This UK Dad Live-Tweeted Taking 60 Kids To A Museum & It’s Actually Hysterical
In a peak dad move, a true hero among us mere mortals dared to volunteer to take a whole bunch of kids on a school field trip and live-tweeted the whole damn thing.
Twitter user Simon Smith appears to just be a reg dad and somehow found himself volunteering to be the adult on a school trip to a museum… with 60 ten-year-olds. It was brutal but hysterical to follow.
Here is a play-by-play of Simon’s journey:
Firstly, Simon set the scene. Shit is about to get real.
I’ve got a treat for you tomorrow. I’m live tweeting adulting on a School Trip to the Science Museum. Coach Trip. 60 Year 5’s. SCENES
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 20, 2018
It’s begun.
8:40am. I’ve signed a risk assessment and promised not to take any photos. WE’RE GOING TO THE SCIENCE MUSEUM
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
The kids reckon they don’t need to go to the bathroom and I believe them.
8:47am. The children are all being sent to the toilet before we get on the coach. Apparently none of them need to go.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Things aren’t looking good.
I have six children in my group. One of the boys has just called me ‘Bruv’ pic.twitter.com/1IiXGirIuU
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
So 50 seatbelts on 50 children is maths I just can’t fathom.
Ah. Coach seats all have seatbelts now. This is causing an unprecedented amount of fuckery
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Who could have seen this coming?!?
One mile in. Most of the lunches have gone and approximately 30% of the people on this coach need the toilet
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
This is fine.
Go on a school trip they said. Volunteer they said. IT’LL BE FUN THEY SAID pic.twitter.com/fegyy3dt0J
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
These are actually valid questions.
I’ve just been asked if any of the men that went to the moon with Armstrong and Aldrin “Still live there?”
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Take no prisoners.
My own daughter just made eye contact. It was sinister. Almost sure she just mouthed “You absolute mug” at me
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Seriously, DOES the Queen live there tho???
Current Ear Piss:
Are we nearly there yet?
Does the Queen live here (Every big building)
Why isn’t everyone rich?
My Dad met that Nirvana man once
Why is there so many people?
Are we nearly there yet?
I feel sick
Is everyone here in the Royal Family?
West Ham are rubbish— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Mistakes were made along the way.
The kids that ate their lunches at 8am are all staring at the kids that didn’t like Labradors
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
MORE valid questions…
“No. No we’re not nearly there yet” pic.twitter.com/jz8F2GIEOS
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Searching for salvation.
I’ll pay £1,000 for anyone to bring me a gingerbread latte pic.twitter.com/E84cPWH4Ao
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
We finally arrived!
Alternatively, watch time freeze by getting on a fucking coach with sixty 10 year olds pic.twitter.com/nt7YDUVKLR
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Lesson: 10-year-olds ain’t learning shit.
The best thing about today? They learned NOTHING at the science museum. Nothing. It was the educational equivalent of giving a chimpanzee a fucking Macbook Air
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
And field trips are hell.
I’m never doing this again. I’m shoving my own kid on eBay as soon as we get home
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Like, actual hell.
Never again. Never, ever again.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Never again.
I’m fucking framing this. FIN. pic.twitter.com/fXSN72kTyL
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
As ya mum always says: “It’s all about the journey and not the destination.” Amirite?!