We Ranked The Best & Most Hilarious Cold Opens From ‘The Office’
If The Office is a perfect show, which it is, then the cold opens cut through space and time.
Most episodes of the US version of the show begin with a short scene that either sets up the main plot or, more likely, is a completely unhinged gag that’s totally unrelated to the rest of the episode.
Whether it’s Dwight setting the office on fire, Michael realising he’s in a pyramid scheme or Jim moving Dwight’s desk into the bathroom — the cold opens are a perfect way to get hyped for the episode.
These are the 14 best and funniest The Office cold opens:
#14. “Asian Jim” comes to work
God bless Randall Park. It’s hard to rank Jim’s best pranks on Dwight, but this cold open is elegant in its simplicity.
Standout quote: Just Randall Park giving the camera his best “Jim face”.
#13. Creed is the new manager
It’s hard to say what the best joke in this cold open is. Is it Creed addressing an empty meeting room that he thinks is full of employees who haven’t worked at the company in years? Is it him telling his assistant to research an imaginary language? Is it BOBODDY?
Standout quote: “Do I love being manager? I love my kids, I love real estate, I love ceramics, I love my job, I love wrestling.”
#12. Does Stanley have a moustache?
The most beautiful thing about the entire office forgetting if Stanley has a moustache or not is that you realise you don’t know either.
Standout quote: “Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamed of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.”
#11. Jim ‘Pavlov Dogging’ Dwight
I’m calling it now, this is the best prank Jim ever pulled on Dwight and if anyone disagrees I’ll throw myself in front of Michael’s car.
Standout quote: “My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.”
#10. Michael, Dwight and Andy are obsessed with parkour
I just love seeing three grown men in business clothes roll over couches and violently push themselves around in office chairs in the name of extreme parkour.
Standout quote: “Parkour!”
#9. Jim sends Dwight notes from the future
The best thing about Jim’s pranks is how easily Dwight falls for them so, of course, he 100% believes the message from “Future Dwight”.
Standout quote: “Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do NOT drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.”
#8. Michael buys into a pyramid scheme
Of course Michael falls for a pyramid scheme, and of course it’s for something as lame as calling cards.
Standout quote: “You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!”
#7. Michael realises that Toby is back
The scene when Michael realises his nemesis is back from vacation gifted us with this GIF, which will keep on giving until the world ends, whenever that may be.
Standout quote: “NO, GOD. NO GOD, PLEASE NO. NO. NO. NOOOOO.”
#6. Jim impersonates Dwight
Who knew that Dwight’s character could be so perfectly summed up in a minute and a half and $11.
Standout quote: “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
#5. Michael premieres Threat Level Midnight
For years we heard about Threat Level Midnight, the movie that Michael wrote, directed and starred in with the rest of the office. We always knew it would be deeply stupid but this cold open is like the first look clip and…yeah wow.
Standout quote: “Clean up on aisle five.”
#4. Michael burns his foot on a George Foreman grill
Everything about this cold open is perfect and I will fight anyone who disagrees. It’s an absurd and, frankly, unnecessary insight into his home life.
Standout quote: “I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself.”
#3. Kevin’s Famous Chilli
Watching Kevin slip ‘n’ slide in a pile of his own chilli while his voice over reveals the painstaking process it took to make it is just heartbreaking.
Standout quote: “It’s probably the thing I do best.”
#2. Michael hits Meredith with his car
In the first minute of the show’s fourth season, Michael brags about his girlfriend, hypes up his employees and says that he feels “very blessed”. And then he hits Meredith with his car.
Standout quote: “I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize: domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning. Well, she bought the milk.”
#1. The fire drill
Dwight is outraged that nobody pays attention to his fire safety demonstration, so he sets a fire in the office to teach everyone a lesson. Obviously, it goes horribly, horribly wrong, but the best thing about this cold open is how quickly and totally it derails.
Angela throws her cat into the ceiling crawl space — also, we learn that Angela has been smuggling her cat into the office. Michael smashes a window to scream for help. Kevin loots the vending machine. Stanley has a heart attack and Michael tries to wake him up by screaming “Barack is president!” in his face.
It’s the best hot mess in a show full of beautiful hot messes.
Standout quote: “Today, smoking is going to save lives.”
This is what perfect television looks like.