarrod pissed off the entire crew of bachy boys by wanting to take up precious Monk time, despite already having a solo date and scoring a rose.

Following a solo date with Jarrod, where Sophie Monk for some unknown reason put herself through psychological torture walking a tightrope in the sky, the wine-maker edged forward as our bachy’s fave.

The two pashed and as Jarrod headed back to the mansion he proceeded to teach all the men how to talk to a woman. The lecture was condescending AF, and immediately got most of the men offside – especially our villain Blake.

To make it all worse, Jarrod dared to want to talk to Sophie at the cocktail party. This was NOT OKAY. At all.

‘So I think I’m going to say some words to Sophie tonight.’

When Jarrod told the guys he wanted to talk to Sophie first-up, they all lost their shit.

‘Wait…what? Words? You already said words to our future-wife. Back off buddy! No more words for you!’

Luke was shooting daggers at Jarrod as all the men put their sassy pants on.

‘Da fuuuuuq. When 15+ men are dating one woman, there needs to be some sense of decorum.’

Jarrod didn’t help himself much. He said he wanted to talk to Sophie to be polite, and mostly importantly.. he didn’t want to marry the other men in some polygamous group bachy wedding.

‘I’m not marrying you guys. I don’t care how good you all smell and look in your dapper suits.

Okay, well Apollo…you’re a maybe.’

Sam and Sam Jr. were disappointed Jarrod didn’t want to be included in the mass group wedding.

‘We’re already dressed for it. What’s the prob? Is it our man-buns?’

Blake was not impressed. The guys all egged him on to attack Jarrod.

The best he could come up with was to say Sophie wasn’t into Jarrod, and that his feelings weren’t reciprocated.

‘Look peasant, she doesn’t like you. She only likes me.

I’m the essence of man-made human perfection. That’s what my mother room-mate tells me, anyway. I’m a very special boy.’

Everyone was in a right strop. Luckily Apollo walked in and the sun shined again.

‘Hello there, Apollo. Houston, we have a heart-throb.’

Just when we thought the drama for the eve was over, we entered ‘Ugg Boot Gate’.

Jarrod stole Sophie in a second attempt to offer her his jacket (which she had earlier shut down in front of the other dudes),  he gifted her with some ugg boots. But wait, Blake had also given Sophie uggs when they first met.

WTAF?????

Turns out, you can only give a woman one pair of uggs, that’s the law. Well it should be. My eyes. MY EYES.

‘Oh I love them, they’ll match the red Beetle I got from Popstars!’

The boys were spewin.

‘Wait, did he just give Sophie uggs?! How very dare he.’

Jarrod even wore around a matching pair in his suit, which was asking for trouble and looked weird as hell.

They made quite the fashionable couple, that’d make Kath & Kim proud.

WHHAART ARE THOOOSE??!

Blake quickly declared war on Jarrod, cracking the sads.

‘I thought of ugg boots! I did. I got ’em and gave them to her. I did. Not Captain Wino-Pants!’

Blake approaches Jarrod, and they enter a tense conversation which doesn’t really go anywhere, other than them arguing over who first knew that ugg boots existed. It all came down to Blake being jelly he didn’t have a pair to wear himself.

‘Okay, I’ll buy you a pair of uggs too, Blake.’

With #UggGate finally resolved, the rose ceremony ended with Jourdan leaving the competition.

Oh Jourdan, we barely got to know thee. We do know you were one weird dude.

Hopefully one day you can experience being cheated on, you seemed real upset about missing out. Chin up, buddy.